Toby Young Is Leaving The Building

The one sensible thing that the loathsome Toby Young has done recently is to keep his head down and his mouth mainly shut: after all, most of the stupidity in which he indulges is self-inflicted, from the whole raft of Twitter abuse, through the self-pitying recollection of his stag bash that wasn’t really, to his throwing his rattle out of the pram at the presence of a Labour MP at Loftus Road recently. But Tobes cannot remain sensible for long.

So it was that his latest missive for the unfortunate readers of the increasingly downmarket and hard-right Spectator magazine brought an unabashed shaking off of the brief sensible interlude in favour of a return to idiocy, as Tobes proclaimed “If Corbyn wins, emigrating to Israel is my clear escape route”. His research does not appear to have extended to whether or not the Israelis will let him in.

The language used by expat.com tries to break it to people gently: “The State of Israel was created in order to establish a Jewish homeland, and while everything is made to facilitate the immigration of overseas Jews to Israel, non-Jews may find it more difficult to obtain a permanent residence permit … Non-Jews obtaining permanent residency in Israel remain somewhat rare, and permits are granted on a case by case basis”.

Is there no hope for Tobes? “Non-Jews without family bonds in Israel can stay in the country longer than 3 months provided they find an Israeli employer and obtain a work visa”. So maybe not: who in Israel would want to waste their time employing someone whose most memorable nickname is Captain Bellend?

Patrick Strudwick of BuzzFeed wasn’t waiting to find out. “Toby Young says he will move to Israel if Corbyn wins the next election. If this doesn’t mobilise the electorate then I don’t know what will”. There was, though, as Jasna Badzak pointed out, that problem as to Tobes’ suitability as a potential Israeli citizen: “Who says Israel would take him?!?”

Other Tweeters were equally sceptical: “Toby Young says if Corbyn wins the next election he'll emigrate to Israel. Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out Toby boy”. And another felt duty bound to point out “The disgraced Toby Young -If #Corbyn wins, emigrating to Israel is my clear escape route”. Disgraced. Indeed.

Labour MP Barry Sheerman was also unconvinced as to Tobes’ eligibility. “Are you sure anyone wants you Toby?” And on it went. “No shortage of volunteers to drive you to the airport” was one (correct) response. “I will help you pack” was another. One asked why he had to wait for a General Election: “Aw Toby dont feel like you need to wait for that. Bye”.

The prospect of Tobes piling off brought genuine enthusiasm: “Excellent double bonus on offer. If/when Corbyn becomes PM not only will we get social justice in this country but Toby Young is gonna leave. Result … Best reason so far for me to vote Labour”.

And one Tweeter had to mention what caused Tobes so much trouble recently: “Can u buy titty mags in Israel? And is there a vibrant eugenics scene?” Come to think of it, what lost Tobes that job the other month may still count against him if he tries to emigrate anywhere that has the border controls he demands. So he won’t be going anywhere.

Which is a real pity. Because there’s always room for one less Bellend.