Former Royal correspondent Camilla Tominey, now associate editor at the increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph, has given up drinking. Completely. Which might come as a surprise to anyone reading the delusional claptrap to which she has put her name in this morning’s edition of the paper. The detachment from reality should have seen her article spiked, but then, orders are orders at the modern, news-free Tel.
This is my article here, and as you can see, it's total shite
Adding her article to the headline stupidity which claimed “‘Hypocrite’ Corbyn rejects election to break deadlock” - note the quote marks, plus Jezza is rejecting nothing - Ms Tominey, not long ago the Royal correspondent for the Express (and it shows), declared “The opposition leader is now a puppet, and his strings may soon be cut”.
And exactly how does she justify this routine act of invention? “Jeremy Corbyn cut a lonely figure as he sipped on his morning cappuccino in Parliament’s Adjournment restaurant yesterday … Ordinarily the Labour leader is accompanied by an aide or two as he undertakes his weekly ritual of poring over the newspapers ahead of Prime Minister’s Questions. But this time he was all by himself”. No shit, Sherlock. Do go on.
“Just feet away, Sir Keir Starmer, the shadow Brexit secretary, was enjoying a more sociable Westminster breakfast, surrounded by staff and repeatedly flagged down by lobby hacks eager for comment on the latest developments”. Gosh. And that means what?
Let me translate this for Ms Tominey. Jezza was having a little Peace and Quiet before PMQs, and, having delegated Brexit matters to Starmer to do the detail, it was the latter who, along with his staff, was getting on with business. And lobby hacks “flag down” taxis. They do not “flag down” someone who is sitting having breakfast.
Thus Ms Tominey shows she is yet another of those who would not have got in the door at the pre-Barclay Brothers takeover Telegraph. So what was the point of all this? “It came as confusion once again reigned over Labour’s Brexit position”. No. Just no. Jezza wants a General Election. But he won’t let Bozo The Clown have his No Deal way. Simples.
Or rather, it would be simple to a paper reporting the news, rather than propagandising for CCHQ. We even get “One MP told The Daily Telegraph ‘Starmer wants Corbyn to own the calling of the election so that when it goes wrong, he can blame Corbyn and seize power himself”. Note that we do not get to find out which party the MP represents.
But we do get the magnificently delusional “The cracks in the party line began to emerge after Tony Blair’s speech at the Institute for Government on Monday, where he described an election before Oct 31 as an ‘elephant trap’”. Again, just no. Labour’s leadership can detect elephant traps without needing Tone to point them out.
This is the crudest - and most ineffective - propagandising. It has already been overtaken by events, and grim reality. While Ms Tominey’s Telegraph colleague Allister Heath tells readers “Johnson’s breathtaking gamble is still on course for success”, out in the real world, Bozo’s kid brother Jo Johnson just resigned as a minister and an MP. Even his younger brother knows the game is up. Get real, Telegraph people.
We don’t want to Look Over There at Labour. It’s the Tories that are disintegrating.
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