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Sunday 30 December 2018

No Gong For Piers Morgan

Some of those who appear regularly on our TV screens are happy with the fame, the platform given to them, and of course securing More And Bigger Paycheques For Themselves Personally Now. Others, though, want more: awards, deference, the ability to freely blag a table at the Chiltern Firehouse, and most importantly of all, honours. They crave that gong more than anything else that fame can offer.
And when it comes to the pretence of fame, and the desire to blag tables at the Chiltern Firehouse, that can mean only one person: step forward former Screws and Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan, at present providing ITV’s breakfast offering Good Morning Britain with its shield against hostile publicity, while he’s not occupied brown nosing his pal Combover Crybaby Donald Trump and shouting down interviewees.
Morgan wants a gong, and despite the growing evidence that the Daily Mirror under his leadership was as much a borderline criminal enterprise as the Murdoch Sun and Screws, really believes he deserves one, if only for Services To Himself. But letting slip this craving could be even worse for his carefully cultivated image than all his other less than totally appealing habits. So he projects on to former England cricketer Alastair Cook.
Cook, having racked up more than 12,400 test runs before his retirement from international cricket, has been given a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours. Morgan doesn’t like him. Thus the projection. “A knighthood for a guy who has only the 24th best English Test batting average & was never even the best player in his own team … Cook just played the most & got rid of anyone who threatened to beat his records” he whined.
There was more. “Shane Warne. Sachin Tendulkar. Brian Lara. Sir Alastair Cook … Name one England team in which Cook was the best player. I’ll wait … Bobby Moore OBE. Sir Alastair Cook”. And responding to David Gower, “you played the Game in a way Sir Alastair could only dream about”. Whine, Sir? And on he went.
Inevitably, Morgan’s moaning had to take in his pal Kevin Pietersen (MBE). “Cook filled bars, KP emptied them. End”. It wasn’t fair! Nor was he too keen on sticking to facts, another of those tabloid habits dying hard. “I didn't think anything could be more ridiculous & undeserved than 'Sir' Alastair Cook, 34 - then I read today that Ariana Grande, 25, turned down a Damehood. Our honours system is becoming a joke”.
Not as big a joke as him, though. Especially when he let slip the real reason for his attack on Cook. Would he ever get a K? “Only if Meghan gets to be Queen & decides to make amends for ghosting me”. One of the Royal family ghosted him! HIM! The great Piers Morgan! How could they do such a thing to someone who considers himself so famous?
The yawning response to Morgan pretending he really was a star (like heck) was one Tweeter musing “Piers, someone told me you were awarded the MBE but sadly he then told me it stood for Massive Bell End”. As Q once said, “that’s putting it mildly, 007”.

It’s not about Alastair Cook’s gong, but Piers Morgan’s lack of one. And long may that continue to hold true.
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Anonymous said...

Well, Tim, you have to admit he really is an empty-headed talentless shouty gobshite (similar to the unlamented Paxman).

Which, given what passes for "British culture", makes him eminently suited for an "accolade" in the whole worthless tinsel charade.

After all, even the unspeakable John Wayne got a tinsel gong. True, it was the Yank version - which makes it even more worthless - but it did fulfill the Warhol prediction that "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes".

The difference is, Morgan is one of those hapless weirdos who will be famous for absolutely fuck all. Then he will be forgotten.

Gonzoland said...

In the French film 'Amélie' her father says that when he retired from the army, the regiment gave him with a garden gnome. I imagined that there was a formal ceremony with President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing, as C-in-C, presenting Amélie's dad with Le Gnome d'Honneur.
Maybe President Man-Baby could do something similar for Piers Morgan and award him a tin pisspot with an engraved image of Donald's face?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Buck House has finally decided on not rewarding loudmouthed, baiting, poisonous, self-loading morons. Think Paul Dacre; he's still waiting, bless.

A Kelly said...

That Ariana Grande story is a load of rubbish, concocted by a Sun hack.

Honours awarded to Sacin Tendulker:

1994 – Arjuna Award, by the Government of India in recognition of his outstanding achievement in sports.
1997–98 – Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, India's highest honour given for achievement in sports.
1999 – Padma Shri, India's fourth highest civilian award.
2001 – Maharashtra Bhushan Award, Maharashtra State's highest Civilian Award.
2008 – Padma Vibhushan, India's second highest civilian award.
2014 – Bharat Ratna, India's highest civilian award.

Bobby Moore never received a Knighthood as sadly he died very young, does Piers know he is dead?

We all know why Boycott hasn't got one.

And finally, to be appointed an honour, you have to actually do something, however trivial.

A Kelly said...

I forgot to add:

Brian Lara- the Trinity Cross of Trinidad and The Order of the Caribbean Community.

The Indian and Trinidadian honours replaced the Order of The British Empire in their countries.

Likewise, Australia now has the Order of Australia to replace the Order of The British Empire. Shane doesn't have that , probably due to his extra circular activities. (Or he may have turned it down).

I found all this out by ten minutes on WKI Piers and then you wonder why you haven't got anything.