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Friday 3 January 2020

Halal Bread - Head, Meet Desk

New Year would not be new year without a new chapter in the paranoia generated by those out there on the far right towards all those Scary Muslims™. So it was no surprise that January had hardly begun when the latest Halal Scare™ kicked off. Except there was nothing to be scared about. Sadly, that was not enough to persuade those who truly believed that they were making fools of themselves.
One member of the far right brains trust has been studying the wrapping of a loaf of bread, specifically a loaf of Warburton’s bread. Having duly studied the wrapping, that brains trust member came to the conclusion that something dastardly and terrible had been done to the contents - because the wrapping said that the bread was Halal.
Using the hashtags “#uk #brexit #conservatives”, followers were told “Warburtons bread is now HALAL certified - why do 96% of population have to have Islamic Halal put onto them in their lives & effectively overriding  their own religions just because 4% want it?” Another brains trust member added “Well that is the last time I have Warburtons bread I eat or in my home, I have only eaten Warburtons, but I'd rather go without than have Halal contamination. Shit those people usually make their own bread, pitta's, and nans. Hope Warburton goes out of business quickly as a cost”. Oh dear!
One Tweeter helpfully responded “You’ve misunderstood the situation. The bread isn’t contaminated with/by Halal. It has been deemed Halal because of the ingredients used, which is still the same as always. Do you have any Kellogg’s cereal at home, have a look on be back”. And there on the back of the cereal box was the Halal symbol.
Another said more or less the same thing. “Mate, it’s vegan approved, halal approved, kosher approved. If you aren’t Vegan, Jewish or Muslim this information isn’t relevant to you, it’s just bread. Same bread it always was. I mean it’s shit mass-produced trash bread. But it’s not like there’s any animal welfare concerns”. And there was more.
Kosher & Halal seem to be trending. Is it to do with the way Warburton's slaughter their bread?” asked one observer. But the original Tweeter was unmoved, returning to warn “its also down to things like if the workers wear latex gloves with any pig in them - panasonic just got a factory certified halal to make water dispensing machines  - have a read”.
More education was required. “They're trying to get a foothold in Malaysia. They can't get halal certification if the COMPANY uses any non halal goods, it's got nothing to do with creeping Sharia or employees not being allowed to touch pig”. It wasn’t getting through. “If it’s any comfort to you I won’t buy Warburton’s bread or other produce AND  I won’t go on holiday to a Muslim country and never knowingly eat halal meat. Is that alright [by] you?
After another of the brains trust had whined “I believe Kingsmill is the same. Hovis is UK”, reality intervened once more. "Imagine refusing to buy bread cuz it *checks notes* doesn’t have meat in it. Spoiler alter: Hovis is also Halal”. Another respondent added “Outrage on Twitter now that Warburton’s bread has been Halal certified. Talk of boycotts. Some other things that are certified halal. 1. Water 2. Oxygen … Good luck”.

What’s more, Brexiting and the Conservatives won’t change any of that. Sad, really.
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Wildswimmer Pete said...

I won't entertain Warburtons bread or baked goods because the company is a massive donor to the Tory Party. Same with Ginster's. In my area (Cheshire and Merseyside) Roberts bread is not only nicer but it's baked here in Cheshire. Is Roberts bread halal? Never checked.

Anonymous said...

A century or two ago the enemy was Catholics.

When that began to fade the Jews were targeted (again) in the last century.

When the Holocaust made that a no-no, the Muslims were and are the next useful enemy. Except there are considerably more of them than the others. Which makes it that much more difficult for Big Brother West.

The fact is the West NEEDS an enemy to maintain its system. Orwell knew whereof he spake in 1984.

Watch now as the insane USA and its hang-dog British allies send off more young men and women to die for oil. After all, oil prices just went up 4%. All of which should have the Texas cowboys ridin' into town to shoot up the sheriff.

We've been here before.

Anonymous said...

If you cannot see, for your indomitable bias, that European peoples and their attributions to civilisation are under a precarious threat from both within by an apathy and self hatred and without, from an anger and an envy, some of which is deserved but much of which is delusional and accounts for nothing more than a relapse into a toxic passivity so much adored by people on the far-left of the spectrum, then you will never realise the truth and stay stuck in your childish wish for a perceived wonderland whilst committing moral and cultural suicide to achieve it.

‘the West NEEDS an enemy to maintain its system’ hmm...does it now.

grim northerner said...

Not to keen on foreign people are we?

Arnold said...

There was an item about this on Newsthump, but I hadn't realised that it was based on a real event. There's no difference between real news and satire nowadays.

Andy McDonald said...

Ah yes, "cultural suicide", AKA why is that white girl hanging out with that black man and isn't all over me?

Paul said...

Attributions? You sure? Here's one of my place's *contributions to civilisation. The biggest danger it faces is not having enough money. Also, AFAIK, the only religion that's complained about it is not unadjacent to Christianity. http://montolfestival.co.uk/

nparker said...

Why is it horrible 'bias' when it's a different opinion, and not bias when yours?

Of course its bias, it's the views of the author. You're not the default mate, no matter how much you whine with your racist, pointless mouth.