New Year would not be new year without a new chapter in the paranoia generated by those out there on the far right towards all those Scary Muslims™. So it was no surprise that January had hardly begun when the latest Halal Scare™ kicked off. Except there was nothing to be scared about. Sadly, that was not enough to persuade those who truly believed that they were making fools of themselves.
One member of the far right brains trust has been studying the wrapping of a loaf of bread, specifically a loaf of Warburton’s bread. Having duly studied the wrapping, that brains trust member came to the conclusion that something dastardly and terrible had been done to the contents - because the wrapping said that the bread was Halal.
Using the hashtags “#uk #brexit #conservatives”, followers were told “Warburtons bread is now HALAL certified - why do 96% of population have to have Islamic Halal put onto them in their lives & effectively overriding their own religions just because 4% want it?” Another brains trust member added “Well that is the last time I have Warburtons bread I eat or in my home, I have only eaten Warburtons, but I'd rather go without than have Halal contamination. Shit those people usually make their own bread, pitta's, and nans. Hope Warburton goes out of business quickly as a cost”. Oh dear!
One Tweeter helpfully responded “You’ve misunderstood the situation. The bread isn’t contaminated with/by Halal. It has been deemed Halal because of the ingredients used, which is still the same as always. Do you have any Kellogg’s cereal at home, have a look on be back”. And there on the back of the cereal box was the Halal symbol.
Another said more or less the same thing. “Mate, it’s vegan approved, halal approved, kosher approved. If you aren’t Vegan, Jewish or Muslim this information isn’t relevant to you, it’s just bread. Same bread it always was. I mean it’s shit mass-produced trash bread. But it’s not like there’s any animal welfare concerns”. And there was more.
“Kosher & Halal seem to be trending. Is it to do with the way Warburton's slaughter their bread?” asked one observer. But the original Tweeter was unmoved, returning to warn “its also down to things like if the workers wear latex gloves with any pig in them - panasonic just got a factory certified halal to make water dispensing machines - have a read”.
More education was required. “They're trying to get a foothold in Malaysia. They can't get halal certification if the COMPANY uses any non halal goods, it's got nothing to do with creeping Sharia or employees not being allowed to touch pig”. It wasn’t getting through. “If it’s any comfort to you I won’t buy Warburton’s bread or other produce AND I won’t go on holiday to a Muslim country and never knowingly eat halal meat. Is that alright [by] you?”
After another of the brains trust had whined “I believe Kingsmill is the same. Hovis is UK”, reality intervened once more. "Imagine refusing to buy bread cuz it *checks notes* doesn’t have meat in it. Spoiler alter: Hovis is also Halal”. Another respondent added “Outrage on Twitter now that Warburton’s bread has been Halal certified. Talk of boycotts. Some other things that are certified halal. 1. Water 2. Oxygen … Good luck”.
What’s more, Brexiting and the Conservatives won’t change any of that. Sad, really.
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