So Farewell (For Good) Darren Grimes

Never before had fifteen minutes of fame (or infamy) been stretched so far beyond the limits of elasticity. Push was surely destined to give way to shove, and so it came to pass that the not really crafty Darren Grimes was “let go” by Gammon Broadcasting™ News (“Bacon’s News Channel”), to the great relief of all those who had hoped it might happen rather earlier.

So how is this being spun? “Darren Grimes has announced he is departing GB News in an emotional message to viewers. The Saturday Five host has been a staple of The People's Channel since January 2022 … Announcing his decision to step away, Darren said: ‘This is it my friends, this is my last Saturday Five show on GB News’”. Pow! Zap!! DULL!!!

Sadly, there was more. “It's been an absolute joy to see this show, The Saturday Five, go from strength to strength, especially as I helped launch it two years ago … I think it's unique in the British broadcasting market and I know it'll continue to be a great success with these amazing guys here each week”. You’ll have to imagine him taking out his king-sized onion.

And, sadly, yet more. “And it's a a really bittersweet moment because while I'm excited for what's next, I also want to take a moment to acknowledge what this platform and, more importantly, what you, our brilliant viewers, have meant to me personally”. Wasn’t he supposed to have been finished?

“Over the last few years, I've had the privilege of speaking directly to so many of you as saying the things that far too many in the media are far too afraid to actually say … I feel we've tackled the issues head on, we've laughed at the absurdities of modern Britain and we've stood firm”. And then it got worse.

“Darren shed a tear as he continued his announcement with the other members of The Saturday Five panel - Emma Trimble, Dr Renee Hoenderkamp, Alex Armstrong and Cai Wilshaw - comforting Darren and laying hands on his shoulders”. Who they? Who knows? And, indeed, who cares? Oh, and “I'm off to pursue personal projects, but the fight for free speech, for common sense and for truth, it goes on and it must”.

That would be the “fight for free speech, common sense and truth” that saw Dazza broadcast an interview with crusty old bigot David Starkey, in which The Great Historian talked about “damn blacks”, for which he “had several honorary doctorates and fellowships revoked, book contracts and memberships of learned societies cancelled, and his Medlicott Medal withdrawn”. Grimes could have edited it out. He failed to do so.

Grimes, it should not be forgotten, got off a charge of breaking electoral spending law by claiming that his mis-statements were unintentional - in other words, that he was incapable of filling in a form correctly. He has gone from pro-EU and pro-Lib Dem activist to rabid foreigner-baiting Brexiteer, but not just to score clicks and attention, plus get a berth at GB News, oh no.

His last role at the channel was fronting a show called The Saturday Five, a shameless copy of The Five on Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse). The latter is one of FNC’s biggest ratings successes; its GB News copy hardly registers in that department. Whether that has anything to do with Dazza getting his marching orders I will leave for others to decide.

So what “personal projects”, other than desperately hawking his CV to anyone he can find, will Grimes be pursuing? Who knows, and, again, who cares? He’s just another to be found surplus to requirements at the hugely loss-making broadcaster, after Desperate Dan Wootton, not very good actor and DOA tunesmith Laurence Fox, and poundshop padré Calvin Robinson.

The problem for all of those who have gone before Dazza is the discovery that GB News is, to all intents and purposes, the very lowest rung in the media ladder, and not a place from which mainstream outlets are wont to recruit. This time it may really be the end - so he may end up having to find himself a real job. Big Issue seller? Fruit picker? Tube carriage cleaner?

Whatever. There goes Darren Grimes, finally on his way … out.

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Zelenskyy Encounters The Stupid Zone

And so it came to pass that, after Emmanuel Macron and Keir Starmer visited the White House and supposedly got Combover Crybaby Donald Trump in a more amenable frame of mind regarding the future of Ukraine, that country’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy arrived in Washington DC to experience for himself the masterly negotiating skills of the orange man-baby.

Except that no such skills were on display, because this, like the rest of the myth surrounding Trump, is horseshit of the basest quality. The Donald is only a serious businessman for the purposes of The Apprentice; in real life, he is a serial failure in such matters, and in all likelihood could not negotiate his way out of a paper bag. Nor could his Vice-President, J D Vance.

Zelo Street described Vance as a moron, because he is a moron. This skill was on full view as the world’s media assembled to see just how much successful softening-up had been performed on Trump earlier in the week, only to discover that the answer to that one was None At All.

Worse, it was clear that the sole reason Zelenskyy had been invited to DC was to humiliate him in front of the assembled media representatives. The problem for Trump and Vance was that he declined to be humiliated, and instead remained in combative mood when confronted with the onslaught of weapons grade stupidity from two individuals more ridiculous than Laurel and Hardy, but without any of the talent, or, indeed, any of the laughs.

Vance decided to talk about diplomacy. Zelenskyy had news for him: “Putin broke the ceasefire. What kind of diplomacy, JD, are you speaking about?” JD, for his part, fired back as if playing the lamest PR for the University of Lame in Lame City in the state of Lame. “I think it's disrespectful to come into the Oval Office and try to litigate this in front of the American media”.

Kaitlin Collins of CNN noted “What just happened in the Oval Office was nothing short of remarkable. What began with questions about security guarantees for a ceasefire with Ukraine turned into an angry shouting match between Trump, Vance and Zelensky. Trump was fuming, ending with, ‘We have empowered you to be a tough guy…You either make a deal or we are out. You don’t have the cards.’” What deal would that have been?

Aaron Rupar had more from Trump: “Don't tell us what we're gonna feel. You're in no position to dictate that. You're in no position to dictate what we're gonna feel. We're gonna feel very good and very strong. You're right now not in a very good position. You're gambling with World War 3”.

Who was dictating to whom, though? Clearly, more sneering humiliation was needed to show the foreigner who was boss. And so it was that a deeply stupid questioner called Brian Glenn piped up “Why don’t you wear a suit?!? Do you own a suit?” Who is this Brian Glenn? As if you needed to ask.

Drew Harwell of the WaPo knew. “The reporter who asked Zelensky if he owned a suit, Brian Glenn, is from the pro-Trump network Real America’s Voice and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene's boyfriend. He got one of the rare Oval Office interviewer spots after the White House blocked the Associated Press”. Mehdi Hasan added "What a joke this country has become. Far right Trump flatterers cosplaying as journalists in the Oval Office”.

It got worse: the Trump gang then asked the Ukraine delegation to leave the White House, a move which was briefed to Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse) as “kicked out”. At FNC, Bret Baier, formally one of their more sane pundits, suggested to Zelenskyy that he should apologise to Trump. But for what? A deliberate, crude and pointlessly stupid ambush?

Ron Filipkowski of Meidas Touch concluded “Trump and Vance needed to create an incident to provide a justification for their pre-planned abandonment of Ukraine now, then separation from NATO in the near future. That’s what that was all about, and that was always the way a second Trump term was going to go”. And the free world needs a new leader. Sharpish.

The USA is now in the hands of deeply stupid people. As in, more deeply stupid than any of their predecessors. Be afraid, people. Be very afraid.

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