Our free and fearless press is once again reporting selectively on what has been happening at talks in Brussels this week on Britain’s departure from the EU. And as usual, those who scrabble around the dunghill that is Grubstreet do plenty of moaning, while providing no solution of their own. What has set them off this time is the prospect of Theresa May needing an extension to the so-called transition period.
This news has been received in the style of the sky falling in, as the Mail has whined “PM ‘could make UK wait even longer’ to avoid no-deal cliff edge (but we’d have to keep paying EU billions) … ANOTHER YEAR IN BREXIT LIMBO?” and the Murdoch Sun has gone yet lower with “Is This The Kiss Of Death? UK could be under control of EU for one more year … BREXTRA TIME!” The pejorative language just never stops.
“Under control of EU”? What next? Oh yes, I forgot. WHO WON THE WAR?!?!? What pain there must be for the paper’s non-bullying political editor Tom Newton Dunn, a Remain supporter who has to write up this formulaic drivel, in which readers are told “Addressing the 27 national bosses at a tense summit in Brussels last night, the PM told them she is ‘ready to consider’ extending the 21 month transition period after the UK leaves the EU next March”. “National busses”? Crude and patronising to Sun readers, much?
But then came the warnings. “The potentially incendiary move has been drawn up by the EU’s chief negotiator Michel Barnier to try to end a bitter impasse over the Irish border.” Barnier? Baddie! BOO! HISS! Er, do go on. “It would mean abiding by all Brussels rules until December 2021 at the earliest, 12 months longer than No10’s current transition plan”.
Rules made by people who talk foreign! BOO! HISS! Oh, and guess what else it would mean? “And that would include continuing free movement of all migrants, as well as the UK having to fork out another £9bn into EU coffers in fees, while having no say in any Brussels decision making”. Migrants! BOO! HISS!
Worst of all, “The PM's high stakes play runs the risk of infuriating hardline Brexiteers who have long opposed keeping any ties to the EU beyond Brexit day on March 29, let alone for almost three more years”. So up pop Nadine Dorries, who doesn’t like the idea of a Customs Union because she doesn’t understand it, Andrea Jenkyns, John “Live Long And Prosper” Redwood, and Nigel “Thirsty” Farage to whine a bit more.
Well, guess what, moaning MPs and MEPs? I have news for you all - yes, you four, as well as Jacob Rees Mogg, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, Peter Bone, Philip Davies and all the other professional whiners. There is a solution to your problem.
It’s a very simple solution. You don’t like what is happening in Brussels - you do better. You all know more than anyone else - well, in your dreams, perhaps - so go right ahead and show us all how you’d square the Irish Border circle, avoid the M20 car park, save the economy from tanking, and keep all those decently paid jobs in the UK.
Go on, Nige, Nads, Bozza, DD, Moggster and your press pals. You’re all so sodding clever, you fix it. And without screwing over the country even more.
Oh look, it’s gone quiet. Anyone might conclude they’re all wind and piss.
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