Nigel Farage Presents Blackmail

Other political parties are launching their General Election campaigns, and so the alleged party that is the latest vehicle for Oberscheissenführer Nigel “Thirsty” Farage has decided it must follow suit. Thus the man himself was there this morning, telling the world how the Brexit Party had 500 candidates ready to descend on London brandishing signed nomination papers. Or maybe there would be less than 500 of them.

Squeaky electoral extortion finger up the bum time

Because Farage has a little blast from the past to bring us: he has clearly been viewing a retrospective of Monty Python, and seen the transformation of mundane chartered accountant Herbert Anchovy into the glitzy host of Blackmail (“no no Sir, we don’t morally censure you, we just want the money”). At this point the electric lightbulb lit up above his head and an idea was born. He would do a little blackmail of his own on the Tory Party.

The Farage electoral strategy is explained

And Michael Crick, lurking in reception and other places of interest, was there to record The Great Man’s thoughts. “Farage tells Johnson ‘drop the deal’. ‘I am more than willing to compromise my position.’” Or even someone else’s position. But do go on, Nigel. “I believe the only way to solve this is to build a Leave Alliance across this country....  If it was done Boris Johnson would win a very big majority”. And he would owe Mr Thirsty big time.

But what if Bozo’s not bent, Mr Bridger? “(If Boris doesn’t agree to alliance) We will contest every single seat in England, Scotland and Wales.... Next Monday we have 500 candidates coming to London and they will all sign their candidate forms on that day”. What about the cost? “We have enough money right now for a fully funded election”.

How flexible is Sir prepared to be? “I’m open to local exceptions ... Already we are being approached for informal arrangements on the ground”. And don’t forget the patriotism angle: “We are prepared in the Brexit Party to put country before party”. Crick helpfully added “Farage suggests he’s giving Johnson til close of nominations on 14 Nov to agree his Alliance proposal”. What he is really saying can be summed up directly.

“Nice election winning party you’ve got there, Bozo. Pity if something were to happen to it”. Or, put more succinctly, blackmail. As Ian Dunt noted, “Farage says if Tory MPs renounce the deal, he won't campaign against them”. James Melville added “Nigel Farage confirms that the Brexit Party will contest all seats in England, Scotland and Wales unless Boris Johnson scraps his Brexit deal and moves to WTO rules. This presents a huge vote splitting risk to the Tories in the South of England and Labour in the North of England”.

Yes, the crudest of blackmail, with Nige demanding that Bozo effectively admit that his deal is “Not Brexit” and embrace Farage Fantasy Brexit, unicorns and all. And, as Jon Stewart might have put it, two things here. One, Bozo’s deal is bad enough for the UK, with a GDP hit three times worse than the 2008 recession. And Two, Bozo’s chief polecat despises Mr Thirsty with a passion. So that’s going to be a no, then.

Nigel Farage wants the Tories to slip him the envelope Behind The Hot Water Pipes, Third Washroom Along, Victoria Station. But although the Tories are a complete shower, they are not that much of a complete shower. And they aren’t going to be blackmailed.

Nige thinks he’s the real Mafia Don. But he’s just another clueless spiv. Sad, really.

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