Some of those who appear regularly on our TV screens are happy with the fame, the platform given to them, and of course securing More And Bigger Paycheques For Themselves Personally Now. Others, though, want more: awards, deference, the ability to freely blag a table at the Chiltern Firehouse, and most importantly of all, honours. They crave that gong more than anything else that fame can offer.
And when it comes to the pretence of fame, and the desire to blag tables at the Chiltern Firehouse, that can mean only one person: step forward former Screws and Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan, at present providing ITV’s breakfast offering Good Morning Britain with its shield against hostile publicity, while he’s not occupied brown nosing his pal Combover Crybaby Donald Trump and shouting down interviewees.
Morgan wants a gong, and despite the growing evidence that the Daily Mirror under his leadership was as much a borderline criminal enterprise as the Murdoch Sun and Screws, really believes he deserves one, if only for Services To Himself. But letting slip this craving could be even worse for his carefully cultivated image than all his other less than totally appealing habits. So he projects on to former England cricketer Alastair Cook.
Cook, having racked up more than 12,400 test runs before his retirement from international cricket, has been given a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours. Morgan doesn’t like him. Thus the projection. “A knighthood for a guy who has only the 24th best English Test batting average & was never even the best player in his own team … Cook just played the most & got rid of anyone who threatened to beat his records” he whined.
There was more. “Shane Warne. Sachin Tendulkar. Brian Lara. Sir Alastair Cook … Name one England team in which Cook was the best player. I’ll wait … Bobby Moore OBE. Sir Alastair Cook”. And responding to David Gower, “you played the Game in a way Sir Alastair could only dream about”. Whine, Sir? And on he went.
Inevitably, Morgan’s moaning had to take in his pal Kevin Pietersen (MBE). “Cook filled bars, KP emptied them. End”. It wasn’t fair! Nor was he too keen on sticking to facts, another of those tabloid habits dying hard. “I didn't think anything could be more ridiculous & undeserved than 'Sir' Alastair Cook, 34 - then I read today that Ariana Grande, 25, turned down a Damehood. Our honours system is becoming a joke”.
Not as big a joke as him, though. Especially when he let slip the real reason for his attack on Cook. Would he ever get a K? “Only if Meghan gets to be Queen & decides to make amends for ghosting me”. One of the Royal family ghosted him! HIM! The great Piers Morgan! How could they do such a thing to someone who considers himself so famous?
The yawning response to Morgan pretending he really was a star (like heck) was one Tweeter musing “Piers, someone told me you were awarded the MBE but sadly he then told me it stood for Massive Bell End”. As Q once said, “that’s putting it mildly, 007”.
It’s not about Alastair Cook’s gong, but Piers Morgan’s lack of one. And long may that continue to hold true.
Enjoy your visit to Zelo Street? You can help this truly independent blog carry on talking truth to power, while retaining its sense of humour, by adding to its Just Giving page at