Ed Miliband Is Now A Sex Machine

The Northcliffe House bunker must be an even more joyless place than usual right now: with the Tories resorting to desperate personal attacks in order to try and unsettle Mil The Younger, and some polls showing Labour opening a lead, the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre sees the growing possibility of a new Government whose Prime Minister cannot be readily bent to his will.

What can the Vagina Monologue do to move the election numbers in his chosen party’s favour? The Mail has been slinging mud at Miliband for months now, and little good it has done. The vicious and deeply hypocritical attack on the Labour leader’s late father backfired, the “Red Ed” taunts made no difference, the attempts to paint Miliband as inept and weak have gone nowhere too. So now the Mail has gone beyond mere parody.

Yes, Ed is no longer weak, weird, or useless - he’s a sex machine! “Red Ed's VERY tangled love life: Miliband's wife tells of fury after meeting 'unattached' Ed, only to learn he was seeing Newsnight's Stephanie - just one of a number of relationships he had with women from same clique” is the headline. Hey readers, Doctor Dacre is telling you all about LURVE here! Oh, and lock up your daughters, while you’re at it.

The headline’s bad? It gets worse: “the story of the pair's first meeting offers a fascinating insight into the somewhat caddish character of the Labour Leader”. Oh I say! A veritable cad! How jolly awful! Before long, we’ll find that he was a bounder, to boot! But do go on. “For, not only did he knife his elder brother in the back by ending his dream of getting the Labour leadership by standing against him … but he met his future wife Justine (albeit unwittingly) at that dinner party hosted by his then girlfriend”.

Readers who are still reading will note that the Mail considers Miliband’s party leadership is somehow illegitimate, which would be interesting had he not won the vote back in 2010. And what is wrong with two people meeting for the first time at a dinner party? This does not even rate on the feeble scale. And that tells you something.

All that this clueless and desperate slice of knocking copy tells you is that Ed Miliband, before he settled down with the highly sound and much underestimated Justine, dated a number of other young women, who were highly intelligent, smart, attractive, and independent. What the Mail therefore admits is that all these women knew Miliband well, yet none of them thought he was weak, weird or useless.

In other words, it does not take much application of the grey matter to conclude that what the Mail is revealing is not going to put voters off the Labour leader. Instead, their misguided attack will just reinforce the impression that Dacre’s attack doggies have been lying to their readers about his character. Women voters will be at the very least intrigued. And men will rather like the idea that Ed is, in reality, a TOP LAD.

So that’s another damp squib from the Vagina Monologue. Not going too well, is it?