Nigel Farage - Gutless Chicken

And so, for Brexit Party Oberscheissenführer Nigel “Thirsty” Farage, push finally came to shove today: many of his own supporters, and indeed candidates, did not want to stand all those 600 candidates in the forthcoming General Election. Some had decided in their lack of wisdom to trust alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, despite Farage telling them that Bozo’s deal was Not Really Brexit.

Squeaky cowardice finger up the bum time

Of course, for Farage, any deal would be Not Really Brexit. He is offering Fantasy Brexit, a land of plenty that does not exist, and never will. So he is, in his own way, as shameless a liar as Bozo. But now that our free and fearless press was commanding him to stand aside for Bozo, he had to stop and listen. After all, the Daily Brexit, otherwise known as the Express, was already shifting its loyalty towards the Tories.

So it was that the BBC reported “The Brexit Party has announced that it will not stand candidates in the 317 seats won by the Conservatives at the 2017 general election. Party leader Nigel Farage said standing candidates across the country could increase the chances of another EU referendum taking place. But he said the party would stand against all other parties - and focus on taking seats off Labour”. Of course he did.

Hurdy Brexit Porty Chucky

Meanwhile, the Brexit Party’s chairman Richard Tice, taking time off from threatening legal proceedings, told anyone who would listen “We are putting country before party”. Otherwise known as saving a shed load of lost deposits. But Tice will still be standing in Hartlepool, providing he can hire someone who can find it on the map.

Some were not impressed with the screeching 180-degree U-Turn, and one of those was former Labour spinner Alastair Campbell: “You bottled it. [Nigel Farage] and you. Brexit bottlers the pair of you. One day it is not Brexit, worse than May’s deal, the next day you’re backing it. What did it take? A peerage down the track? Or an order from Vlad?”

The suspicion is that Farage, an appallingly immodest man with much to me modest about, has been promised something as a quid pro quo by Bozo. Were that to prove true, it would show that (a) he is both vain and can be easily bought off, and (b) he too is foolish enough to trust Bozo further than he can chuck him.

He had called Bozo’s agreement with the EU “worse than Theresa May’s deal”. He said it would mean a “new EU treaty”. He claimed it would leave the UK close to the EU for years into the future. But now “He said Prime Minister Boris Johnson's commitment to strike a trade deal with the EU without ‘regulatory alignment’ was a ‘huge change’ in the Conservatives' approach to Brexit”. And if Bozo had wings, he’d be able to fly, eh?

You don't want the Bozo and Nige show? Vote for HIM

LBC host James O’Brien mused “Nigel Farage has completely disowned his own previous position, without explanation or justification. Again. Say what you like about the man, nobody could call him inconsistent!” Priyamvada Gopal, on the other hand, had a deadly serious response to the news. “The Racist RightWing Internationale Rises. With the help of an unelected gobshite”. All minorities should now be very afraid.

After all, Bozo has already committed to doing away with such niceties as human rights. You want that kind of Government? Fine. You don’t? You need to Vote Labour.

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