The Disintegration Of Dennis Rice

[Updates, two so far, at end of post]

It has been sad to see a former Mail On Sunday hack fall apart very publicly these past 48 hours. Dennis Rice, who styles himself Tabloid Troll – and still professes anonymity – has fallen apart in a welter of abuse, projection and obsession as he has sunk from gutter into sewer in his attempt to smear me with a malicious and defamatory accusation that I had mocked someone’s cancer condition.

So Dennis Rice looks to be anonymous ...

Anyone who has read this blog will know the effort I put in to go after Rice’s former colleagues who on a daily basis demonise the sick and disabled. The propensity of those who scrabble around the dunghill that is Grubstreet to pretend that anyone with a disability is somehow either shamming or scrounging, or that incapacity is just laziness, gets very short shrift on Zelo Street.

But I will address Rice’s accusation directly: Nigel Pauley, showbiz correspondent at the Daily Star, commented on a photo which Rice asserted was of me that “I’d be in denial if I looked like that” and eagerly joined in with Rice’s assertion that I must be an only child by saying “they broke the mould”. Both of them gladly mocked someone for their perceived appearance, and without asking about their wellbeing.

So I turned it round on to Pauley, but there was no mocking of his condition. He and Rice had gleefully slung a bucket load of mud over the fence, and then when it got sent back, both howled long and loud. As it happens, I hope that Nigel Pauley gets back to his desk at the Daily Star, and before Richard “Dirty” Desmond’s hatchet men come round with another round of cuts. Long may he hack.

But Dennis Rice’s preposterous suggestion that I amend or pull the blogpost is going precisely nowhere. And his jaw-dropping “offer” this morning to trade off a deletion for a malicious and defamatory Storify he ran earlier is not credible – not after he spent much of yesterday evening trying to stir up support for his assertion that I was a “Vile Troll”. He can take that one and shove it.

And he should desist from trying to play the “photo theft” card: he used that photo which he claims to be of me without asking the copyright holder, or the photographer, first. There will be no climbing down from this blog at the behest of Dennis Rice. And, as he has been obsessively trawling the web and publishing photographs, stories and addresses, he cannot object when it happens to him.

So we're now looking for that photo of Dennis Rice. He doesn’t want it to be published. He has inferred that he would use physical violence against anyone who publishes it. He claims that he’s some kind of special case, because if his identity were revealed, it would put his life in danger. While publishing someone else’s photo and stirring up a hate campaign against them is of course fine.

Rice is a liar, a bully and a hypocrite. And he is reaping what he himself has sown.

[UPDATE1 1435 hours: I was sent an image which was claimed to be of Dennis Rice, which was included in the first version of this post. It was not, but was in fact of the late Rupert Hamer,  and as soon as I was alerted to the fact, it was removed immediately.

My apologies to the Hamer family and to any of his friends and colleagues who may have looked in. Unlike Dennis Rice, this blog is not in the business of peddling malice]

[UPDATE2 1740 hours: Dennis Rice has now threatened that the Army will be coming round to see me. Anyone think that even he would not make such a ridiculous suggestion? Think again.

There you have it - the threats continue. He threatened Rich Peppiatt, then he did the same to Tim Ireland, and that is not the first he's made against me. But, happily, Rice has also had a rare moment of candour, as can be seen here.

Quite apart from the malicious and wrong assertion of where the photo of Nigel Pauley came from, Rice states that I am "asking for a pic of TT (Tabloid Troll)". I have not made such a request: I've asked for a photo of Rice (twice). So Rice is now admitting that he is Tabloid Troll, despite all the denials, threats and abuse. I thank him for his honesty, and hope all who need to see that admission will have done so]

Euro Crisis – What Euro Crisis?

“We say that the euro is irreversible. So unfounded fears of reversibility are just what they are – unfounded fears”. The words yesterday of Mario Draghi, president of the European Central Bank (ECB) as he unveiled plans to buy up bonds from Eurozone countries in order to get borrowing costs – the single biggest problem facing countries on that zone’s southern periphery – to fall.

In taking this action, Draghi has effectively done something that this blog has said for many months now is inevitable and unavoidable for the Eurozone: he has made the ECB the lender of last resort. Any significant currency must have such a body standing behind it, as the Bank Of England does with Sterling and the Federal Reserve does with the US Dollar.

Indeed, it was the experience of the USA following the Civil War, with bank runs and financial crises occurring with ever greater force, that made the setting up of the Fed an inevitability. And, although the Fed couldn’t stop The Great Crash and its aftermath, it has done pretty well since. And Sterling has survived all manner of crises over the centuries by having the Bank Of England behind it.

But, and with the ever evolving history of the EU and Eurozone there has to be a but, the actions outlined by Draghi yesterday do not in themselves conclude matters. As this blog has also pointed out many times, there are two other strands to ensuring the stability and continuity of the single currency, one of which is the acceptance that there will have to be further restructuring.

That means Spain – including some of its autonomous regions, notably Catalonia and Valencia – as well as Italy having to seek assistance. But the process will have been made easier if borrowing costs are lower. You can’t all have the same currency and then have countries like Germany borrowing at a rate several points lower than that demanded of Spain and Portugal.

And the third strand is that there needs to be more of a Eurozone wide regional policy. The UK Government has for decades given tax breaks to less well off areas and otherwise encouraged businesses to set up there – as well as sending parts of that Government out of London to those regions. Yes, there is some effort in this direction at present. But it’s not nearly enough.

For starters, there is little use expecting Greece to recover with any speed if the country does not have the means to generate the necessary economic activity, for instance through exports. It needs more than tourism and shipping. Spain, Italy and Portugal have significant engineering and technical capacity to generate that activity. Time will tell if the EU is prepared to take the necessary action.

But Draghi made a very welcome first step yesterday. Let’s have more, and soon.

Stanley’s Convention Steamer

This week, the US Convention show moves to Charlotte, NC, where the Democrats are enjoying a rather more ordered and happy time than the Republicans’ effort last week in Tampa, FL. Barack Obama has been nominated unopposed as the Party’s candidate for President (not always the case with a sitting President, as Jimmy Carter found out in 1980) and there have been no howlers as yet.

That’s in contrast to the ruckus around the abortion issue that dogged the GOP, followed by Mitt Romney’s big night being overshadowed by Clint Eastwood’s bizarre interrogation of “Invisible Obama”. In fact, things have gone better for the Dems than hoped, with Michelle Obama’s speech in support of her husband widely praised, and Bill Clinton’s effort not hurting the Prez one little bit.

So what do the right-wing pundits tell their readers? Do they give them the bad news, that Romney and Paul Ryan look set to go down to a heavy defeat in November? Do they heck. So they do not. Typical is our old friend Tim Stanley at the Telegraph, who you can tell as he’s a doctor, who first almost praised Clinton, but only until he’d endorsed Obama, after which it was all withering criticism.

Bill was first portrayed as a moderate, who had wrested the Democratic Party from what Stanley suggests is some kind of 1980s leftism. He has clearly not heard of Franklin Roosevelt, or Lyndon Johnson. There hasn’t been a Democrat challenger as liberal as LBJ since he memorably told the world “I will not seek, nor shall I accept” back in 1968 as Gene McCarthy stood on an anti-Vietnam war platform.

And Obama certainly isn’t as liberal as LBJ. But he’s painted that way anyway by the right, not of course that it’s an alternative way of saying he’s black, oh no. Perish the thought. So Stanley ploughs on and tells readers that the Dems are as extreme as the GOP. Then he sprays his credibility up the wall by citing the late Andrew Breitbart in his defence.

The accusation against the GOP – that Ronald Reagan couldn’t win the nomination from today’s party – is then spun to suggest that Clinton couldn’t win the Dems’ nomination either. But then Bill rocks up and spends over 40 minutes telling the audience that Barack is The Man, thus showing that argument to be specious. But then Stanley brings up God. The Dems have got rid of God.

So that means they’re all lefties, and Janet Daley piles in to support her colleague, telling how central God is to the Constitution. Yes Janet, like paper money is banned by that same Constitution, and the workaround means you have to believe the Federal Reserve is not part of the Federal Government. I’d recommend reading both posts as examples of right-wing punditry trying desperately to redefine reality.

Romney is going to lose. It might be a bad defeat. You might as well get over it.

Express Priorities

Many more unfortunate souls have recently been sent down the road by the empire of Richard “Dirty” Desmond, as staff cuts were imposed on his newspapers following the less than stellar performance of his Health Lottery. But there are still papers to get out there, and websites to maintain and update. So it’s a case of getting those priorities right, and putting the resources where they’re needed.

Sadly, though, the websites don’t seem to be faring too well, as one look at the Daily Star one shows: “Sarah Used ‘Wigga Mania’ For Her Own Success Storey” reads the title of a piece about Paralympian cyclist Sarah Storey. Wigga? Perhaps it’s a little known female form of “Wiggo”. Maybe whoever was on headline duty just had a meal at Wagamama. Whatever.

Things are no better over at the Express, where a new Paralympic discipline has been invented by whoever was doing the headlines there: “Crunch Time At Muderball” it proclaims, as wheelchair rugby is introduced to the dwindling band of readers. Athletes, the piece tells, are routinely thrown from their wheelchairs by tackles. Like the one Des might inflict on whoever made that howler.

But the Express does not merely report on the Paralympics: there is the new football season to cover. And in a story about Blackburn Rovers comes another slip, reporting “Steve Kean Admits To Not Seeing Deadlineo-Day Signings”. Deadline O’Day? Who did he play for before joining Rovers? Or is he a Radio Five Live commentator? Does he have a brother called Break?

Yes, priorities, priorities indeed. And just to show where the priorities of the Desmond empire really lie, the Express has a lengthy piece by Simon Edge reviewing the all new series of Dallas. Er, what? The one about Texas and Oil and Money? Yes, that one. And Edge tells readers breathlessly that this is “the shiniest modern update of an old favourite since the revival of Doctor Who”.

Yeah, right. And anyway, why expend all these scarce resources on spinning another recycling of an old series and yet another Stateside import? Well, that might just have something to do with the all new Dallas being shown on Channel 5. Which is owned by none other than Richard “Dirty” Desmond himself. Which is also, I’m sure, mere coincidence.

Shameless cross publicity for free? We all know what that means: another Benchmark Of Excellence.

World’s Worst Columnist Still World’s Worst

The styling of Peter McKay by Private Eye as Peter McHackey and then Peter McLie, the “World’s Worst Columnist”, no doubt had its genesis in McKay being sacked by Ian Hislop, one of his first editorial decisions, along with the dismissal of Nigel Dempster (later nicknamed “Pratt-Dumpster”). But McKay has done his best to justify the title, as his latest column shows.

Wake up Peter, you've been fired

McHackey writes most of what appears under the pseudonym Ephraim Hardcastle. This is, generally, a series of short items sniping about those people and institutions that do not conform to the dictates of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre. There are many mentions of the BBC, the EU, any politician other than those approved members of the Tory Party and UKIP, and slebs who dare to criticise the Mail.

So today’s lead item, “The love affair between the EU and the Beeb remains strong”, should surprise nobody, especially as it kicks two Dacre demons at once. McKay takes one instance of someone who used to work at the BBC, and when made redundant got a job working for the EU, and concludes that this proves that the two bodies are “well disposed to each other”.

This is, not surprisingly, weapons grade bullshit. The BBC was also home to one Guto Harri, who followed his career there with a spell as spinmeister to London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, who was a Tory the last time I checked. Likewise, when Young Dave needed to replace Andy Coulson, he too looked to the Corporation, hiring Craig Oliver.

Oliver had been editor of the BBC1 early evening news. That would be the kind of programme whined about ad infinitum, and indeed ad nauseam, by Dacre and his obedient underlings – and by the Tories. McHackey gets two things wrong – first, by his logic, the Tory Party and the BBC must be very well disposed to each other, and media people going from one media job to another doesn’t mean the organisations concerned are like minded. It’s a skills transfer thing.

And if that isn’t sufficient idiocy, McKay signs off by sneering at Tom Stoppard, who recently adapted Ford Madox Ford’s series of novels Parade’s End for the hated BBC. This is held to have had a “lukewarm reception”. Parade’s End has been almost rapturously received, the plaudits coming not least for Stoppard’s adaptation. Christ on a bike, McKay can’t even put the boot in without inserting it in his mouth.

He still is the World’s Worst Columnist.

Ryanair Both Right And Wrong

It is hard to claim the high ground in an argument and then spray it up the wall in a demonstration of customer disservice, but Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair, the Millwall of air travel (everybody hates us and we don’t care) is the uncrowned king of the unsubtle. And if he has to interject the odd expletive, well, he’s the boss, and what’s anyone going to do about it?

Playa Levante, Benidorm

As reported by the Super Soaraway Currant Bun, a Ryanair customer called Suzy McLeod had to have the boarding passes for her party’s return flight from Alicante to the UK printed out at the airport. This incurred one of Ryanair’s eye-watering excess charges, and at €60 a throw, she ended up having to pay an extra €300 for the privilege (that’s £237.68 at today’s exchange rate).

Yes, the charge is priced to rake in a bit of handy incremental revenue for O’Leary and his mob. But Ms McLeod effectively signed off on the Terms and Conditions that include that charge when she made her booking. So, whether it’s fair or not, Ryanair is entitled to charge it. And from my own experience at the same destination, the excuse that there was nowhere to print the passes off beforehand is baloney.

Because, although I don’t often fly with Ryanair (in fact, not at all if I can find a decent alternative), I too have had to print out a boarding pass for a return flight from Alicante, this being down to BMIBaby, the low cost subsidiary of BMI which makes its last flight next Sunday. I complied with the requirement by finding an internet cafe around five minutes’ walk from my hotel. Job Done.

And I’m sure that Ms McLeod could have done the same, wherever in the region she was staying. But I’m also sure that Michael O’Leary didn’t need to tell his customers who didn’t print their passes off to “bugger off”, and he certainly didn’t need to respond to Ms McLeod’s request for compensation by telling her that it was “her f*** up”. That’s bang out of order.

It’s almost as if Michael O’Leary goes out of his way to be as offensive as possible to any customer who has the temerity to object to, shall we say, the Ryanair experience. Perhaps he wants to make this hostility part of his company’s USP. But all it does is drive potential business to look at his offering after trying the competition first. And there’s still plenty of that, even with BMIBaby bowing out.

And had it not been for BMIBaby, O’Leary wouldn’t have been gifted his boarding pass printout wheeze. Nor would EasyJet have got the idea of allocated seating, which enables some seats to attract a premium and thus generate more of that incremental income (the subject of one of this blog’s first posts). They’ll both be happy to see the carrier close its doors, but didn’t mind nicking its ideas.

As for Suzy McLeod, she’ll check the T&Cs next time, whoever she flies with.

All Crossed Up And Going Nowhere

[Update at end of post]

There is religious news today that may surprise some: a story about wearing the cross in the workplace, and it’s not headline news in the God-fearing Maily Telegraph. Why that might be is all to do with the readers’ dwindling appetite for being told that Christianity is somehow under siege from the EU, the BBC, “elf’n’safety”, and anyone to the left of Genghis Khan.

St Paul's Cathedral, London

Only the supposed flagship of the Desmond empire, the Express, has splashed on the story, which surrounds the efforts of four Christians to persuade the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) that they should have a right to wear a cross at work. The court has not given its judgment, but the why-oh-why brigade has loosed off anyway, mainly because of the UK Government’s apparent stance.

Lawyers representing the Government suggested that those not allowed to prominently wear the cross could always “consider their position”, which is none too subtle code for “resign and go somewhere that tolerates the practice”. It was also asserted that Christians could do what they liked away from work, and that the Bible does not mandate wearing of the cross.

What was not said, of course, was that there is no actual right to wear the cross at work, especially if an employer’s dress code means that such wearing is not possible. One of those Christians worked in the NHS, where any kind of jewellery or other neckwear that dangles from the neck is banned, and after a few night shifts in A&E it should be pretty obvious why.

All of that cuts no ice with the Express, which wheels out Andrea Williams of Christian Concern and even someone from “Premier Christian Radio” (you never heard of it? Neither did I). Oh, and George Carey, who seems unable to gather all the facts before concluding that Christianity is indeed under attack (Carey even believed the Mail’s cod “BBC Turns Its Back On Year Of Our Lord” story).

The Telegraph piece, reported by Bruno Waterfield, instead gives a libertarian angle by getting a quote from Tory MP David Davis (which is rather more credible than the Christian pressure groups). But Davis does not address the fact that employers can, and do, impose dress codes on their workers. The Mail uses the story as a way to kick Young Dave for saying one thing and doing another.

But the lessening of interest over time – apart from at the Express, where anything that fills the front page and yields a half-decent headline at little cost goes – suggests an uncomfortable reality for Christians: few people think they are really suffering discrimination, and fewer still think the law should be changed for their benefit, especially when Government has so many other challenges to meet.

This campaign is running out of road. Get over it, Christian groups.

[UPDATE 10 September 1145 hours: to no surprise at all, the issue has now passed before the examination of Dan, Dan the Oratory Man. Hannan has raised the spectre of "foreign judges", which is interesting for someone who claims to "love Europe". He does not understand what "mandatory scriptural requirement" means in the context of wearing a cross.

Perhaps he should read the New Testament, which is freely available in both south-east England (his constituency) and Brussels (where he works). Hannan also talks of work uniforms "that can accommodate religious insignia" but misses the point both about the BA worker, who had worn the cross under her uniform for years without problem, and the requirements of the NHS not to allow staff to wear anything that patients can grab hold of.

Instead of addressing the issues, Hannan as ever turns this into an excuse to kick the ECHR and lawyers generally. Perhaps he once applied to law school and they turned him down. Could have been a very wise decision]

Daily Star Meets Wallace And Gromit

[Update at end of post]

Among those who scrabble around the dunghill that is Grubstreet, there are some particularly unsavoury characters, for whom integrity, honesty and principles are readily traded for cowardice and falsehood. And there are few hacks less savoury than one Nigel Pauley, showbiz correspondent of the downmarket Desmond rag the Daily Star, who has appeared on the Zelo Street radar this week.

The acme of quality journalism

Pauley, who was described to me with some feeling as “a nasty little man” by someone who has observed him in his natural habitat, is at present on long term sick leave from his post. He has set great store by protesting vehemently that I should not pass adverse comment on him, as he is recovering from “a life saving operation”. But, typically, he is not averse to putting the boot in himself.

And so it came to pass that Pauley decided to join washed up former Mail hack Dennis Rice, who still pretends anonymity as Tabloid Troll, in the latter’s obsessive (and laughably fruitless) attack on this blog, and – demonstrating the level of desperation – on me personally. Pauley’s first effort was to assert that Crewe was in the Potteries. Well, it’s all out of Landan, innit?

From there, he and Rice could only go downhill, and presently the Twitter conversation hinged on the intellectually uplifting subject of facial appearance (future chats will no doubt tell how both have had lots more shags than I ever will). Pauley commented, on a photo which Rice claimed was of me, “I’d be in denial if I looked like that”. So Nige is a veritable male Adonis, is he?

Daily Star hack

Plasticene dummy

Well, no he isn’t: Pauley could easily stand in for the lead in a Wallace and Gromit film without anyone noticing, except that his ears are funnier than the plasticene one’s. And to cap it all, he’s allowed himself to he photographed dressed like he just came from having a fiddle in the back row of the local cinema (as it were). He’s all Neville Thurlbeck without the style.

And, if any helpful people out there can supply a recent photo of Dennis Rice, so he too can pass before this blog’s examination – email address, as ever, at right – that would be much appreciated. If Pauley has so little room to talk, one senses that his pal may be in an equally draughty glasshouse. And there’s nothing that this unprincipled shower hates more than being mocked for their utter idiocy.

Thus another involuntary trip to the cleaners by the dregs of journalism.

[UPDATE 6 September 1905 hours: Nigel Pauley and Dennis Rice took this post very badly, spending much time yesterday on Twitter passing adverse and extremely personal comment about me, which goes with the territory when one is dealing with those of low principle and yet lower brainpower. As a result, a number of defamatory assertions have been made which I will address tomorrow in a new post.

In the meantime, my apologies to the family at the mid-Cheshire address which Rice published yesterday and which has nothing whatsoever to do with me, and to all the Tim Fentons who are not me, whom Rice has also managed to involve, however tangentially. It seems the former Mail On Sunday "investigations editor" still cannot investigate his way out of a paper bag. More later]

Reshuffle – We’re Talking Deckchairs Here

So the reshuffle is done. Young Dave has supposedly refreshed his team. So what of the new or promoted faces at the cabinet table? What do they tell us about the Coalition, and indeed its credibility, as the next election draws inexorably nearer and the poll ratings remain dire, with no prospect of an Argentinian get-out clause? It’s not good for Tories who live in the real world.

Take Jeremy Hunt, for a start. Anywhere. So the one with the swivel eyed look has gone to Health. Does Rupert Murdoch have a health care company in his portfolio? Jezza’s pal has had plenty to say on the subject, especially in the USA, but nothing in the UK yet. That may change, or perhaps Hunt will soon be seen schmoozing Richard Branson. And Hunt famously called the NHS “a 60 year old mistake”.

Then there’s Chris Grayling on his way to being Justice Secretary. He isn’t a lawyer. His first degree is in History and much of his career before politics was in broadcast media. Does anyone sense an impending car crash here? You need some substance to underpin the spin. Otherwise you’re fer ... fer ... fer ... fer... finished.

And get this: Michael “Oiky” Gove and Iain Duncan Cough stay in post because Cameron wants these “strong reformers” to carry on their work. Yeah, right. Gove has spun and gobbed off at length but has actually done nothing (yet). And IDS’s reign at the DWP has been marked by shedloads of dodgy statistics.

Owen Paterson becomes the Environment Secretary. Who he? Another who read history, Paterson actually has sound business experience. But what’s this, for a Government that was going to be the “greenest ever”? Anti wind farm and solar power, pro aviation expansion, pro shale gas expansion, and his brother in law is climate sceptic Matt Ridley. Harry says marvellous.

But the icing on the cake just has to be Grant Shapps being made Tory Party chairman. Shapps’ dishonesty about his Twitter followings and unfollowings is only the start, as the serially tenacious Tim Ireland at Bloggerheads has revealed today: Shapps has been operating a whole platoon of sock puppets, from Michael Green to Chuck Champion (I kid you not).

That is on top of the further revelations in the Guardian at the weekend about Shapps’ less than ethical money-spinning wheezes. And, whisper it quietly, there is at least one further Shapps fun story to come. This reshuffle will thrill some on the right, but the propensity for gaffes and straightforward stupidity has been massively increased. This will bring one beneficiary, and that isn’t the Tories.

Right now, Mil The Younger, “Auguste” Balls, and the rest of the Labour front bench are arranging a celebration of the day when Cameron and his party lost the plot.

Boris Only Listening To Himself

So Young Dave has completed most of his reshuffle, and a sorry sight much of it is: Chris Grayling has actually been promoted, and is now Justice Secretary. Jeremy Hunt has not only remained in the cabinet but has been made Health Secretary. Grant Shapps, answering the pleas of Coalition critics everywhere, has been made Tory Party chairman. And Justine Greening has left Transport.

However, and with reshuffles there is inevitably a however, Ms Greening, who has taken over as International Development Secretary, is still a cabinet minister. Should that be significant? Well, if the subsequent outburst by London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is anything to go by, it is most significant, and shows that Bozza still holds a candle for his pet airport project.

“There can be only one reason to move her - and that is to expand Heathrow Airport. It is simply mad to build a new runway in the middle of west London. Nearly a third of the victims of aircraft noise in the whole of Europe live in the vicinity of Heathrow. Now it is clear that the government wants to ditch its promises and send yet more planes over central London. The third runway would mean more traffic, more noise, more pollution - and a serious reduction in the quality of life for hundreds of thousands of people. We will fight this all the way” said Bozza, in an interview with Sky News (“first for breaking wind”).

Going once more into Jon Stewart mode, two things here. One, Ms Greening effectively threatened to leave the cabinet if a Heathrow expansion went ahead. So moving her sideways does not remove that threat.

And second, Heathrow is not, as anyone who looks in on Zelo Street will know, the only alternative to Boris Island for airport capacity in the south-east. There has been no word yet on the future of nearby RAF Northolt, but the main event could hinge on developments surrounding the story from last weekend.

This, as I posted yesterday, first emerged in the Independent On Sunday, and suggested that a consortium was looking at locations in Oxfordshire and Berkshire – not Buckinghamshire, where the Roskill Commission recommended a new airport over 40 years ago – for a new hub airport. As I pointed out, this could easily mean that a former airbase site could be involved.

Why so? Well, there aren’t any recently abandoned such sites in Buckinghamshire, but there are in the other two counties. That development would take all the aircraft noise away from west London, just as Bozza wants. So what’s the problem? Simples. It wouldn’t be Boris Island. And Bozza wants to have his airport, located where he says it should be. Hence the mardy strop.

Thus the difference between the “man of the people” image and reality. Crikey!

Mel And A Disability Howler

Sometimes the logic employed by pundits defeats any attempt to understand what on earth they are going on about. In the case of Melanie “not just Barking but halfway to Upminster” Phillips, her latest rant has defeated herself. Mel is trying to justify cuts in disabled benefits while simultaneously praising the achievements of Paralympic athletes. The result is not a pretty sight.

The voice of knowledge and tolerance, or maybe not

As with so many of her columns, Mel starts off straight and level, praising the competitors, although her observation that “Most of us never realised that disabled people could be capable of such astounding physical achievements” suggests that she was elsewhere when the preceding competitions in Sydney, Athens and Beijing were under way.

But then, also as with so many other Mad Mel pieces, angry Mel appears and the frothing starts: “what the Paralympics have exposed is the lazy equation of disability with incapacity”. Wrong. What this article has exposed is Melanie Phillips’ lazy equation of disability with incapacity. Because she then starts banging on about disability benefit, which is not about “welfare dependency”.

What is at present called Disability Living Allowance (DLA) is not paid to keep its recipients out of work, as Mel implies. Many of those receiving the allowance are unable to work, but many more depend on the allowance precisely in order to allow them to work – to have access to a Motability car to get to and from their workplace, for instance – and not be left out of society.

Had Mel looked in at her old paper, the now detested and reviled Guardian, she would have known this, as the subject has been revisited by their staff, with several current and former Paralympic competitors voicing their concerns. Indeed, there had already been a warning about DLA reform last May from Tanni Grey-Thompson, past winner of eleven Paralympic gold medals.

The significance of DLA was also echoed by Ade Adepitan, the Paralympic medallist who is now part of the Channel 4 presentation team. And those concerns are underscored by another six Paralympic athletes. What DLA does is not to cast anyone as a “victim”, as Mel bizarrely asserts, but gives the less able their independence, and an ability to be part of mainstream society.

It’s got stuff all to do with condemning them to a life of dependency. It helps them to be more productive, and thereby benefits not merely the recipients, but the whole of society. If only Melanie Phillips could be bothered to do some research and quit banging on about “political correctness”, she might be able to see this for herself. But instead readers are subjected to a confused and ignorant rant.

But it keeps Mel independent and part of mainstream society, so that’s all right, then.

Tabloid Troll Foot In Mouth

[Update at end of post]

One truly hates to mock the afflicted, whatever the temptation. But in the case of clueless washed-up hack Dennis Rice, who styles himself Tabloid Troll, I am about to make an exception. Why so? Well, because poor Dennis, who has already dropped an only moderately large clanger in wrongly accusing the author of the excellent Tabloid Watch blog of being an “Islamist”, has done it again.

Ooh look, a name match ...

Showing the whole world why – as if anyone needed to know – the Mail has only featured one by-line by him all year, Rice has decided that I am a supporter of the late and legendarily flatulent Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi. Furthermore, he has also decided that I am a supporter of Serbia. Wow. I never even thought about such things, yet here I am supposedly doing them. How come?

... followed by a little popular incitement ...

Well, Den has been rummaging around Facebook, as sad and useless hacks seem to like to do of an afternoon, and he has found someone called Tim Fenton. Hey, he thinks, that’s the SOB from Crewe who keeps making me look like a total idiot! I’ve got him! Wha-hey, it’s payback time! Yes, Rice couldn’t contain his excitement, but enough of his hygiene problems.

... only to have found the wrong bloke

And this Tim Fenton says in his Facebook interests “Support for Muammar al Gaddafi from the people of Serbia, Serbia’s ambassador to the world”. So Rice has taken two and two and made a number that does not equal four. Why so? Well, I hate to burst this particular bubble, but the bloke with that Facebook page is not me. I’ve no connection with Serbia – or Libya. Never have had.

Moreover, that’s before we get to the blatant wearing of a shirt without a visible volume control in a style which I don’t happen to possess. And I can think of at least two other blokes called Tim Fenton – one a consultant, the other a former BBC staffer – who are also not me. So just to save time, Den, don’t go after them on my behalf. You’ll just end up looking even more stupid.

And to think that, once upon a time, Dennis Rice was “investigations editor” for the Mail On Sunday. Investigations? This congenitally stupid fool couldn’t investigate his way out of a paper bag. But he may be advertising soon for someone to help him take his foot out of his north and south.

But make sure you get cash up front, mind. Remember, he’s only managed three by-lines at the Mail since the start of last year. And don’t laugh so loudly. It’s rude. After all, he can’t help being such an idiot.

[UPDATE 4 September 1145 hours: Dennis Rice took this post rather badly - clearly, failed hacks do not readily accede to Healey's dictum - and spent a characteristically obsessive amount of time yesterday evening on Twitter ranting and blethering at whoever was listening. One of those so inclined was Anthony Bonnici, who is apparently employed and paid good money by the Evening Standard.

Bonnici, sadly, could not be bothered to check his facts - this does seem to happen rather lot among supposedly real journalists - and asked "When was the last time he was employed by the BBC?" to which the answer is that I have never been employed by the BBC. Nor am I connected to Serbia and Libya, or a consultant formerly possessing a similar email address.

But I am someone who is demonstrating just how terminally clueless rather a lot of journalists really are]

Reshuffle Right Turn? Just A Wish List

So the much trailed Government reshuffle didn’t happen – at least not yet. This means that, in the absence of any real news, there has to be speculation and punditry to fill the vacuum. For those of a right-leaning persuasion, this means projecting their wish lists onto Young Dave, and when they don’t get what they want, making sure they remind him whenever his actual picks have a problem.

Iain Martin’s wish list includes getting rid of Sayeeda Warsi from the Tory Party chair, not that he or anyone else has anything against women, or, well, y’know, northern women who are, sort of, er, Muslims. Thought never entered their heads, guvnor. Who would he choose to replace her? Martin would seriously consider Peepel like Michael Howard. God help the Tory Party.

Binning Sayeeda Warsi would be a seriously bad move for the Tories, but then, I’d rather they get shot out of office next time round, so no problem guys – you get Dave to go ahead and sack her. Make policy at the whim of Quentin Letts, Benedict Brogan, “Lunchtime” O’Flynn, and of course the less than dynamic duo of the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his odious tame gofer Henry Cole.

And if Iain Martin leads with an idea, the Telegraph’s political staff cannot be far behind. “Deputy Political Editor” James Kirkup tells of “Tory MPs hoping for rise of the right”, and that the reshuffle could happen “as soon as tomorrow”, so managing not to notice that the deed was supposed to have been done at the weekend. So who will be getting the summons to step up?

For a paper like the Tel, normally well-informed on Tory Party matters, Kirkup is hedging surprisingly well: “a number of leading right-wing conservatives are being tipped for promotion”. Like who? Well, possibly Chris Grayling and Owen Paterson. But not definitely. Likewise, Michael Fallon and Mark Francois “could be” promoted, and Andrew Mitchell “may become” chief whip.

But anyone can see it’s a right wing wish list because it almost slavers at the prospect of getting rid of Ken Clarke. The reasons for that action are, more or less, that Ken is insufficiently anti-EU, and that, at the age of 72, he’s, well, dead old (although he still has four more years to go before reaching the age at which Winshton returned to 10 Downing Street in 1951).

Strangely, one voice talking a modicum of sense on the reshuffle business is (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries, who says the process “will create more enemies for Cameron among the overlooked. It won’t achieve much else”. This is dead right in the longer term, but then the fragrant Nadine won’t be getting that call, and I do wonder who the “Michael” is that she mentions.

No, musical chairs will not save this Government. But it keeps the hacks busy.

London’s Secret Airport

Much excitement was generated yesterday by the Independent On Sunday report that there was a “Secret plan for four-runway airport west of Heathrow”. Not only was the whole thing “secret”, but it was also backed by the Chinese, and you know what that means – somebody who speaks foreign is involved. But the splash does not go into any detail as to where west of Heathrow might be suitable.

Heathrow ... getting rather busy

And saying “west of Heathrow”, or “north west of London”, not only covers a lot of possibilities, but also includes a lot of the countryside that is already well covered by housing and industrial premises. But we know that any candidate site needs to be well placed for transport links, and must be able to provide long enough runways, preferably on a similar west-east orientation to Heathrow.

Moreover, it is suggested that any site needs to be a maximum of half an hour’s travelling time from central London, although presumably that means the relevant terminal station – as with Victoria for Gatwick, and Liverpool Street for Stansted. So we’re looking at Paddington, or maybe Marylebone. From there, finding a suitable site is not the most difficult of exercises.

Outside the half hour range, but close to rail links and motorway network, is the site of RAF Upper Heyford, in Oxfordshire. The former airbase had a runway length of no more than 8,500 feet, but if the site were to be revisited, extending would not pose significant problems. The rail connection would take trains in and out of Marylebone – or perhaps Paddington, were the direct link from Northolt to be upgraded.

Perhaps Upper Heyford is too far out of town? Well, there’s another candidate that was a former airbase, and would be rather closer to the half hour criterion, especially after the rebuilding work at Reading and electrification has been finished. A site where there was until recently an RAF station with a runway of almost 10,000 feet in length, and a name that nobody will forget in a hurry.

Yes, just south of the town of Newbury is the site of RAF Greenham Common of cruise missile fame. The base has closed and the site returned to common land, but the previous use will put it high on the list of possibles if “west of Heathrow” is the choice. A rail link is close by – the main line from London to the South West – and the M4 is not far away. This would be a prime contender.

As for those who say “no way” or “it’s parkland and can’t be used for an airfield again”, well, that depends on the determination of the Government and relevant authorities to push any scheme through. The appetite for such a grand projet does seem to be growing (to the extent that the Mail thought it worth lifting the IoS piece for its own version). You have been warned.

And that goes for anywhere else in the area that had an airbase until recently.

Grant Shapps – Don’t Do It Dave

There is, it is generally agreed, a cabinet reshuffle about to take place, and it is therefore assumed that Young Dave has made his decisions as to who should be promoted, who should remain where they are, and who should bow out as gracefully as is possible at such occasions. And there has been the occasional instance of someone jumping the gun.

Think twice before promoting this man. Then don't

Yes, despite there not having been any announcement as yet, at least one hopeful has already promoted Himself Personally Now: step forward Housing Minister Grant Shapps, who has let it be known that he will be replacing Sayeeda Warsi as chairman of the Tory Party. This has come as a surprise to many, especially those of us who are well aware of Shapps’ lack of clarity and candour.

Shapps enthusiastically backed the recent moderately batshit “report” by the increasingly wayward Policy Exchange, formerly Cameron’s favourite think tank until Tim Leunig went totally gaga and suggested that Liverpool should be closed down and all its inhabitants shipped to somewhere rather nearer London. Even a Tory PM could not stretch to that one.

He didn't do that manually

The “report” so keenly supported by Shapps suggested that, in areas where social housing is present but the average property price is higher than, well, average, the tenants should be cleared out so that the properties could be flogged off. The money thus earned would pay for more housing, but it couldn’t be located in the same area. It would mean shipping folks out to less well off areas.

That this would result in ghettoisation and place transport networks under far more strain than at present was not allowed to enter. Such is the selective costing of those who call themselves free market adherents: they are free to ignore parts of that market in order to get the result they want. But the main reason Cameron would do well not to appoint Shapps is rather more basic.

And that involves his deceit and dishonesty over his use of Twitter. Shapps has had it put to him that he uses some kind of automatic process to follow large numbers of accounts in order to get them to follow him back, then unfollowing yet larger numbers to keep the number of accounts followed fairly constant, while seeing his following steadily grow through the 50,000 mark.

Shapps claims he makes those decisions individually. So perhaps he can explain how he followed, between August 27 and 30, an additional 217, 704 and 176 accounts, and then over the next three days unfollowed 679, 629 and 223 accounts, while holding down his job and additionally briefing parts of the media about the promotion that was to be bestowed on Himself Personally Now.

If he can’t come clean on Twitter, what else might there be? Caveat Emptor, Dave!

Green Energy Stole My House

The climate change denial lobby have, without much fanfare, opened up a new front in their efforts to rubbish the concept of renewable energy. Quite apart from the well worn objection that holds, more or less, that anything called “renewable” isn’t reliable, doesn’t generate much power, and is otherwise rubbish, has come the proposition that it also equals property theft.

Del Boy being sympathetically interviewed by FNC

This idea has been advanced, with characteristic lack of subtlety, by James “saviour of Western civilisation” Delingpole in the latest Telegraph blogs example of his intellectually superior combination of abuse, fact free assertion, and citing only sources reliable enough to come from within the jerking circle where everybody is reliably conservative and thinks he is very wonderful.

“David Cameron, renewable energy and the death of British property rights” reads the serious looking headline, which tells readers that Young Dave is somehow coming for your houses because of anything called renewable. But Del Boy’s logic depends, mainly, on believing his loudly proclaimed assertions and not pausing to ask too many inconvenient questions.

Behold, a wasteland (or perhaps a very large retail park)

For starters, he claims that wind turbines anywhere near property at least lowers its value, and on occasion has made properties impossible to sell. To take issue with Del on this one makes anyone so inclined a “vexatious twerp”. D’you know, that sounds fine – until you think for a moment. What’s noisier, a wind farm two or three miles away, a motorway, overflying aircraft, or lots of potentially noisy neighbours?

Living in a built up area – like the kind of town or city that 90% plus of the population does – the wind farm wouldn’t make a difference. And would it be worse than living close to motorway, railway or airport? Seriously? And would anyone put forward the argument that because there was one or more of these nearby, someone was involved in the theft of your property rights?

That’s arguing against ever building anything anywhere remotely near any existing settlement forever. But at least Delingpole is consistent, as he carries on the argument to demonise hydro power on the grounds that it may affect a stretch of the River Trent where an angling club bought a nearby stretch of fishing rights, which they have enjoyed for all of 30 years.

What power will these hydro schemes generate? We aren’t told, except that Del says it’s “next to [none]”, that renewables are a “scam”, that those involved are “rent seeking scuzzballs”, and that the whole thing is a “taxpayer subsidised boondoggle”. There never are any detailed analyses from Del Boy, are there? Nor is there the first thought that all the sneering and abuse may not be a particularly fruitful USP.

But it will enable that jerking circle to keep smiling, so that’s all right, then.

Glenda Deaf To Reality

Of the pundits enjoying the Paralympic Games, none is more unexpected than the Mail’s most credibility free Glenda: yes, even Liz Jones has something to say about the event. She attempts to be truly earnest in her endeavour. But, as ever, the article ends up being not about sport, or about overcoming adversity, or national pride, but about Herself Personally Now.

What do you think of it so far?

“I’m profoundly deaf. So why can’t I be in the Paralympics?” she protests in the headline. Well, at a guess, it might have something to do with you not doing any training, not entering any events, not registering your interest with the relevant authorities, and otherwise spending all your time looking after your farm and menagerie and writing drivel for the Mail. Just a thought.

But Ms Jones empathises with all those less than totally able people, right? Well, I wouldn’t be too sure: “When my mum came to stay with me in London, I complained loudly about the track marks  on my wooden floor from her wheelchair. It was a shame she was not also deaf, then she would have been unable to hear my moaning about the damage, or the special equipment needed in my designer bathroom”.

No, I’ve not been selectively editing her remarks. That’s what she wrote. And note that, despite the protestations of deafness, she is aware that she is complaining loudly. She might also be aware that she protests rather too much about folks like David Beckham being made “Paralympic ambassadors”, because he’s not disabled, which means she should take precedence because she’s a bit more disabled.

And I’m not sure that being unable to hear the upper register of the aural spectrum, which Ms Jones claims affects her, equals “profound deafness”. Nor am I convinced by her assertion that “there are no hearing-impaired athletes at these games”. There were three members of the USA Olympic team who have impaired hearing. Yes, members of the regular Olympic team.

Because that’s what Liz Jones has totally wrong: hearing impairment is not the same as bodily impairment. Those with loss of hearing can still run, jump, throw, swim, dive, row and ride. So why should they be part of the Paralympics, unless they also share the kind of physical impairment that would quality them? If they are able to compete with the best, then they would enter the Olympics. End of story.

No, what Liz Jones has done – yet again – is to take a condition affecting Herself Personally Now, fail to do any research or otherwise engage brain before scribbling, and conclude that the world is the wrong shape. It’s just another example of her parading and projecting her innate selfishness. And, although her columns are all about her, the real world is not.

So that’s another Glenda who needs to do her homework and get a life.

Top Six – September 2

So what’s hot, and what’s not, in the past week’s blogging? Here are the six most popular posts on Zelo Street for the past seven days, counting down in reverse order, because, well, I’ve got to go out later to do photo stuff. So there.

6 Leveson Is Served (19) Anyone wondering why the Sun published those fuzzy photos of a naked Prince Harry found out as news leaked out that Lord Justice Leveson had “thrown the kitchen sink” at the newspaper industry.

5 Kavanagh, Kavanagh, You’re A Clown The Sun’s veteran pundit trotted out his excuses for publishing the Harry photos, but managed not to let his readers know that his paper had blatantly broken the PCC code.

4 Owen Jones Foxed At Five The way that the obedient pundits at Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse) go after anyone who appears to be insufficiently pro-USA was highlighted as The Five (the show that replaced Glenn Beck) went off the end of the pier over an Indy piece from Owen Jones.

3 Equivocation Of The Wolfman During a Twitter exchange with me, former Murdoch and Mirror servant Neil “Wolfman” Wallis did not deny that he had played the appalling Piers “Morgan” Moron voicemail messages.

2 Donald Trump – Twitter Idiocy At Its Finest This man was serious about running for the US Presidency. He is alleged to be a great businessman. He also gives the impression of being utterly and completely batshit, and only mildly delusional.

1 Guido Fawked – Strauss Not Waltzing Into Corby The perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his odious tame gofer, the flannelled fool Henry Cole, decided to invent a rumour that the former England cricket captain would be selected as Tory candidate for the upcoming by-election in the seat vacated by Louise Mensch. Some real journalists were briefly taken in. But in reality it was just the Laurel and Hardy of the blogosphere playing fantasy politics. Another fine mess, once again.

And that’s the end of another blogtastic week, blog pickers. Not ‘arf!

Hefferlump On Autopilot

The Coalition, it has been concluded by Simon “Enoch was right” Heffer, is not fit for purpose. This is primarily because it does not accord with the conclusions from his own uniquely superior insights into what is needed to make Britain suitably great once again. But his bluster does not survive the merest examination, such is his tendency to throw together articles in true Phil Space style.

Anonymous Ranter addresses Ranters Anonymous

“Forget focus groups. They should listen to the wealth creators who know how to get Britain working” reads the headline, and here the Hefferlump goes wrong even before the body of the piece. His “wealth creators” include a backbench Tory MP who also sits on the boards of a number or companies, someone who has sat on the boards of Tesco and Asda, and the current head of an employers’ lobby group.

Perhaps Heffer can clarify what makes these august gents “wealth creators”. Sitting on company boards may help to give an enterprise direction, but the ones who really generate the wealth are all those who actually do the work (and whose pension funds invest in such companies, also helping to generate wealth). So perhaps The Great Man would care to solicit their views?

Well, no he wouldn’t: the only way they would feature would be by being included in focus groups, and Heffer is dead set against these. And he’s also set against what he calls “green taxes”, because the Chinese don’t have any. Perhaps China finances all those new wind farms with magic money. The Hefferlump doesn’t pause to consider this, because he wants to talk representation.

“When a government — or a whole political class — simply indulges the prejudices of groups of unrepresentative people (on policies such as taxes and airport expansion), it stops thinking for itself and fails to govern properly. With notable ministerial exceptions, this has happened to the Coalition” he moans. So his three are more representative than the voters who returned hundreds of MPs?

And what are these “notable ministerial exceptions”? As if you need to ask. “Education Secretary Michael Gove has sought to ... raise standards by introducing tougher examinations”. He hasn’t introduced any examinations, Simon. “Iain Duncan Smith ... has brought a radical and well-informed approach to welfare reform”. Ho yus. Picking on the disabled and fiddling your statistics is “radical”, is it?

Then he goes totally gaga and digs up the “Euro doomed” canard, and suggests that Britain might even get consulted if the Israelis decide to have a pop at Iran. So our response to such events would require “leadership”. Yeah, right. If the Hefferlump is so damn sure of his righteousness, one has to wonder why he has not offered his services by standing for office, such is his clearly impeccable vision.

Or perhaps not even his pals at UKIP were daft enough to take him seriously.

Donald Trump – Twitter Idiocy At Its Finest

A new comedy genre is sweeping the US Twittersphere, garnering over 1.4 million followers to hang on the words of the master of the hairspray and combover combination. I give you Donald J Trump, so, er, take him away. Please.

Tragedy at the Empire State Building! So Donald wants someone to go the chair. Er, the only shooters alive right now are the NYPD.

China is stealing from the US? Er, no Don, it’s buying lots of your debt. Bugger all point getting radged about someone who’s keeping you afloat.

They left Iraq and Libya without the oil? What was that about stealing?

How do they get away with high oil prices? You’re a businessman and you haven’t got a handle on that thing called economics?

What would Mitt Romney do differently with China? You stupid enough to think he would invade them? You haven’t heard of armies that fire back?

Barack Obama is going to destroy Medicare? Er, hello, Donald! Wake up and read that nice Mr Ryan’s budget proposals.

The Florida Governor is “managing” hurricane Isaac? How’s he do that, then? Does he wave a magic wand at it and shoo it away?

Take the “offensive” (you certainly are) on the birther issue? What did happen to all that “evidence” you were going to show the world?

A thousand people honoured you as “Statesman of the year”? That just goes to show that in a country of 300 million, you can find 1,000 gullible and stupid ones.

Yeah, how many bald eagles did wind turbines kill today? You think they’re as stupid as those 1,000 who paid good money to honour you? Whatever.

Don, as a serious source of business and political intelligence, you’re fired. But as a new source of comedy gold – you’ll do very nicely. On Twitter idiocy alone, you’re hired. Can’t promise you’ll get paid, mind.