Michael Gove - We Have To Talk

The absence from public gaze of Cabinet Office minister Michael “Oiky” Gove had been accompanied by a swirl of rumours, not least because of his recent divorce from appalling self-publicist Sarah “Vain” Vine. But press coverage came there none. Until the human embodiment of Elmer Fudd rocked up - literally - in an Aberdeen nightclub.

And it was then that radio silence was broken as the Daily Record told readers “Michael Gove raves at Aberdeen club in bizarre clips as ‘merry’ Tory minister leaves punters stunned … The senior Tory MP displayed some questionable dance moves in the small hours during this solo visit to Bohemia in Aberdeen city centre last night”.

There was more. “Bizarre clips shared with the Daily Record show the 54-year-old two-stepping, arm waving, hip jolting and head banging with fellow ravers, who allegedly bought the top-earning politician drinks all night … Gove is originally from the Granite City and was back in his hometown enjoying a night on the tiles following last month's news that he and wife Sarah Vine are to divorce”. But Gove was, it seems, more than merry.

Singer Emma Lament told the Record “Michael Gove walked into O'Neills at around 1.15am, the pub was just about closing. I'm almost sure he was by himself … The Tories aren't too popular in Scotland but people were generally quite nice to him. It's fair to say he'd had a good few shandies when he arrived at O’Neill’s”. He had not merely been to the Rub-A-Dub and become Elephant’s Trunk And Mozart. He was totally wasted.

The article also includes photos showing Gove duly making an idiot of himself, but moving right along, we come to the Press Excuse Brigade, characterised by the Mail telling “Newly-single Michael Gove throws some dad dance moves as he parties the night away 'alone' in an Aberdeen nightclub”. Nothing to see here, but just in case there is, we’ve wheeled out the quote marks. But no-one was making the obvious point.

Gove is 54. He is a senior cabinet minister. The Government of which he is a member has its hands full with Afghanistan, the Covid-19 pandemic, Brexit fallout and a whole lot more. What the merry fuck is he doing off his head in a nightclub? One cynical Tweeter looked at the scene and quipped “Ya da's handlin' the divorce well then”. Others weren’t so sure.

Alastair Campbell, who is also a Scot, responded “Please tell me this is a deep fake done by the Russians to undermine credibility in our government, our politics and our way of life”. But, sadly, it wasn’t. One Tweeter added “ministers have been ‘working tirelessly’ over the last week to evacuate British nationals and Afghans, with the priority being paddle boarding and throwing shapes”. And then another serious point was raised.

“This is not a photograph of a 54 year old man in charge of his life. Furthermore, if Murdoch is protecting him he is misguided and doing him no favours”. It had been suggested that there was some kind of injunction involved. Well, if there was, it didn’t stop the Daily Record spilling the beans on Gove’s excesses. Or absence from Government.

Michael Gove gives the appearance of going off the rails. Our free and fearless press would not keep schtum were he a rock musician, a Premier League footballer, or indeed a press regulation campaigner. So which particular cat has got their tongues this time?

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