In the latest edition of Pointless Politicians, Theresa May once again broadcast to a waiting nation from Downing Street to bring the news that, once more, she hadn’t got a clue what she was doing. Her problem was twofold: one, that the nation was waiting for something else, having tired of her previous appearances on the show, and two, that her latest excuse for doing nothing wasn’t going to wash.
Our beloved Prime Minister, having failed three times to get her Brexit deal through Parliament, has now decided on a new tack - blaming Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. This is, as they say, a high risk strategy, not least because it’s not true. She has failed to persuade her own party, which is now hopelessly split over the issue. But she will invite Jezza for talks. And that has incensed the usual suspects.
As the BBC has reported, “Tory Brexiteer Boris Johnson has accused Mrs May of ‘entrusting the final handling of Brexit to Labour’ … Jacob Rees-Mogg, another prominent Brexiteer, described the offer as ‘deeply unsatisfactory’ and accused Mrs May of planning to collaborate with ‘a known Marxist’”. The doubly hilarious sight of Rees Mogg sniffing at Jezza over something he knows nothing about is one to savour.
Jacob Rees Mogg, and indeed most Tories, would not be able to define Marxism if it jumped up in front of them and kicked them in the undercarriage. Still, the right-leaning part of our free and fearless press had a stab at it. Wrongly and also hilariously.
The increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph protested “Cabinet backs no-deal Brexit [not true] - but May turns to Corbyn instead”. The Murdoch Sun put it more directly, as in direct panic, with “PM To Corbn: HELLLLPP! … After 7 hours of Cabinet lockdown, May’s gone soft over Brexit mess … IS THAT YOUR BRIGHT IDEA?”
What does that mean? Who knows, and indeed, who cares? The Mail was rather more righteous, thundering “May delays Brexit AGAIN and kills off No Deal … Boris leads Tory fury as Corbyn invited to ‘compromise’ talks … Seven-hour Cabinet told ‘national unity’ trumps party … THERESA’S LAST STAND”. In other words, they miss the point.
So does the joke newspaper claiming to be the Express, which spluttered “After marathon Cabinet meeting, PM throws down gauntlet to end Brexit deadlock … IT’S TIME FOR NATIONAL UNITY … OVER TO YOU, MR CORBYN”. So let me put them all straight on the rather obvious thrust of Theresa May’s gambit, and why it will not succeed.
What the PM is trying to achieve is somehow to use her meeting with Jezza to play a game of Pass The Parcel, the parcel in question being responsibility for the Brexit shambles. Her problem is that Jezza and his team have already identified the parcel in question, and have made damn sure they do not sign for it.
Which brings us back to where this post started: another edition of Pointless Politicians, another kicking of the Brexit can down the road, another lame attempt to show the nation that something is going on within Downing Street (unlikely), and another impending failure.
It’s really a remake of The Prisoner. As in The Prisoner Of Downing Street.
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