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Friday 29 October 2021

A Fish, A Fish, My Brexit For A Fish

As if the IFS forecasts - that’s the ones our Government uses for its Budget calculations - were not bad enough, with their indication that the Very Wonderful Brexit Deal negotiated on behalf of alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson will mean a permanent reduction of 4% in the UK’s GDP, along has come another sign that Brexit is one of those campaigns destined not necessarily to develop to our advantage.

As the BBC has reported, “A British trawler was seized by France and another fined during checks off Le Havre on Thursday. French authorities said the detained vessel did not have a licence”. It’s all a bit Pink Panther remake: “Monsieur, do you ‘ave a la-seance for this beurt? Do neut be feunny with me, Monsieur le Capitan, it saz ‘ere zat you ‘ave to ‘ave a la-seance for ze fashing in thees ‘ere watteurs!” Except it’s not being played for laughs.

Not very Ace negotiator “Lord” David Frost was not taking this lying down, and to prove it, he Tweeted while standing up. “It is very disappointing that France has felt it necessary to make threats late this evening against the UK fishing industry and seemingly traders more broadly … We set out our position earlier this evening”. Yes? Yes yes? Yes yes yes?

As we have had no formal communication from the French Government on this matter we will be seeking urgent clarification of their plans. We will consider what further action is necessary in that light”. I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received … no, no, we’re not declaring war. Not yet, anyhow. But Liz Truss was on the case.

Having earlier demonstrated her grasp of geography by illustrating her claim “We want to attract the best and the brightest to [the UK]” with a photo of the Golden Gate Bridge near San Francisco, CA, she then made a decision. “I have instructed Europe Minister Wendy Morton to summon the French Ambassador to the UK for talks tomorrow to explain the disappointing and disproportionate threats made against the UK and Channel Islands”.

And the right-leaning part of the media rallied to her standard. Gung-ho and all that! This was manifested by amateur gobshite Patrick Christys on Gammon Broadcasting™ News (“Bacon’s News Channel”), who recycled 2003 Iraq War rhetoric with “These garlic wearing, chateau dwelling, cheese eating surrender merchants are really trying it on with fishing … if France really is an ally, with friends like those, who needs enemies”.

But, sad to say, no-one was watching. The real “I shall write to the Times about this” mob arrived with this morning’s papers, the increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph in the vanguard. “Johnson summons French ambassador over fish row … Diplomat to be rebuked after British scallop trawler captain is detained for ‘unlicensed’ fishing”.

Free sheet Metro frothed “KICK IN THE SCALLOPS … France seizes UK ship as Macron reignites Brexit Fishing battle”. Boo Macron! The Daily Star agreed: “Fury At Les Pirates … KICKED IN SCALLOPS … UK vessel seized as France warns of ‘combat’”. The Mail went with “Le Showdown … Truss fury at French ‘threats’ after British boat is seized”.

Sadly, Adam Parsons of Sky News brought a dose of reality. “I've spoken to various EU diplomats about [UK - France] fishing spat. All of them have said they'll back France. ‘There's no trust in the British government, so there's no sympathy either,’ said one”. Cue press distraction as cover for another glorious climbdown. No change there, then.

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Mr Larrington said...

I expect that at the very least Bloody Stupid Johnson will Send A Gunboat. That’ll put those damn' Frenchies well and truly in their place! My go-to source for All Things Military notes that:

“The single 20mm Oerlikon cannon on the Batch 1 River Class patrol boats is unlikely to frighten anyone more than 100m away from those boats. 'Gunboat' is strictly true, but this is a WW1 (yes, One) design of gun, not some modern radar-laid and tracking weapon which might actually do some damage. It's intended to 'fire warning shots' only. These boats are mainly a maritime flagpole.”

so the French reaction will probably be to fall about laughing.

Anonymous said...

"Truss fury"?

Oh my aching sides.

That'll be akin to a thrashing from a metre long thread of wet cotton.

It's worth remembering that Britain's mighty "Royal" Navy was soundly routed by Super Power Iceland in the Cod Wars.

So what will the tory Etonian dwarfs of Westminster and Whitehall and their media grovellers do now? Bombard Calais? Or lay off the White Burgundy for a few weeks?

The Bozo Circus matinee.

Anonymous said...

Another deliberately manufactured crisis to take attention away from the Budget and the increasing likelihood of another Covid lockdown

And not forgetting the deliberate sabotaging of the COP conference so that nothing will be done

Malcolm Redfellow said...

Just came upon the expression, "All the backbone of a chocolate eclair".

I may yet find a use for it.

Anonymous said...

Just about everything Bozo handles turns to shit.

So Truss is "perfect" for the job. Whatever the job is. Nobody in the hapless Circus has a fucking clue if they should shit, shave or shampoo.

John said...

OBR forecasts rather than IFS I think