Guido Fawked - Labour Manifesto Fail

As Labour has been unveiling its manifesto for the General Election today, there has had to be the inevitable cheap knocking copy from the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog. Sadly, their campaign has already progressed not necessarily to their advantage, as the customary lack of attention to detail has left them covered in rather more than confusion.

Nothing to do with the Tories, honestly

Setting the characteristically low tone was a post titled “Ed Miliband’s Girly Laugh”, contributed by the newly anointed teaboy Alex “Billy Liar” Wickham. Could anyone else go lower? You betcha, says Sarah: the odious flanelled fool Henry Cole, tame gofer to slob-in-chief Staines, was on the case, and whatever was in the case, he can drink it himself, thanks very much. Master Cole’s favoured subject was transport.

Behold a transport expert. Or maybe not

“Dugher Defeated: Labour’s War On Motorists Back On” he proclaims, taking as his reason this manifesto passage on freezing rail fares: “The cost, of just over £200 million, will be fully funded by switching spending within the existing transport budget from delaying road projects on the A27 and A358 for which the economic case is still uncertain”. This constitutes a “war on the motorist”? Here’s the Cole clincher.

“The A27 is one of the busiest trunk roads in the UK, a vital connection to Portsmouth”. Very good, the project being delayed, because of the environmental impact - it cuts through a national park - is a new by-pass for Arundel, which is some 25 miles east of Portsmouth. I say “new by-pass”, as the town centre is already by-passed, but with a single carriageway road which no doubt constrains traffic volumes.

Still, what’s 25 miles to the flannelled fool? Try again, Hen: “Anyone heading toward the West-Country will know the A303/A358 corridor is a mess”. The A358 scheme does not touch on the A303, except to dual what is not already dualled between Horton Cross (near Ilminster) and the M5. That distance is around nine miles. It does look as if Master Cole has Googled the Somerset County Council information - but failed to read it.

Can it get even worse? It certainly can: on economics, Cole was so stuck for a snark that he was reduced to whining “The fact that Labour need an independent lock to stop them borrowing looks like proof they don't even trust themselves”. Rather like saying that getting a three year guarantee on your new car is because the manufacturer trusts their product even less than if you’d got no guarantee at all. What an intercoursing clown.

Then he puts the lid on it: “Ed pleads with the audience not to hound hacks. New low … ‘seriously, seriously, that is Fisal's job to ask questions’ pleads Ed as members sharpen their pitchforks”. Nobody got hounded, but someone did correct his elementary mis-spelling of Faisal Islam’s name. The correction came from Mo Ansar. Yes, Cole is such a meathead that he makes Mo Ansar appear wise and knowledgeable.

Can the Fawkes rabble maintain this level of idiocy for more than three weeks? It’s a tough challenge even for the “disownable branch of Conservative HQ”. Another fine mess.