It has long been clear that the inmates of the Baby Shard bunker have, at best, a merely transient relationship with reality, an affliction that is particularly noticeable with the goons at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun. And on the subject of Europe, reality has been all but discarded, as the increasingly desperate Murdoch droids are visibly panicking at the news coming out of Brussels - that the Article 50 negotiations are not going well for the UK.
Still a has-been, still washed up
Hence the succession of ranting Sun editorials heaping abuse on Jean-Claude Juncker and Michel Barnier, and pretending that the leaders of France and Germany - along with the bosses of “Volkswagen, BMW, Mercedes, Siemens, Renault” - will ride to our rescue. Alongside this daily diet of drivel are pundits who are equally panicked, and equally clueless, which on a Sunday inevitably brings us to washed-up has-been Tony Parsons.
That Parsons has lost touch with the real world is clear from his pretence that Michael Caine is an authority on the EU, or indeed on anything. “THE greatest living Englishman, Sir Michael Caine, reflects on Jean-Claude Juncker, President of the European Commission and former Prime Minister of Luxembourg … ‘Up until I was 20, I thought Luxembourg was a radio station,’ says Caine. ‘I didn’t even know it was a country’”.
Bit like all too many people in the UK, then. But then he quotes the star of the Harry Palmer films and The Italian Job as saying “now he is running my country - and he doesn’t seem to like us”. Except Juncker is not running our country, or indeed any country. It should not surprise Tony Parsons that Caine has such a jaundiced view - the actor is a right-wing libertarian of the Ayn Rand school. He named his first daughter after the heroine in Rand’s novel The Fountainhead. He’s also an ardent Brexiteer.
Hello Brexit fans ... THIS IS ONLY A BLOODY FILM
This, though, cuts no ice with Parsons, who after pausing to whine “And although Brexit sometimes seems to be slipping away, this is the great problem for all the drooling, eye-swivelling Remaniacs - Starmer, Blair, Clegg, Osborne and the rest … They want us to stay in a union with people who hate us”, does away with reality completely.
“If only Michael Caine was handling Brexit negotiations with Brussels! Now there’s a man who would blow the bloody doors off”. The only problem with this idiocy is that Charlie Croker, the opportunist criminal of Italian Job fame, is not actually a real person. Nor is Harry Palmer of Ipcress File, Funeral In Berlin and Billion Dollar Brain fame. And nor is Jack Carter of Get Carter legend. They exist only on the cinema screen.
And someone who exists only through the screenplays of Troy Kennedy Martin (Italian Job), Len Deighton (who wrote the books the Harry Palmer films were based on), or Mike Hodges (Get Carter) is not going to be any use in negotiating a divorce settlement between Britain and the EU. Tony Parsons has become so desperate and detached from reality that he really believes someone will step out of the screen and save us.
He’s not dealing from a full deck. And not a lot of people know that.