Top Gear, The Sun, And Gerald Ford

The desperation of Rupe’s downmarket troops at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun to put the boot in on BBC car show Top Gear has reached a new low, with the accusation - unproven, as with all the other accusations - that new host Chris Evans “can’t talk and drive at the same time”. Those of a certain age will recognise this insult as one which first appeared in the public consciousness some decades ago.

Sorry Jezza, you're out of it now

In the US Presidency’s darkest days, after Richard Milhous Nixon had been prevailed upon to leave the White House before being hit with almost certain - and terminal - impeachment proceedings, it was soon discovered that his successor, Gerald Ford, was not the sharpest tool in the box. Indeed, Lyndon Johnson, a master of scatalogical humour, had observed “That Gerald Ford. He can’t fart and chew gum at the same time”.

But the Sun cannot be regaling its readers with mere farting, and so it has invented yet more hokum around one Top Gear feature those readers will know well - the presenter doing an aside to camera while driving. Jeremy Clarkson - who just happens to be a Sun pundit, but that’s a complete coincidence, you understand - was, of course, a master of this practice. So were The Hamster and Captain Slow.

So now the Sun is telling “MOTORMOUTH Chris Evans is causing a headache on Top Gear - because he struggles to talk and drive at the same time … sources say it can take Chris, 49, up to ten attempts to perfect a single item … it is yet another issue to hit the cult BBC show … It has been suggested that production has fallen behind”.

That this story is completely made up is more obvious in the Mail’s copy: “when it comes to talking from behind the wheel, he is said to freeze like a cat caught in the headlights and struggles to blurt out any of his lines … The show's new production team are also said to have limited knowledge of cars and there are suggestions that production on the new series is behind schedule”. The article then refers back to the Sun’s effort.

Not surprisingly, the BBC view, as reported by Digital Spy, is rather different: “The BBC has rubbished claims that new Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is struggling to drive fast and talk at the same time”. There is also - nice angle, this - the reference “A supposed insider had been quoted by The Sun”. And that is all it is: most likely is that the Sun has had no insider information about Top Gear and has resorted to making up stories.

Attempts to rubbish broadcasters are all too common - and all too ineffective. Like the Daily Mail’s unpleasant hatchet jobs on ITV’s Good Morning Britain, which boiled down to whining at host Susanna Reid for getting a better deal than she had at the Beeb, the Sun’s attacks on Top Gear are personal - Evans being the target this time - and pointless. GMB is still there, and, guess what, so will Top Gear still be there in future.

The Sun would have more credibility if it addressed the unacceptable behaviour exhibited by Clarkson that led to his being fired. It won’t - so it doesn’t.

Danczuk Dirt Disher Baker Is Back

There was some question last year how Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk would manage, following the news that his former sidekick Matt Baker, believed to be behind a whole host of smears and dirty tricks, was off to advise Bristol’s independent Mayor George Ferguson. For those still wondering, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Danczuk is managing fine, because the bad news is that Baker is back.

Ferguson used Baker’s services until November, at which point there was a parting of the ways. This was most useful to Danczuk, whose appearances in the press, especially his Sunday columns, needed someone to write them. You think I jest? One look at the letter featured on Zelo Street yesterday shows why this should be.

From “my constituency office and I”, through “it is your decision as to what action you now take, though I believe it requires immediacy”, to “setting out this on-going situation”, the grammar is not going to cut the mustard in the national press. My information is that Simon Danczuk does not write any of his newspaper columns, which are instead authored by Matt Baker, who then takes 50% of the agreed fee.

It gets worse: I’m also told that it is Baker who talks to the press and does the deals. So where does Danczuk come in? Simples. He provides much-needed raw material and subject areas: those who have noticed that he is a rather more regular attendee at Parliamentary Labour Party meetings may not have known that this is, I’m informed, so he has more information, especially insider gossip, to feed to Baker.

The result is very lucrative for both Danczuk and Baker: it’s been put to me that the sums declared in the Register of MP’s Interests are only Danczuk’s 50%. So, for those columns that Baker writes - as opposed to those where Danczuk indicates he has “contributed” to a piece, which is different - the actual fee the paper concerned pays is twice that amount. This equals some serious money-making.

And so it would have remained, had Danczuk’s eye for More And Bigger Paycheques For Himself Personally Now not intervened, it seems. The Mail On Sunday was paying him and Baker well enough, but I’m told the Sun On Sunday was prepared to up the ante. This incurred the displeasure of one senior staffer at the MoS whom it is best not to antagonise. Hence the MoS being more than willing to run hatchet jobs on the MP.

But Simon Danczuk thinks it’s all a game - or rather, he did until the MoS dumped on him last weekend, with the Mail doing him over the previous day, and former girlfriend Claire Hamilton appearing in the Mirror to tell the same story about Danczuk’s relationship with the old falling over water that had already been told by both his ex-wives.

One thing that Danczuk and Baker have to realise is that it is one thing playing the media game in Rochdale, but quite another trying it on with the pack in London. Better make the money while you can, guys.

Michael Dugher - Why He Went

And so Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet reshuffle has been completed. Very little of the carnage predicted by a variously clueless Westminster punditerati has come to pass. Very few shadow ministers have moved jobs. But it is one departure - that of Michael Dugher as shadow Culture Secretary - that has shown up the Pundit Establishment for what it is: self-serving, self-absorbed, and, on Labour, monumentally clueless.

Michael Dugher - who won't be missed

Dugher has been built up - by the same pundits, remember - as some kind of man of the people, a connection with Labour’s working class roots. Yet one only has to listen to him speak to realise that this is another who talks like a Blair clone. His man of the people credentials extend to spending the nine years before becoming an MP as a Westminster insider, initially as a SpAd. This was, in the heat of yesterday’s moment, ignored.

From the moment Dugher Tweeted “Just been sacked by Jeremy Corbyn. I wished him a happy new year”, the cluelessness kicked in. The Sun’s alleged “Westminster Correspondent” Harry Cole grumbled “Corbyn PPS Steve Rotherham [sic] emerges and refuses to be drawn on Dugher's sacking, says he's more interested in football”, not realising he’s damn lucky Rotheram [note correct spelling] will talk to him at all.

The Telegraph’s not at all celebrated blues artiste Whinging Dan Hodges had to have his ninepence worth: “Dugher sacked. Eagle reportedly sacked from defence. Falconer sacked. We'll now see that show of solidarity from their colleagues”. So he didn’t know what he was talking about either. The perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog left it at “Michael Dugher Confirms He's ‘Sacked’ In Reshuffle”.

A wise move for once, unlike all those who read Andy Burnham’s comment “.@MichaelDugher is Labour to the core & has served our Party with distinction. He can leave the front-bench with his head held high” and mistook it for dissent from Corbyn’s decision. My good friend Peter Jukes was left to break the bad news: “Two senior sources suggested Dugher was vulnerable as shadow culture minister a while back, mainly because seen as too close to News UK”. I’ll go further: Dugher was viewed as useless.

Why? Jukes again: “I thought he was almost invisible at DCMS given importance of Leveson, BBC Review and Channel 4 privatisation”. And once again I’ll go further: the identity of both the sources Jukes mentions is known to me. And how the assembled pundits missed the view of at least one of them really beggars belief.

Even the usually reliable Kevin Maguire was off the pace, with “Unsurprised Dugher backed by his Labour colleagues. Sacked Shad Cab Min is shrewd, able, popular Northern street fighter. Corbyn will regret”. No he won’t. The Sun’s Steve Hawkes was more predictably clueless: “Can Andy Burnham stay in his post after the public flogging of the man who ran his leadership campaign?” Er, yes he can.

Hawkes then doubled down on his idiocy by observing “Tom Watson breaks cover to say Michael Dugher's sacking a big loss to the Shadow Cabinet. The beast stirs!” Would Sir like it pointing out with a dirty great club? Dugher was virtually invisible on Leveson 1 and 2, the potential Channel 4 sell-off, and the BBC cuts. He was too close to the Murdoch press. But his former colleagues made sure he got a dignified send-off. Thus another chapter in the Pundit Establishment getting it totally wrong. As you were, guys.

Danczuk Smear Campaign Revealed

As Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk continues to claim that he is working tirelessly for his constituents, and gives off the air of a man who is more sinned against than sinning, Zelo Street has been made aware of just how dirty a game he has played in order to discredit his opponents since being adopted as Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for the seat nine years ago.

In February 2012, Rochdale Online told that “Councillor Farooq Ahmed has been reinstated into the Labour party and his position as finance portfolio holder on the Council Cabinet after a police investigation concluded that no action would be taken over a video that emerged earlier this year purported to show him smoking cannabis … Councillor Ahmed was suspended by the Labour party, and from his Council Cabinet position, whilst an investigation took place”. Ahmed’s comments make interesting reading.

“My partner, Shefali Begum, stood by me and kept me going. I also want to thank the Leader (Colin Lambert) who stood by me and the members of my group, apart from one or two, who supported. It has been a learning curve for me and from now on I will be careful in my private times with what I say, not just publicly, but when I am amongst friends”.

Yet more interesting was this claim: “Councillor Ahmed maintains that the sudden emergence of the video was part of a ‘smear campaign orchestrated by Simon Danczuk’, Rochdale MP and Councillor Ahmed's Labour party colleague”. Zelo Street can now reveal that Danczuk was indeed involved in the campaign to oust Ahmed - to the extent that he used his position as MP for Rochdale to urge action against him.

Central to Danczuk’s campaign against Farooq Ahmed was a letter he wrote - using House of Commons notepaper - to council leader Colin Lambert (who has also been the target of dirty tricks, apparently attributable to Danczuk’s then sidekick Matt Baker). The letter is reproduced in full here so that readers can see the innuendo-laden smear.

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“In recent weeks my constituency office and I have received a number of complaints about Councillor Farooq Ahmed - your cabinet member for finance - which I have to bring to your attention” tells Danczuk, although the letter is short on specifics. But the video gets top billing: “On Friday a constituent came into my office and showed me a video of Councillor Farooq Ahmed smoking a cannabis joint”.

Those who have also read the allegations of Danczuk’s own cannabis use by his ex-wife Sonia Rossington may allow themselves a wry smile at that one.

Danczuk stresses, as he does so often, that this is all about the reputation of the party and the town: “I fear that this evidence could not only bring the party into disrepute if it reaches a wider audience but most importantly it could do great damage to both the council and our community”. There was then a direct personal allegation (also not substantiated).

“A few weeks ago a resident called in to my office to complain that Councillor Farooq Ahmed had recently secured a popular and recently renovated Rochdale Boroughwide Housing property for Shafali Begum (Labour’s candidate in Spotland), someone it is alleged he has a relationship with. Obviously, this would be inappropriate and something you would wish to investigate and rule out”.

Danczuk then suggests that Ahmed may be “attempting to unduly influence planning decisions”, that he has “given the impression that he has broken the rules”. Again, there is nothing offered in support of the claim.

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The allegations just keep on coming: “A long list of erratic behaviour appears to be developing”, Danczuk tells Lambert. The MP had met Ahmed “and discussed rumours that were beginning to circulate. These concentrate on his personal life, in which I have no interest, but I thought he should be aware of”. Rumours. Suggestions. Innuendo.

And then comes the excuse for Danczuk going directly to the council leader: “I had contemplated writing directly to Farooq setting out this on-going situation, though the video I was shown on Friday means more direct and immediate action is required. After reflecting on all I have been hearing over a good number of weeks I thought it best to draw all this to your attention, so that you can take action”.

Note that Danczuk is effectively telling Lambert that he has to do something - on the basis of little more than a video and rather a lot of nudge-nudgery. But he does want to stress his compassionate side: “I am more than happy to help and assist in any way I can - including what is best for Farooq’s personal well-being”. Yes, Simon Danczuk is all heart.

And what happened?

Greater Manchester Police conducted an investigation. Their spokesperson observed “An investigation was carried out by another division within Greater Manchester Police, which concluded there was no evidence for any further police action”.

A spokesperson for Labour in the North West added “Labour North West has conducted an investigation surrounding the video clip in which Councillor Farooq Ahmed appeared and his suspension has now been lifted. Councillor Ahmed categorically denied any wrong doing and the police have confirmed that no further action will be taken”.

Simon Danczuk was invited to comment. It appears he did not. And he certainly showed no regret or sign of apology.

The Farooq Ahmed affair shows outsiders just how nasty Rochdale’s Labour politics has been since Danczuk fetched up in the town, and why feelings are running so high right now. It only adds to the impression that the town would be better served, were Danczuk to move on - or be caused to move on.

The Sun - A Whites-Only Paper

Just to show its sincere remorse for its coverage of the Hillsborough stadium disaster, the Super Soaraway Currant Bun has re-hired disgraced former editor Kelvin MacKenzie to spew out a twice-weekly column laced with intolerance and even the occasional excursion across the racism line, just so readers of A Certain Age can re-live the days when the Murdoch press cared even less about people who were not white.

Sometimes the racism is subtle, but yesterday Kel just had to come straight out with it: “Don’t waste time frisking me as white (and older) guys are not the terrorists”. Wait, what? All is then explained: “Kelvin MacKenzie bites back at some pointless airport security checks”. Kel is not pleased at having to be treated like other passengers, then.

How did the poor dear come to have to undergo this ordeal? “JUST spent a very enjoyable week on the Indian Ocean island of Mauritius, which is basically the Caribbean with nicer locals and no holes in the road, although I suspect only the brains behind the Hatton Garden heist can afford to stay there”. Listen up, he’s got LOADS OF MONEY!

And then it all goes wrong: “on the return leg I have to switch planes at Dubai before heading on to London. As I’m just about to board the plane, I am stopped by a polite security guard who asks to look into my bag”. And? “If security were really interested in stopping an outrage why would they waste their time on me? A quick glance at the photo at the top of this page would reveal two things that would tell the Dubai authorities that I was not going to be a terrorist. The first is my age and the second is my colour”.

And then he comes straight out with it: “Racial profiling is an uncomfortable subject but everybody knows - especially the nervous employees at Dubai airport - that if a bomb is to be smuggled on to a plane it will be carried on by a Muslim from the Middle East or Africa”.

Do they now. Was Anders Breivik a Muslim? How about Timothy McVeigh? If we’re talking about bringing down airliners, perhaps Kelvin McFilth would like to suggest that the captain of the USS Vincennes was a follower of The Prophet (the ship shot down an Iranian airliner over the Strait of Hormuz in 1988, with 290 fatalities)?

How about the Brigate Rosse? The Baader-Mainhof gang? ETA? The provisional IRA and its various splinter groups and successors? What about Eugène Terre’Blanche and the AWB? The less than transparent behaviour of the Russian security agencies, which may have included bombing airliners in order to pin the blame on others? Perhaps Kel has forgotten the case of Nezar Hindawi?

Hindawi got his pregnant Irish girlfriend to unwittingly attempt to take a bomb on to an El Al flight out of Heathrow. The airline’s security found it (the airport’s own checks did not). She was white. Kelvin McFilth would not have bothered stopping her. BANG.

And it gets worse, as Kel tells “Stopping law-abiding, non-violent white people at airports is a waste of time and an insult to everybody’s intelligence … The Dubai authorities should stop this nonsense now. They know who they are looking for. I am not one of them. And neither are you”. So there you have it - the Sun is a newspaper for whites only.

The Sun - it’s written for “you”. And it’s nothing to do with “them”.

Tory Bullying And Legal Advice

The Tory Party’s little local difficulty over bullying, which was precipitated by the death of young activist Elliott Johnson, has not gone away, despite the relative quiet of the festive season, and to underscore this, another effort by the Mail On Sunday’s political editor Simon Walters has brought us “MP who was pictured 'embracing young researcher' says the photo was faked by henchman of suspended Tatler Tory”.

Donal Blaney not being totally repulsed by the presence of Mark Clarke and his sidekick André Walker

So what’s the story? “Friends of Tory MP David Morris say he believes Andre Walker, one of [Mark] Clarke’s cronies, was behind a doctored picture of the MP with his blonde researcher sitting on his lap, which appeared in a newspaper … Alexandra Swann, then 23, the researcher portrayed as sitting on Mr Morris’s lap, also suggested the image was ‘doctored’”. Walker denies being the culprit.

One of those ever-useful “friends” of the MP has observed “Alexandra was not sitting across his knee like that so the picture was clearly a Photoshop job. Those aren’t David’s hands – his right index finger is crooked and an inch shorter than it should be from a bad break years ago. And surely in the mirror, David’s hair should be parted on the left? The club owners have also told him that doesn’t look like their place”.

So far, so much routine dirty tricks, but then readers are told “Mr Morris’s friends said Tory whips suspected Walker was involved in the stunt. They also say Walker suggested the MP call [Donal] Blaney for help in dealing with the story and that Walker accompanied him when he met Mr Blaney, who agreed to write a warning letter to the paper for £600. There is no suggestion Mr Blaney was involved in the photo stunt”.

At this point, regular Zelo Street readers may be experiencing a sense of déjà vu: only three weeks ago, another MoS article on the bullying scandal told that “Blaney asked Elliott [Johnson] to pay him £400 an hour for legal advice over a minor matter … Blaney also charged young Tory activists smeared by Clarke’s gang for legal advice”.

As a result of the latest revelations, Zelo Street has been making enquiries, and has been informed that there have been “many” instances of young activists being subjected to threats and smears from those believed to have been connected to Mark Clarke and his pals, and then being referred to Blaney - then Clarke’s friend - for legal advice.

Anyone who has further information about this - all information will remain confidential and this blog protects its sources - is invited to get in touch, using the email address at right.

In the meantime, I will be familiarising myself with Chapter 3 of the Solicitors Regulation Authority code of conduct, which addresses “Conflicts of interests”, and tells that “You can never act where there is a conflict, or a significant risk of conflict, between you and your client”. I am sure Donal Blaney is familiar with the idea. More on this one soon.

Farage Assassination Hoax Busted

One party not doing very well in the publicity stakes right now, despite the increased attention being given to the prospect of a referendum on Britain’s EU membership, is that of Nigel “Thirsty” Farage and his saloon bar propper-uppers at UKIP, whose dismal showing in the Oldham West and Royton by-election was then followed by petulant and unfounded claims about postal voting.

Squeaky wheel bolt finger up the bum time

The Kippers have also been hindered by the continuing rift between Farage and the party’s only MP, Douglas “Kamikaze” Carswell. The cumulative effect of all this has been to push UKIP’s poll ratings down even further. But suddenly, help was at hand as Mr Thirsty revealed a dramatic new twist: he had been the subject of an assassination attempt! It was in all the papers! And someone should have done some fact checking!

What was splashed by the Mail was typical: “Nigel Farage's car wheels 'were sabotaged in an assassination attempt': Ukip leader lost control of Volvo when wheel fell off on motorway... and police confirm foul play”. Do go on. “The Ukip leader careered off a French road after a wheel on his Volvo came loose while he was driving from Brussels back to his home in Kent”. Yes? Yes yes? Yes yes yes?

“When the police arrived at the scene, they told him that the nuts on all of the wheels had been deliberately unscrewed, The Mail on Sunday has established”. Established how, exactly? Where is the statement by the Gendarmerie? All that readers are told is “The French police looked at it and said that sometimes nuts on one wheel can come a bit loose – but not on all four”. This is Farage’s own statement.

The Evening Standard merely lifted the Mail story, telling readers “Nigel Farage has revealed he fears he was the victim of an assassination attempt after a terrifying ordeal on a French motorway”. Even the Mirror has churned over this account, headlining it “Nigel Farage feared victim of assassination attempt after car wheels sabotaged”. But enough: it is time for the application of the mystical art known as “Five minutes’ Googling”.

This brings us to the Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency website, and a recall notice for Volvo models V60, V70, XC70, S80 and XC90. Farage’s car was a V70. The problem? “It has been identified that the standard wheel securing bolts may not have undergone the correct hardening process. This will result in corrosion, a noise and/or vibration. If this condition is not rectified, there is a possibility that the wheel may become loose and detach”. And there you have the real reason for Farage’s “assassination attempt”.

Worse, the incident took place last October, yet none of the papers running this cod story thought to query the delay. Nigel Farage has not been the subject of an “assassination attempt”. His Volvo V70 should have had its wheel securing bolts checked and replaced, but for some reason it did not. The UKIP leader is spinning a pack of lies.

His death threats are all in the mind. Nobody wants to get rid of comedy gold like him.

Danczuk - The Bidding War

Phone and computer hacking are out of the question. The rest of the Dark Arts are off limits for the foreseeable future. Bribing Police and prison officers is difficult, especially after the Murdoch Mafiosi shopped so many of them. So for the press, it’s back to getting out the cheque book and bidding for the big stories. So it was with nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk’s first wife Sonia and her account of their life together.

Sadly for those waving chequebooks, Sonia Rossington had already decided who was going to get her story. Plus she might as well have some little recompense for having the phone ringing at all hours of the day and night, plus all the hacks camped outside her house for days on end, especially when they knew their paper had not got the story, but they still had to get a quote.

So there could only be one winner in this case, and it was the Mail On Sunday. So how did three of the unsuccessful papers take their loss? Here is our hopeful trio.

Daily Mail - Spoiler: yes, the MoS found itself bidding against its daily sister paper. And, such is the needle between MoS editor Geordie Greig and the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre that the latter, I am told, ordered a spoiler in retaliation on discovering he had lost out. Hence the Saturday headline “SEX SHAME MP SAVAGED BY EX-WIFE”. The Dacre doggies didn’t know what Sonia was going to say, but they knew it was going to be moderately explosive. Most of that story is recycling other copy.

Sunday Mirror - Quiz The Ex: there was no way the Mirror titles were going to compete for the story with the MoS, so they spoke instead to Claire Hamilton, who, being a good Labour Party member, was ready to talk to the only mainstream paper that consistently supports The Red Team. Ms Hamilton brought the Mirror the satisfyingly vengeful headline “Self-obsessed Simon Danczuk cried like a baby when I dumped him says ex girlfriend”.

This was in addition to leaving a potential unexploded bomb in the vicinity by telling “He follows loads of random young women on Twitter so who knows who else he has been texting and sending messages to”. Can you hear the sound of hacks sharpening their pens as they scour Danczuk’s Twitter account for likely targets?

Sun On Sunday - King Size Onion: after spending three days ritually trashing Danczuk in its pages, the Sun has today allowed him to present his rambling excuse note, telling that, more or less, The Bottle Did It, Honestly.

The article gets off to a bad start, as readers are told “SHAMED MP Simon Danczuk yesterday admitted he sent sex texts to 17-year-old Sophena Houlihan because he was ‘drunk, horny and on my own’”. This is an MP we’re talking about, remember. Does Sir have any further excuses to deploy? “Younger women are my Achilles heel. My first wife was ten years younger than me, my second wife was 17 years younger, my last girlfriend is 17 years younger … Some men like older women, some like younger women, some like brunettes, some like blondes”. That would very much depend on how much younger.

And what the Sun hacks should have told Danczuk is that all his tedious apologia will do is to get more people reading, and talking about, Sonia Rossington’s claims. Serves him right courting the tabloids in the first place. Bad move for him - but good for their sales.

Danczuk - The Last Straw

There had been concerns that today’s Mail On Sunday front page lead might not go ahead - after all, more than one paper had shied away at the last minute because of legal threats in the past - but this time, Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk was bang to rights, in graphic detail, and in the words of his first wife Sonia Rossington. He was a bully, an alcoholic, a drug addict, and, it seems, a complete sociopath.

The headline, “My years of abuse by sex text MP: Ex-wife of disgraced Danczuk claims he bullied her into 'sly, awful sex while she was asleep' - then said 'It's the deal, you are my wife' when she complained”, was bad enough. That Ms Rossington also branded Danczuk a “sexual predator” was worse. The confirmation that he had been involved in an affair even before becoming Labour candidate for Rochdale was worse still.

On top of that was his attempt to impose a gagging order on his ex-wife - why else would he do that unless she knew something that would harm his career? - which was later found to be ineffective. The desire to control his partner. The incessant imposition of his demands for regular sex, whatever her response. The love of pornography. The enjoyment of sado-masochism. And the complete and total lack of empathy.

Then there was the dishonesty: Danczuk only admitted to the affair with one of his staff at the now-defunct Vision 21 on pain of having his mobile phone flushed down the pan. He had to be threatened with a DNA test before admitting he was the father of Karen Burke’s (as she was then) child. And his “sexting” of a 17 year old girl, which he kept from his last squeeze Claire Hamilton, only for her to find out and dump him.

Ms Rossington summed it up well when she said “I was completely controlled by him … It was a form of domestic violence, without the hitting. I think he never hit me because he was usually too stoned”. That Danczuk allegedly told her “You’re my wife. I can have sex with you whenever I want”, and that he told her “If you get on the wrong side of me I will destroy you”. The picture that emerges would embarrass any political party.

And that brings us to the investigation the Labour Party has to undertake, following the decision to suspend Danczuk. It is now being reported that he “will apparently be accused of breaching his duty of care to a potential employee, after it was revealed he told student Sophena Houlihan he was “horny” and asked if she wanted him to ‘spank’ her”. That may be enough to have him permanently excluded from the party.

All that would then remain would be Danczuk’s position as an MP: could he hang on as an Independent? It’s been rumoured that UKIP would only accept him if he agreed to a by-election - which, right now, he would lose - and so sitting tight until 2020 would be the only option. But opinion in Rochdale is hardening against Danczuk, with a protest outside his constituency office scheduled for 1100 hours tomorrow.

And that, folks, is why we can now finally see Simon Danczuk, on his way … out.

Top Six - January 3

So what’s hot, and what’s not, in the past week’s blogging? Here are the six most popular posts on Zelo Street for the past seven days, counting down in reverse order, because, well, I have shopping to do later. So there.

6 Simon Danczuk Abandons Flood Victims Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP went for an evening out at the curry house with his latest squeeze while many of his constituents faced the prospect of not having an evening out for many months to come.

5 Don’t Menshn You’re A Liar (Thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch has been calling “liar” on an awful lot of people recently. This despite her being the worst liar and smearer of them all.

4 Simon Danczuk - Time To Go Yet more revelations about Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP resulted in the party suspending him.

3 Broadcaster Calls Out Murdoch Al-Jazeera’s Listening Post strand shamed the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 by addressing the subject of press regulation, and Rupe’s fightback. The line-up of pundits includes Myself. Honestly.

2 Sun Blames Danczuk Attack On Corbyn The Sun had run a career-ending exclusive on Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP, but wanted its readers to know that, in the case of his being thrown out of that party, it would be Jeremy Corbyn wot did it.

1 Simon Danczuk Is Finished After he was revealed to have “sexted” a 17 year old, talking of being “horny” and proposing spanking, there was no way back. Not even for the slippery Danczuk.

And that’s the end of another blogtastic week, blog pickers. Not ‘arf!

Danczuk Did NOT Expose Cyril Smith

While the currency of Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk sinks lower and lower on the market of convertible credibility, following the revelation that he had been indulging in less than totally appropriate text message exchanges with a 17 year old girl, one mitigating factor is wheeled out time and again in his defence - that he was the one who outed, or exposed, his predecessor Cyril Smith.

But there was, as Captain Blackadder might have observed, only one thing wrong with this idea - it was bollocks. Danczuk has certainly made considerable personal capital out of telling the world what it already knew, and had known for 33 years prior to his intervention, but on no measure can he lay claim to exposing Smith’s behaviour. Moreover, some of what has been published in his name has since been debunked.

Some papers even cite 2010 as the date Danczuk became involved. But as I’ve previously told, “Until prompted by John Walker, formerly of Rochdale Alternative Press, the paper whose revelations were more widely publicised by Private Eye in 1979, and Paul Waugh, who, with Walker’s assistance, ran a piece ‘Cyril Smith - some justice at last?’ on 27 November 2012, on PoliticsHome, Danczuk had not been involved”.

Cyril Smith at full girth in the Commons

Walker later recalled “[The House of] Commons was holding a debate on current child abuse and grooming on that day [27 November 2012], and … Simon Danczuk - because of the on-going position in Rochdale - had preferential speaking rights in the debate … Prior to Paul's publication that day, out of courtesy, he contacted Danczuk to forewarn him of his article about his predecessor as Rochdale's MP”.

Only then did Danczuk seize the initiative, with the idea of a book on the subject only being taken forward after Walker had done a great deal of work to persuade the MP to get involved. And after Danczuk and his sidekick Matt Baker did publish Smile For The Camera, the book was soon mired in controversy.

The real exposure - in 1979

Baker and Danczuk claimed that Smith had been apprehended by Northamptonshire Police on the M1 in the vicinity of Watford Gap services with a stash of child pornography in the boot of his car. They also claim that Smith was allowed to go free as he was a “protected man”. Northants Police then spent a non-trivial amount of time and therefore money investigating the claim, only to find that there was no evidence of Smith having been the subject of a traffic stop, or that his car was searched.

It got worse: after a Freedom of Information request to Northants Police asked “Did the Police voluntarily request disclosure of all evidence accumulated by Simon Danczuk and Matthew Baker to substantiate this specific claim?” the answer came back “the investigators asked but there was no evidential material to take possession of. The issue of witnesses was discussed but there was no information as to the identity of any of the witnesses to the alleged events”. Part of Danczuk and Baker’s book was made up.

So when the press gives Simon Danczuk a free pass because he “exposed” or “outed” Cyril Smith, remember that not only did he not expose Smith, but he and Baker invented at least one key incident in their book. The Rochdale Alternative Paper and Private Eye magazine remain the only two publications to name any living politician with regard to child sexual abuse. Inventing stories after their death doesn’t count.

Sun Blames Danczuk Attack On Corbyn

For a third successive day, the Super Soaraway Currant Bun has devoted part of its front page to attacking Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk, although this time round he is only the support act. “Sex text MP’s ex: I’ll finish career” is the brief yet imaginative headline for an article which is quite explicit in its direction - Danczuk’s first wife Sonia Rossington says what she knows will finish him.

Claiming an “exclusive” (although the Mail has already lifted the copy), the piece tells “Shamed MP’s ex labels Danczuk ‘despicable’ in light of texts he sent to young girl - and threatens to bring down his political career with huge secret … THE first wife of sex text shame MP Simon Danczuk last night threatened to destroy his political career … Horrified Sonia Rossington, 39, branded her 49-year-old former husband “despicable” and an embarrassment to his children”. And there was more.

“And hinting at a devastating revelation, she warned: ‘Once I divulge this information, it does not matter if the Labour Party has suspended him or not, he will never ever have a political career again’ … And she insisted: ‘It will end it - from the moment I open my mouth’”. That’s pretty explicit stuff.

The Sun has also claimed an “exclusive” for “Simon Danczuk in lol text gaffe: I’m down with the kids ... I like the Article Monkeys … Sleazy MP’s hilarious ‘streetwise’ attempts to seduce 17-year-old revealed”, where yet more of Danczuk’s ill-advised text messages to then 17 year old Sophena Houlihan are given an airing.

Readers are told “Sophena also once referred to the song ‘Coffee and TV’ … After he was informed it was a record by Blur, Danczuk admitted he was ‘out of touch’ before boasting: ‘I’ve done Glastonbury, Reading etc etc.’ … His knowledge of music streaming services was also exposed by asking: ‘People keep telling me to subscribe to Spotify, is that right?! Do you get films on that?’” Piling on the ridicule, then.

So who would claim the credit - or take the blame, depending on your stance - when Danczuk is finally caused to step down as an MP? It could only be the Sun … couldn’t it? Well, no it couldn’t - not according to the Sun. In an editorial yesterday titled “You Dan fool” (geddit?!?!?), readers are told “Simon Danczuk is a good, campaigning Labour MP with more grasp of what drives ordinary voters than his party’s leaders”. Do go on.

“But his sordid texts to a girl of 17 are inexcusable. They were not just naive and sleazy for a man of his age and position. They were an abuse of power … Sophena Houlihan approached him seeking a job in politics. He took advantage of that to ask her for sex”. And then comes the bodyswerve: “We’re not calling for Danczuk to lose his job. But it’s almost certain he will. He’s already one of the many moderates Labour’s hard-left masters want rid of”.

So there you have it: all that effort put in by the Sun’s hacks and pundits, and would you know it, it was all down to Jeremy Corbyn. Truly the Labour leader has supernatural powers, such that he can work the Murdoch press without knowing it.

UKIP Dredges The EU Barrel

As the clean-up operation continues across areas of Yorkshire, Lancashire and Scotland following the latest bouts of flooding to hit the UK, the search is on for politicians to make capital out of all the misery and financial distress caused, and no party is more desperate to make capital at the moment than UKIP and its not-elected-this-time-round leader Nigel “Thirsty” Farage. They have identified the villain, and it is, predictably, the EU.

Now it's squeaky dredging finger up the bum time

How have the Kippers come to this conclusion? Have the dastardly Eurocrats of Brussels somehow conspired to influence weather patterns and force all those low pressure areas and their associated frontal systems to dump their rain only on the unfortunate UK? Well, no, not even UKIP would try that one - at least, not yet - but they are sure that what the EU decided (with UK agreement) caused the flooding.

Getting to their desired conclusion was slow going for the Farage fringe: at first, they joined the Daily Mail bandwagon, pretending that there was some kind of zero sum game between foreign aid and flood defence provision. Very few voters took any notice. So their attack switched to the HS2 project: there was now another zero sum game between that and flood defence provision. Still very few voters took any notice.

Wrong, Nige. Try again

Then a lightbulb was energised somewhere on Planet Kipper, as it was belatedly realised that they were supposed to blame the EU. So blame the EU they did: James Carver, who represents UKIP at the European Parliament, asked “Did the virtual end of river dredging when the EC Water Framework Directive became law, cause the disastrous floods?” That’s another QTWTAIN, even if it is in the papers.

Wrong once more ...

Although the Mail, ever ready to play both sides of the field on any subject where the EU can somehow be dragged in, screamed “Britain's flooding crisis 'made worse by the EU': Green Brussels bureaucrats have 'banned' river dredging that allows water to drain faster, say farmers”, their own article shows why the assertion is not true.

... and thrice wrong

The article concludes “An Environment Agency spokesman said: ‘Dredging and clearing channels are important parts of the Environment Agency’s maintenance regime and over the past two years we have spent £21million on dredging … In many cases, dredging is not the best long-term solution because rivers can quickly silt up again and other measures may be more effective’”. We have been here before.

Two winters ago, the Somerset Levels flooded. Led by professional fraud Christopher Booker, there was a call for the rivers in the area to be dredged. They were duly dredged. The following winter, with rather less rainfall, the rivers nearly overflowed once more. Rivers, after all, only carry away a small percentage of that heavy rainfall, and there are far better ways to mitigate flood risks (read George Monbiot on the subject HERE).

But that would involve engaging brain and entering an intellectual process. Far better, for the Kippers, to point at Brussels and shout loudly. What a complete and utter shower.

Simon Danczuk - Time To Go

If Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk thought that yesterday’s front page splash in the Murdoch Sun was the sum total of his latest problems, he was disabused of that notion this morning as the same paper went for him once again, with the clear message that it was time for him to step down as an MP, in an echo of the same paper’s 1992 campaign to dislodge Tory MP David Mellor from the then Government.

“SLEAZY MP Simon Danczuk has been suspended by the Labour Party after he bombarded a 17-year-old girl with a string of vile sex messages … Danczuk, 49, who has campaigned against child abuse, targeted Sophena Houlihan after she asked for a job. His lover saw the messages then dumped him” tells the article, and in its crusade to oust Danczuk, the Sun has some surprising allies.

Not least among those allies are an increasing number of those who voted him into power, as the Mail has pointed out in its headline “'I was only a year older than the Rochdale grooming victims': Girl, 17, sexted by Simon Danczuk blasts anti-paedophile MP as hundreds of constituents call for him to quit”. A petition has been set up demanding Danczuk go, and now. And there is more. Much more.

Sonia Rossington, the first Mrs Danczuk, has complained “My God what is he doing, he has a daughter not much younger than the girl he wants to 'spank', and his 18-year-old son has enough problems at university due to sharing the Danczuk name. Why can he not think of his children and the devastating effect his selfish antics have on them? It has been one thing after another after another, will it ever end?”

Meanwhile, Mick Coates, one of the “Rochdale Seven” expelled by the Labour Party in 2009 for expressing disquiet over the incident where Karen Burke, as she then was, was dumped at Alicante airport with no money to get back to the UK, has told Rochdale Online “The Rochdale Labour Party ought to pass a vote of no confidence because they have got to get rid of him now. If they don’t, then they won’t be helping themselves”.

Coats added “He has done so many things that could deem him unfit to be an MP and I think this is just the straw that broke the camel's back … I would like to see a review open into the Rochdale Seven. We feel vindicated now that he has been suspended but I just feel sorry for Maureen Nicholl and Mick Cummings because they are no longer with us”.

Ms Rossington, though, has warned Danczuk will be taking out his onion: “I was married to him for a long time, I know the way he operates, and I have no doubt he will already been plotting a tear jerking television interview seeking sympathy and we can expect the usual insincere apology, but nothing ever changes with Simon, he thinks he can get away with anything, and up to now he has”, she told Rochdale Online.

I am informed that there will be a protest meeting and march in Rochdale next Monday, January 4th. Zelo Street will post more information as it becomes available.

Oh, and Simon Danczuk is still facing the prospect of a defamation action over the “dirty tricks” campaign against Colin Lambert. This time it really could be the end of the road.