Very little happens in Bognor Regis, or at least very little that is considered newsworthy elsewhere in the world. But the South Coast resort once made infamous because of what George V allegedly said about it on his death bed has at last made the national news, and for all the wrong reasons. It has become the latest opportunity for the far-right to try whipping up the mob against all those Scary Muslims™.
The lead-up to this national news event is straightforward: three women in their 20s bought takeaways from the Istanbul Grill on Bognor High Street late one night recently. All three had bought kebabs; all three then discovered what looked like capsule pills in their food. The local Police attended and have arrested two men “on suspicion of administering poison with intent to endanger life, or inflict grievous bodily harm”.
As the BBC has reported, “Officers said they were investigating why the pills were in the food … Ch Insp Jon Carter said: ‘The investigation is at an early stage, and exactly what happened, and the motivations of those involved are not yet fully understood … However, there is nothing to suggest that any other food outlets are involved.’”
That was not sufficient to assuage the logic-leaping and ability to generate groundless conspiracy theories that is the speciality of Amateur Comedy Kidnapper Daniel Thomas, aka Danny Tommo. Thomas, who appears to have learnt the odd trick from his pal Stephen Yaxley Lennon, who styles himself Tommy Robinson, decided that this was not just a case of pills in food. He decided that it was about Grooming Gangs.
And off he went. “Please RT, so parents are aware! … Gemma Hood please get in touch! … I’ll be in Bognor tomorrow to report on this!” Parents? The women were all in their 20s. But now he’s put together a video message, which is a masterpiece of fantasy.
“I just wanted to give you a really quick update about the Bognor situation with the potential grooming gang [this means there isn’t one]. We’ve had it now confirmed from various sources that [the kebab shop] has been raided and those that were inside have been arrested [none of those sources are the cops, and most likely none are reliable]”.
There was more. “And now there are multiple stories coming from various people within the community that have had experiences in that kebab shop. Young girls, mothers telling stories about young girls being inappropriately touched and another story about a nine-year-old girl being dragged into the back of the shop [no reliable citation, and there probably won’t be one]. There are unconfirmed reports [see what I mean]”.
Danny Tommo has no idea what happened in the Istanbul Grill in Bognor. He’s spreading unsubstantiated gossip as if it were fact, in order to whip up the mob against More Of Those Scary Brown People™. But he claims he will be meeting those “affected”. Sadly, though, another of those “unconfirmed reports” suggests he’s having problems.
“Sources tell me that, the jerk-off-journo that is [Danny Tommo], has had a bad day in Bognor. Apparently, Daniel pulled his live-feed after self-doxxing his own address and phone number, and then got pulled for having no MOT”. No further questions, m’Lud.
That’s Danny Tommo - so inept he can’t spin a conspiracy without screwing up.
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