Mail Editor - No Gong AGAIN

What a day Missus! What a day! What a day for borrowing that comedy dildo from Rich Peppiatt, getting one of those Tube things, going over to Belgravia - dead posh thur - shoving it through Paul Dacre’s letterbox and saying “Aye aye - there’s no gong for you again this year!” What a day! Tatty bye everybody! Tatty Bye!!

What's so f***ing wrong with throwing a mardy strop at the c***s who won't give me a f***ing gong, c***?!? Er, with the greatest of respect, Mr Jay

Another year, another occasion for the Daily Mail’s legendarily foul mouthed editor Paul Dacre to come away empty handed, bereft at the lack of recognition given to him in respect of his quarter-century tenure, no reward for 25 years of stirring up hatred and fear among his devoted readers, no thanks for crapping all over all those people who are not white, who aren’t God-fearing Christians, who don’t vote the way he tells them, and who give a damn about the plight of those less fortunate than themselves.

So today’s Mail front page is once again devoted primarily to sneering dismissal of the honours system, telling readers “Honour for mandarin who gives away £12bn of your money … ARISE SIR FOREIGN AID”. Yes, let’s be mean-spirited and grossly un-Christian about foreigners, especially those who are brown and black, and most especially those who don’t follow the religion prescribed by the Vagina Monologue.

Only as an aside does the Mail’s front page mention Ken Dodd’s knighthood, which is deemed acceptable for Daily Mail readers. Similar awards given to Andy Murray (Scottish, and so unacceptable to Dacre, despite his owning an estate in the country), Jessica Ennis Hill (not white), Mo Farah (not white and born somewhere foreign, dammit) and Mark Rylance (Luvvie) are kept tucked away inside the paper.

Even there, we are reminded that “Fifteen gongs went to officials at the Home Office, where Theresa May served for six years … Tory donor David Ord, who has given the party £930,000, is knighted for ‘political service’”, with the level of desperation meaning the rent-a-quote MP is … you guessed it: “Tory MP Philip Davies said Mr Lowcock, 54, should be known as ‘Sir Waste-a-Lot’ after presiding over a department that had become a byword for inefficiency”. Yeah, he’s only a plain Mister in the Mail!

What a day to brandish a spur tickling stick, Missus!

And we know that Lowcock, whether Mr or Sir, will be getting more of the Mail treatment: “While it is common for long-serving Whitehall mandarins to be handed honours, the timing of Mr Lowcock’s knighthood looks set to revive anger over the foreign aid budget … He is a close friend of Cabinet Secretary Sir Jeremy Heywood, and is said to have shared a flat with him when they were starting out in the Civil Service”. That’s “Sir Cover-Up” to you.

All the others awarded honours - which include the great Ray Davies of Kinks legend - are relegated to a footnote, such is Paul Dacre’s vindictive bitterness at not being given the gong he believes is his by right. After all, his predecessor David English got one, and, dammit, Max Hastings, who he employs as a mere pundit, got one too. Now he has to have one - and until and unless he does, he will keep on with the mardy strops.

It must be sad to be so full of rage and hatred for the world. And not getting a gong for it.