And so it came to pass that at Gammon Broadcasting™ News (“Bacon’s News Channel”), mercenary hack Isabel Oakeshott, one of their latest and indeed most desperate signings, used the broadcast platform awarded her to tell the proles that Christmas being cancelled really was A Very Good Thing, and they should not complain about it.
This is the kind of sentiment that is rather easier to dispense for those with an ample amount of disposable income and a seriously rich partner: Ms Oakeshott’s other half is Richard “he’s not very nice” Tice, formerly Gauleiter to Brexit Party Oberscheissenführer Nigel “Thirsty” Farage, who is, surprise, surprise, already ensconced at GB News.
Ms Oakeshott set out the supply chain issues facing the UK: farmers having to slaughter pigs on their farms (which would then go to waste), a shortage of turkeys in the run-up to Christmas, and on top of that, shortages of toys and electrical goods. These were all things that might concern ordinary people, but not rich folks like her.
And then came the finger-wagging admonishment: “These predictions of a nightmare Christmas. Really? First of all, I do think if your Christmas joy depends on getting a particular type of turkey for lunch, or the latest must-have toy for little Johnny, I would suggest you need to take a long hard look, and really have a think about what Christmas is all about. But don’t worry, I’m not about to deliver you a religious sermon”.
Not much you’re not. After more than a year and a half of the Covid-19 pandemic, and the accompanying restrictions - not all of which Ms Oakeshott obeyed - families being able to sit down to a Christmas meal with “a particular type of turkey” - like one containing turkey - and open presents together is the least they could expect after all the recent misery.
The kinds of things that rich people like Ms Oakeshott take for granted: for her, the world is excellent. She will suffer neither turkey shortages, nor toy outages, nor absence of ample cashflow. She exists in a superior universe: as Louise Raw, who you can tell as she’s a doctor, reminded us, these were “Moral lessons on the true spirit of Christmas from a woman whose priority when the pandemic first hit was shaming her kids’ school”.
As Tom Peck the added, having seen Ms Oakeshott lecturing the proles on knowing their place, “Remember: when you voted for Brexit, you voted *very clearly* to reject the idea that Christmas is about a nice Turkey and buying your children the toy they want … And there, my friends, are the real sunlit uplands, where things are better *because* they’re shittier”. But only sunlit for those with money and connections.
After all, Isabel Oakeshott is a fully paid-up member of the media class, which parties with itself, with right-wing politicians, and with bigots of the lowest kind (Spectator summer party, anyone?). They’re all right, they won’t suffer, and, moreover, they don’t care.
Know your place, Brexit vote cannon fodder. And do without while the rich make merry.
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