Dan Hodges Has Left The Reality Building

All that mud slung at Mil The Younger, and still the polls refuse to move conclusively in the direction of Young Dave and his jolly good chaps. While some out there in the right-leaning press are exhibiting a mixture of panic and aggressive denunciation at the sound of the Labour leader’s name, there is always one dependable, if tediously carping, voice willing to tell the readers that Ed is rubbish, so there.

Disaster for flailing, er, Hodges actually

To no surprise at all, that voice belongs to the less than legendary blues artiste Whingeing Dan Hodges, whose dismissal of Miliband on more or less every level has been so predictable since his election as party leader that he might have saved time by putting all those complaints on a tape loop. Nothing, repeat nothing, repeat NOTHING, good would come from electing the wrong brother as party leader.

But Dan did not always get it right. “If Ed Miliband  picks a fight with the unions he'll lose” (he did, and didn’t) … “If Ed Miliband goes to war with business he'll lose” (his paper says he has, but hasn’t lost). Anyway, Ed was a loser, right? “I'm genuinely starting to think Ed Miliband has given up on winning. Just wants to lose in ‘the right way’” mused Dan. So don’t get any ideas about winning the election.

The carping dismissal went on and on (and on and on and on), typified by “Ed Miliband must be left to lead his party to defeat”. Was there no hope of redemption? Hardly: “The fact I am predicting Ed Miliband's defeat is his best hope”. So that’s a no, then. No, Labour was heading for defeat: “For 4 years Labour has been lying to itself about winning the election. Finally the lying can stop”.

Hodges’ riposte to Paul Burgin’s accusation of personal dislike was typical: “That's because you have to come up with some other rationale other than I'm right about him leading you to defeat”. Dan was right, er, right? And Dan was so expert in his Miliband analysis that he could do a little of that damning with faint praise: “Ed Miliband is brave and he is principled and he is utterly, utterly wrong”.

And woe betide anyone suggesting otherwise: “Mary Riddell: ‘Mr Miliband’s friends say he is determined to tough this one out, certain that public decency will prevail’. Jesus wept”. Look, Ed’s rubbish and he’s going to lose, right? This was dead easy: “So let me get this right. Ed Miliband can't even walk down the street now without it becoming a communication's disaster”. As opposed to a punctuation disaster, of course.

Ed was even rubbish at by-elections: “If it's any consolation, even I didn't think I'd be writing ‘Why Rochester is a disaster for Ed Miliband’”. He’s a disaster, right? Oh hang on, what’s this from the Spectator today? “Miliband could still win. If he does, here's what'll happen next, says [Dan Hodges]”. Yeah, he’ll still be rubbish!

So let me get this right: Ed Miliband has been a loser for almost five years, until Dan Hodges wakes up and detects that the wind direction has changed not necessarily to his advantage. Then he suddenly becomes a potential winner. How does it feel to have been so wrong for so long, Dan? Or does the money make it worthwhile? Pass the sick bucket.