These are thin times for Battersea bedroom dweller Paul Watson, who goes by the Twitter handle Prison Planet. Not close enough to Stephen Yaxley Lennon, who styles himself Tommy Robinson, to matter in the propaganda war over Lennon getting himself jailed for contempt of court, Watson has to make do with sucking up to the screamingly batshit Alex Jones at InfoWars, which means his credibility is well and truly shot.
I mean, he didn’t want to do this job, did he? He could have been … well, maybe not a gynaecologist or a lumberjack, but someone not reduced to being a support act for a conspiracy whacko, a walk-on actor whose most memorable role was to advertise pointless but money-making products like Brain Force Plus ©®™. He could have been a player! A contender! A real political mover and shaker! And so he would be.
Where could Watson achieve this? The signs were a little too obvious. “UKIP MEP Bill Etheridge on Brexit: ‘I think we are in for one of the biggest betrayals in the history of our country.’” He was going to get involved with the Kippers! Not sure that approvingly quoting Bill “Viagra Golliwog” Etheridge is going to help his credibility, mind.
Still, there was always the memory of Nigel “Thirsty” Farage to support. That would show that he was a serious Kipper supporter. So when one Tweeter used a clearly cod spelling of The Great Man’s name, there was Watson, blundering in to correct them: “More hilarious was your attempt at spelling Farage”. Yeah, take that, eh?
And he was serious. I mean, if the Walter Mitty-like figure of Raheem “call me Ray” Kassam could aspire to lead UKIP, why not Paul Watson? So it came to pass. “Take over UKIP for the banter? How hard can it be?” Anyone else up for the challenge?
There certainly was. “Breaking: Sargon of Akkad joins UKIP”. Who? But they were serious, and to show this, Watson followed up with “Along with Sargon and @CountDankulaTV, I've officially joined UKIP and plan to take it over in a soft coup which will lead to the total restoration of freedom in the United Kingdom. Goodnight”.
Someone who got himself into trouble by getting his partner’s dog to respond to the command “Gas the Jews” was clearly a significant ally for him, if not for anyone with brain plugged in and a hole in their backside. Moreover, he wanted everyone to know that “Joining UKIP is the new counter-culture”. But then came reality.
“Is this a good time to ask why I'm blocked by the leader of UKIP?” bleated Watson. That, Paul, is because Adolf von Batten is the head Kipper, and you aren’t. Nor are your two pals. There aren’t going to be any takeovers of has-been political parties by wannabe bedroom dwellers, no matter how many maps they stand in front of.
So it’s back to being the straight man for screamingly batshit Alex Jones, and flogging lots more of that Brain Force Plus ©®™. As “Dirty” Harry Callahan once put it, a man’s got to know his limitations.