It is the strangest of days when I have to take my proverbial hat off to former Screws and Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan. But doff my cap I must, because what looks on the surface to be a combination of rank publicity stunt and bed of nails could turn out, if he plays his hand half-decently, to be the biggest money-spinner of his career - as well as seeing him leave the country and leaving TV studios here in peace.
His pal Combover Crybaby Donald Trump, still as I type considered to be President of the United States, has just parted company with another close colleague, White House chief of staff General John Kelly. His first choice to replace Kelly, Nick Ayres, at present Chief of Staff to Vice President Mike Pence, has turned down the role. So, in his usual inimitable style, in has leapt Morgan, to make his own pitch for the job. He actually sounds serious.
Now, some may point out, and I would be one of them, that Trump may not be President for much longer, given that his former fixer Michael Cohen has just been jailed for three years for actions which, it was considered, he was put up to by The Donald himself. It is widely believed that, were Trump not President and merely an ordinary Citizen, he would right now be following Cohen into the nearest slammer.
So why bother putting in for the Chief of Staff job? Simples. To merely be there, in the White House inner circle, and with a journalist’s ability to take notes and make diary entries, would pay dividends later on. It may not pay the kind of dividends that Morgan has been suggesting, but the size of payday would, as Benny Hill said more than once in The Italian Job, be big. Big … y’know, BIG. Really big.
On top of that, people like Morgan have media connections, and even though many of them would rather not give him the time of day, the temptation of getting access to his accounts of Presidential disintegration would open many doors. Along the way, he could set up interviews with those who had been hired, and then fired, by the Trump gang. Even many critics would be happy to do a Piece to Camera for him.
Piers Morgan is now in his fifties, a time when thoughts have to turn to that last big payday before the openings stop opening, and the phone goes quiet. If Trump, as some have predicted, is sent off to prison as a result of Robert Mueller’s investigations, who else is going to get access to the then disgraced ex-President? Morgan will. Others won’t.
Doesn’t look such a daft idea now, does it? And in addition to all that, he gets to drop even more names and anecdotes every time he blags a table at the Chiltern Firehouse. He gets to rub shoulders with yet more “names”, and continue his career of being famous not through any discernible talent, or achievement, but by being around famous people, and then talking ad infinitum, and indeed ad nauseam, about them.
Also, with the prospect of a Corbyn Government resurrecting Leveson 2, who knows what past Morgan misdeeds may be unearthed? Best make that last big paycheque before his involvement in any Dark Arts ceases to be a secret.
Getting the inside track to a downfall that could put Nixon in the shade? There are worse prospective career moves for a 50-something with no known ability, other than to shoot his mouth off and promote Himself Personally Now. Neat move, Piers.
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There'll be many more media gobshites than Morgan trembling at the prospect of Leveson 2.
Bring it on, I say.
There will be nationwide joy at the prospect of those far right Murdoch/Rothermere Volkischer Beobachter scumbags having their collars felt.
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