Platell Cannot Mention Labour

As the Daily Mail’s bevy of dubiously useful Glendas continues to churn out its generally predictable copy, one of their number, the appalling Amanda Platell, will be optimistically counting down the days to the return of The Andy Marr Show (tm), and more opportunities for Herself Personally Now to appear on the sofa. But in the meantime, she congratulates herself on Doreen Lawrence’s peerage.

A scene some viewers may find distressing

“Doreen Lawrence's peerage will be a welcome change from the ragbag of cronies sycophants and schmoozers we are used to ... When news leaked that Doreen Lawrence was to be among the 30 new members of the House of Lords, I couldn't have been more pleased”. Well, good for you Mandy, but haven’t you left out one little detail that displeases your legendarily foul mouthed editor?

And, as the man said, there’s more: “Instead of peerages doled out to reward millionaire donors and party cronies, here was someone who truly deserved her honour - a woman whose courage and selfless determination has made such a huge contribution to British life”. I doubt that anyone is disagreeing with you, Mandy, but you’ve missed out a word that the Mail doesn’t like.

“Now consider the other 29 new peerages that have just been announced. And what a ragbag of schmoozers, lobbyists and donors they are. There was Brian Paddick, dubbed the 'Cannabis Commander' for his soft touch on marijuana, but best known for his appearance on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! Oh, and there was one of Dave and George's best friends, Danny Finkelstein”. Yes, go on.

“The Upper House is a vital part of our democracy, where legislation is scrutinised, amended, even introduced ... We need peers with wisdom and experience of the real world in these troubled times, not sycophantic placemen ... So where are the men and women of stature and skill?” No, your editor is not getting a sodding gong. Now spit out that nasty word. Here’s a clue: it begins with “L”.

But wait – Mandy’s going there! Here it comes: “Just one hesitation over Doreen Lawrence’s ennoblement. I can’t help feeling it might have been better for her to sit as a cross-bencher so that she could have continued her work fighting for justice for anyone, whatever their colour, creed . . . or party affiliation”. No, she’s flunked it. Ms Platell can only hint: she might as well have been Ipcressed.

What Mandy cannot say, because the Mail, having pushed long and hard for the conviction of her son’s killers, is that Doreen Lawrence will sit as a Labour peer in the Lords. The present Labour Party is so detested by the Vagina Monologue that he clearly cannot allow his pundits to mention it. So Ms Platell has to make do with a nudge and a wink, but cannot use the L-word.

That’s utterly pathetic, but should surprise no-one. What a bunch of saddoes.