Sun Says Vote Tory Or The Cat Dies

The Sun’s Sun Nation site - as blatant a slice of pro-Tory electioneering as you will see - has managed to attract more than 5,300 Twitter followers, and so might actually overtake Zelo Street by polling day. It’s not much of a return for all those hacks being dedicated to churning out dross for the site full-time, though, is it, Rupe? Perhaps the diet of loaded and desperate stories being turned out is turning off the voters.

How desperate would that be? “Ed Miliband is blaming Cam for one of the worst tragedies on Europe's shores in years … He is weaponising the biggest human tragedy on European shores for years … Labour was desperately backtracking this morning as the story broke on TV” spins deputy political editor Steve Hawkes, in a routine display of dishonesty. As Sir Sean nearly said, I think we got the point.

Meanwhile, today’s Sun editorial whines “Dozens of innocent Sun journalists, now cleared, were prosecuted on the say-so of a man later handed a safe Labour seat. Meanwhile the party remains determined somehow to enforce the Leveson Inquiry’s conclusions. It is all aimed at neutering papers like The Sun. This is what sinister state censorship REALLY looks like”. And to that I call bullshit. The Sun shopped its own hacks.

But hey ho, on with the spin, and the main event - Miliband is going to kill a cat. You think I jest? Sun Nation has the story, and, hey readers, it’s an exclusive (most likely because no other paper was desperate enough to make it up). “WHY LARRY THE CAT COULD BE HOMELESS IF MILIBAND BECOMES PM … Exclusive: We launch campaign to #SaveLarry” shrieks the headline. The cat’s going to get it!

Could this be the key issue that persuades all those voters who haven’t yet be persuaded by the torrent of spin and Labour-bashing abuse? Rupe’s downmarket troops certainly think so: “An exclusive SunNation investigation has found that Larry the cat could be shockingly kicked out of Number 10 and left homeless if Ed Miliband becomes Prime Minister”. And could not be kicked out, too. But do go on.

“David Cameron yesterday revealed to The Sun on Sunday that his children would be distraught to be parted from Laz if they move out after May 7 … Dave said his kids would ‘miss [No 10] and Larry the Downing Street cat who’s become almost like part of the family’ … But it appears Team Miliband are less concerned about Lazza’s welfare”. Ah, it appears. Like it appears that a desperate hack is writing shite to order.

So what makes them think that the dastardly Ed will dispose of Larry if he becomes PM in a fortnight’s time? You’ll love this one: “It’s hardly surprising that the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet could be chucked to the curb – Ed looks like the kind of chap who might suffer from a cat allergy”. Yeah, rotten lefties are going to kill the cat - so vote for Dave. Ed has been snapped blowing his nose, so he must be allergic to cats.

As opposed to being allergic to Murdoch-motivated bullshit, of course.