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Sunday 9 January 2022

Piers Morgan’s New Sun Column ISN’T

The Super Soaraway Currant Bun has been enthusiastically trailing the imminent readmission of former Screws and Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan into the ranks of the Murdoch mafiosi. It has been rumoured that Morgan is being paid several millions a year for his services - so what is Rupe going to get for his considerable outlay?

And what's more, Ron ...

Will there be some spark of originality to justify the price tag? Some new insights on the worlds of journalism, showbusiness, sport and politics, subjects on which Morgan takes great pleasure in pontificating, ad infinitum, and, indeed, ad nauseam? Will there be a new take on leisure and travel, in which his possibly over-egged remuneration packages have allowed him to indulge? But you know the answer to all of those questions.

And it’s a big NO. But there will be the usual name-dropping, hot air generation, sneering dismissal of those of opposing view, demonstrations of conspicuous consumption, and the same obsessions. Which means, yes, he’s still moaning about Megs.

Hence the headline of the Sun article: “Meghan Markle tried to cancel me - she’s in for a very nasty surprise, says Piers Morgan ahead of his new Sun column”. Reality and honesty need not detain Murdoch’s star signing. But do go on. “Nine months after refusing to apologise to Meghan Markle - which saw him unceremoniously axed from Good Morning Britain - the star is back: Bigger, better, bolder and, now, uncensored”.

Mouth artist with column at Mail Online and millions of Twitter followers - plus his industry connections - censored? Cancelled? Bullshit. But sadly, there is more. “He launches his new, no-holds-barred column in The Sun next week and, naturally, promises to have the last word on the mouthy Duchess of Sussex”. He’s going to moan about Megs.

Piers who?

He says so himself: “Pushy little Princess Pinocchio tried her utmost to cancel me, and she will be in for a very unpleasant surprise when I emerge, like Lazarus, from my den … It was a pretty bruising experience on Good Morning Britain but I’m now working somewhere where I’m free to express my opinions”. Yes folks, him shooting his mouth off on GMB was not freedom to express his opinions. Did I mention that he’s going to moan about Megs?

You think I jest? “Every time Meghan and Harry try and pull a fast one on the royals I’ll be there to hold them to account”. And then comes an unfortunate admission. “Speaking from his Beverly Hills home - just 70 miles from the Duke and Duchess’s £11million mansion in Montecito”. It’s jealousy, isn’t it? Their place is bigger than his, right?

And on top of that, he thinks she fancied him. No, seriously: in a part of the article modestly titled “Piers meets Piers”, Morgan asks himself “Do you, deep down, think she once had a slight crush on you?” to which he answers “No question. Nobody’s ever slid faster into my DMs after I’ve followed them on social media”. Delusion, meet denial.

All of that feeds in to an obsessive itch that Morgan can’t stop himself very publicly scratching. So when The All-New Percy Moron Show™ debuts on TalkTV, expect him to carry on exactly where he left off at GMB and, later, Mail Online. Moaning about Megs.

I’m a very rare animal in the world of television” he tells the Sun. It’s certainly rare to be bunged such a huge wad to moan about someone who isn’t interested. Sad, really.


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19 comments:

Anonymous said...

The only thing that meff has ever held is his own penis.

Anonymous said...

With regards to Meghan Markle, what's all the £1 Daily Mail/Mail On Sunday compensation all about, anyone know?

It's That Shit Again said...

As Lister from Red Dwarf might say, "Smegging hell."

RodJ said...

Behold Piers Morgan and weep for the futility of his admirers' existence.

iMatt said...

Does Piss Moron not have anything else to occupy his life with? Deary me!

The toffee (597) said...

And that's every time he scratches his bonce.

FLooD said...

I could be being stupid but I am rushing off to Badblokes and putting this months mortgage on him whining about her, in the hope of making some easy money out of this.
I mean, what could go wrong?

Unknown said...

Invasion of privacy and publishing a letter to her Dad, without her permission...
All credit to her, she cleaned out the RW rag for likely £1 million inclusive of paying Meghan's legal fees.
Maybe the RW idiots might care to do some proper journalism instead of gossip.

Unknown said...

He has gone all flouncey on Twitter whenever anyone shares the infamous picture of him with convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell.
Piers can give it out, but can't take it when people fightback against his whingeing & resentment towards Meghanm

Anonymous said...

Yet another resurrection of Pierced Organ! How long before Meghan's lawyers start rubbing their hands together in delight at another bumper pay day!

Anonymous said...

Moron is actually Glenda Slagg in drag.

Unknown said...

I really hope Meghan's legal team are watching Piers very closely, can see them rubbing their hands in glee at another payout.

Mr Larrington said...

Count Binface pledged to make Piers “Morgan” Moron CBE* zero-emissions by 2030 but I think he needs to up his game.

* Colossal Bellend

Mark Hayhurst said...

I worked a little with Morgan. He is a clever guy but someone who will follow his own biases if he gets rattled.

I always thought that about Corbyn as well. I take a separate approach and try to cover all bases before forming an opinion.

Anonymous said...

When all’s said and done, he’s just mad that he didn’t shag her when (he thought) he had the chance.

Sturm Akyhah. said...

I once rote a play about bullshit spivs like Moron.

As a Tory bullshit spiv myself I derived it from me own persernil methods. That's why it got ecceptid for services to the Bozo Serkis.

That's wot I think. A bit like Ingmar Bergman. But not Ingrid, like.

Don't tell ennyone I hate Jeremy Corbyn though. It'll spoil me image and deflate me fragile ego.

Unknown said...

Read the Byline investigates article.they explain this£1 wrote about this Meghan's privacy reward.The £1 is not true.

Anonymous said...

Yes rich people need defending from mean tabloid hacks by us plebs.
Pity them.

Anonymous said...

@13:16.

No need to help rich people.

But every need to attack poisonous racist hacks.