One has to hand it to those who pay good money to read the Daily Mail: to believe some of the propaganda served up to them requires a suspension of disbelief, together with an ignorance of the real world, a combination without parallel. Small wonder that right-leaning politicians are so in awe of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre: the brass neck is at times breathtaking. But one can polish a turd only so far.
What's so f***ing wrong with kicking the c***s at the f***ing BBC, c***?!?!?
That thought was not allowed to enter, though, as gloomy pundit Stephen “Miserable Git” Glover received his instructions from the Vagina Monologue and brought forth “I say this in sadness, but unless the BBC gets its act together it may not be here in 15 years”.
Whatever does he mean? “Can the BBC survive as a national institution commanding widespread respect? And in an age of media behemoths such as Netflix, will the relatively small Corporation become irrelevant? These are questions which anyone who feels affection for the BBC, as I do despite everything, is bound to ask. To say Auntie has an existential crisis is no exaggeration”. And what is causing that crisis?
As if anyone needs to ask. “One gigantic problem - which I don't apologise for mentioning again - is political bias. It is getting worse, almost certainly because of the divisions over Brexit, to which most BBC journalists are viscerally opposed … The Corporation has long been left-of-centre”. Yeah, right. Anything looks left of centre to the Mail.
Besides, how does he stand that one up? “There have been three very recent examples of the BBC displaying blatant bias. The first came after The Sun newspaper discovered that the young Jeremy Corbyn met a Czech spy on at least three occasions in the Eighties when the Cold War was at its height”. Oh, f*** off. Just f*** off. A single sourced story told by a proven liar and fantasist. If the Canary had done it, it would have been Fake News.
The second of the three Mail strikes? “A similar combination of fear and covert support surely explains the Corporation's indulgent treatment of Jeremy Corbyn after his change of mind about the customs union - which he previously strongly opposed - earlier this week”. So indulgent, he was grilled extensively by Laura Kuenssberg. Next.
Is the third any more convincing? Sadly not: “The third example of bias came yesterday after the Mail revealed how Max Mosley supported the revoltingly racist far-Right in the early Sixties”. Supported his father’s party. The father who the Daily Mail eulogised in its obituary as recently as 1980. Mosley has renounced those views. The Mail never did formally renounce the far right and say sorry, did it?
But the most jaw-droppingly shameless thing about this story is the Mail calling “You’ve only got 15 years left” on any other media player. Why so? Well, in January last year, the Mail was selling 1.491 million copies a day. But that included 66,000 “bulks” - in other words, giveaways. By November last year, that figure had fallen to 1.384 million.
Do the math, as they say. The Daily Mail, at its current rate of decline, will run out of readers willing to pay for the print edition before that 15 years is up - well before. And it will cease to become economically viable some time before that.
That’s why the Mail is the Titanic calling on the iceberg. And we know how that ended.