Don’t Menshn Clarkson

The arguments over what Jeremy Clarkson did and said to cause the BBC to pull the last three editions of Top Gear and carry out a disciplinary hearing have not subsided: indeed, after the Mail On Sunday’s suitably creative interpretation of what they were told by an allegedly “senior executive” at the Corporation, if anything the amount of heat-not-being-reflected-in-light has increased.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

And shedding no light at all on the saga from her perch in reassuringly upmarket Manhattan has been (thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch, who by the most fortunate of coincidences has been on-message with all the rest of Creepy Uncle Rupe’s obedient hacks and pundits. The Sun is hidden away behind a paywall, but a Zelo Street regular has taken a shot of her column (see how that works, Rupe?).

From this, it is clear that Ms Mensch is trying to suggest that Jezza and producer Oisin Tymon are equally to blame, which is most interesting, given she was 3,000 miles away at the time. “Jeremy Clarkson is right-wing so the BBC is looking for any excuse to ditch him” she trills. Er, John Humphrys (Daily Mail regular), Andrew Neil, Melanie “not just Barking but halfway to Upminster” Phillips? But, as the man said, there’s more.

“Scottish comedian Brian Limond … can scrawl ‘die now’ across a picture of Margaret Thatcher and a red line across her throat, and no discipline takes place”. And, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. One, Limond apologised for that, so there may well have been disciplinary action, or at least the prospect of it. And two, the only MP complaining about his actions was called, er, Louise Mensch. Remember?

Then we get to the main event: “So he took a swing at a producer? Time was, the answer would have been to step outside and take a swing back … Can’t the two of them settle it privately?” See, they’re both at fault! Tymon is clearly fearful of losing his job, which, something that seems to have escaped Ms Mensch, he would be instantly liable to do if he “stepped outside and took a swing back”. But the worst is kept for last.

“The anger at the BBC is over its double standards. It protected itself when it came to Jimmy Savile but it is forever trying to unseat a white, right-wing male the country adores”. Er, hello Louise? Jimmy Savile, back in the day, was a white, right-wing male the country adored. He was confirmed in this status by none other than Mrs T herself. While your paper is kicking the BBC for allegedly comparing Clarkson to Savile, you are actually doing just that yourself. With friends like you, Jezza has no need of enemies.

Can she dig herself in deeper? You betcha, says Sarah: “It Clarkson is fired or quits he should go into politics … He’d make a great Tory MP - Minister for Transport?” Yeah, right. Like Jezza would forego the opportunity to trouser More And Bigger Paycheques For Himself Personally Now so he can be just more constituency cannon fodder.

Remember, Louise Mensch was allowed to become an MP. There may be others.