One of the less unappealing aspects of today’s Tory Party is that Young Dave, despite occasionally resurfacing and telling that, being a little bored, he’d rather like to be appointed Foreign Secretary, has left the scene. No more of the streamlined, chromium-plated bounder from the Bullingdon at PMQs. No more zero substance PR.
JOLLY BED SHEOW!
But Cameron has not stopped giving out advice to anyone and everyone, whether they have asked for it or not. Nor has he ceased giving out encouragement that, soon afterwards, is shown to be horribly misguided. Yes, calling the 2016 EU referendum was not the only shameful episode in his back catalogue, as his Twitter history shows.
True, Dave has some way to go to match his May 2015 offering, “Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice - stability and strong Government with me, or chaos with Ed Miliband”. What have we had? Three and a half years of rolling clusterfuck, and no end in sight. His party’s Government, to use his own bon mot, has been “weak, weak, weak”.
In September last year, the Curse of Cameron struck again as he responded to news about free schools from the loathsome Toby Young with “Delighted to see the continued success of this great Conservative reform”. Soon after, Tobes not only stood down from an appointment to the board of the newly created Office for Students, he then departed his role as Director of the New Schools Network.
Never mind, there was more of that foreign policy to commend. “I firmly support the military action taken in Syria. The barbaric & intolerable use of chemical weapons should never go unchecked. As we have seen in the past, inaction has its consequences - so PM right to join forces with our allies to take targeted & appropriate action”. Syria was screwed. Our action just screwed it a bit more. It was utterly ineffectual.
Still, there was always politics for him to cheer on. “It's Polling Day. Make sure you have your say on the things that impact your day to day life - things like bin collections & roads. Vote Conservative today for lower taxes & better services”. In that round of local elections, the Tories’ vote share was down 3% and they lost a net 35 Councillors.
Well, what about the World Cup? He couldn’t curse that, could he? Er, I have to confirm this, but … “What an incredible result - well done @England; huge congratulations! Bring on the Semis for #ThreeLions... We’re all proud and cheering you on!” England lost the next match. And they then lost the 3rd place play-off.
OK then, back to politics, and this time the London Mayoral variety. “Many congratulations to @ShaunBaileyUK, selected today as the @Conservatives’ candidate for London Mayor. I’ve known Shaun for many years. He’s a great campaigner, a passionate advocate for our capital city & will provide a strong voice for Londoners. I wish him well!” Two months later, polls show Sadiq Khan with a 27% lead and set for a win on the first ballot.
Undeterred, Dave has now backed Theresa May in tonight’s confidence vote: “I hope Conservative MPs will back the PM in the vote today. We need no distractions from seeking the best outcome with our neighbours, friends and partners in the EU”.
With an endorsement like that, how can she fail? Probably very easily, actually.
Enjoy your visit to Zelo Street? You can help this truly independent blog carry on talking truth to power, while retaining its sense of humour, by adding to its Just Giving page at