Bozo Split - Divorce Done

Judge Sarah Gibbons, presiding over a private case brought before her at the Central Family Court yesterday, directed that no detail of that case relating to money may be revealed in any report. Given that the respondent in that case was one Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, and the case concerned his split from second wife Marina Wheeler, this has given our free and fearless press endless opportunity for speculation.

But we do know that those money issues had been settled. And though neither party attended, as the Mirror has reported, the Judge “gave Ms Wheeler permission to formally end the marriage”. This, too, has fuelled speculation: will Bozo now wed his live-in partner, former Tory spinner Carrie Symonds? Would she relish following in the footsteps of two women who have been treated in such cavalier fashion over the years?

So what kinds of numbers are being pitched by the 24-hour rolling news Speculatron? Well, the Mail (sorry folks, no link, you know how it is) reckons “Mr Johnson was said to have had £6.5million in cash and assets as of September 2018, but will have likely seen his wealth rise since becoming Prime Minister last July. It is therefore plausible that Ms Wheeler will be receiving around £4million if it is an equal split”.

Well, one hates to add to the speculation, especially because I can say from first hand experience - no details, I’m afraid - that Marina Wheeler, soon to become Bozo’s ex-wife, is a highly sound person who has been through quite enough of late, but she is not a QC for nothing. What might this mean? Well, apropos of nothing at all, you understand, I have included the interestingly-captioned cover of Private Eye issue 902 for your consideration.

Back with Bozo, there is only one thing on the minds of our free and fearless press going forward, and that is that they want to see a Downing Street wedding. This was clearly on the minds of those at the Daily Brexit, still called the Express, earlier: “Mr Johnson and Ms Wheeler are not divorced yet, so he cannot remarry just yet [the crap prose ain’t making it]. Once it’s finalised, however, the couple will be free to marry if they wish. Mr Johnson and Carrie Symonds, 31, are said to have been dating since 2019”. Only 2019, honestly!

But do go on. “Mr Johnson was coy when asked about the subject last year, telling reporters that marriage speculation was ‘a tiny bit premature’. The couple got a dog, named Dilyn, last year, seen as a sign they were keen to commit. There is speculation he will propose soon, as Ms Symonds can’t become a fully-fledged 'first lady' until the couple are married”. Which means what, exactly? How “fully fledged” does she need to be?

Certainly, the Murdoch Sun (no link there either, I’m afraid) wants to see those Prime Ministerial nuptials: after claiming “[Ms Wheeler] must now fill in a form known as a D36 [not Form L101, then?]. When completed and returned to the court, the couple’s divorce will be finalised within a fortnight”, they assert that Bozo “will soon be free to marry girlfriend ­Carrie Symonds”. The pressure on her to do the press’ bidding will be immense.

Especially as she most likely knows not only his past form for, er, extra-marital dalliances, but the rumours of how many times he may have already cheated on her.

An area Ms Wheeler will now be well shot of. Over to you, Ms Symonds. Bip Bip!

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