What time is it Eccles?
There was irreverence, kitsch, mild outrageousness, and humour both intentional and unintentional, and not just from Graham Norton. A contest designed to bring nations together in the aftermath of World War 2 long ago shed any idea of taking itself too seriously. Viewers try and predict winners, get it totally wrong, and accept it’s all part of the fun. Until here in the UK, someone realises our entry garnered the dreaded Nul Points.
NUL POINTS!? But that’s for Norway! We can’t get NUL POINTS! I mean, who won the war? Yes, someone who should know better wheeled that one out: stop forward Tom Harwood, former replacement teaboy to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, and soon to be part of the presenting line-up at Gammon Broadcasting™ News (“Bacon’s News Channel”). Teaboy Tom wanted to talk war. And FREEM!
“Without the UK half these countries would not be free to perform in any song contests. Arguably the other half wouldn’t either. Their thanks? Nil points”. He forgot to mention the USA, the Empire, and, whisper it quietly, the former USSR, without which the Nazis would not have been defeated. Still, minor point, eh? But there was more.
Lewis Goodall of Newsnight decided to wind Harwood up a little. “I too would much prefer a song contest based on a sense of national gratitude about the events of the Second World War. Why has no one come up with that?” And it worked. “I think every year we should forgo the contest and simply hand out points to the countries that were most courageous and successful at standing up against Hitler”. Ri-i-i-ight.
He seems to have forgotten saying “We deserve to lose. Badly” and then going into Fawkes spin mode at the sight of the dreaded Nul Points. “Final results. This is a good deal for Britain. A good deal”. But at least “France have not won. Just rejoice at that news and congratulate our forces and the marines”. France is part of Argentina already!
How could the UK have done better, then, O wise one? “If we’d have put the United Kingdolls up we’d have taken this hands down”. I’m sure whoever oversees the UK entry will, er, not be taking him up on that. But there was a small consolation for him. “Everyone’s speaking English so we take the moral victory”. You reckon?
The winning entry, from Italy, was sung in, er, Italian. Just like their winning entry in 1964. Some people can’t get on board with the idea that a contest where the UK’s past winners have included Buck’s Fizz (bad) and the Brotherhood Of Man (worse) is always going to defy anything approaching highbrow analysis. Or that, like the EU, the UK first of all didn’t want to play, then when it did, got all upset because it didn’t always win.
In the words of the UK’s 1977 Eurovision entry, which was a runner-up (those were the days, eh?) we are now at Rock Bottom. Maybe cos we’re not very good at it, eh Tom?
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