Bozo No More - MAYBE

We knew all along that he would not resign of his own accord, and so it has proved. Alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is still clinging on with his fingertips as resignations rain in on him. Those that remain loyal do so, in most part, because no-one else would have them around the cabinet table. It’s over. Bozo is a dead man walking.

But he still walked into PMQs, and there, he was greeted by less than full Government benches, an absent Michael “Oiky” Gove, and several of his own side using their questions to demand his resignation. He took no notice. He lied about Chris Pincher. He lied fluently on other subjects. There was a chorus of “Bye bye Boris” as he left the chamber. He ignored it all.

Gove had told him he had to go. Instead, it was Gove who went as Bozo, by now lashing out uncontrollably, sacked him. Nadhim Zahawi, only the day previously appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer to replace the departed Rishi Sunak, also resigned. Even Priti Patel, the Benidorm holiday rep Home Secretary, told Bozo to go; possibly she is delusional enough to believe the next PM will keep her in post. Yet still Bozo remained in Downing Street.

We knew he would not go willingly: former mistress Petronella Wyatt had spelled it out. “Boris will never resign. He thinks he has a God given right to rule in perpetuity. This is going to be long, drawn out and very bad for the Tory Party and the country. There will be no government, as every minute of the day will be devoted to saving Boris”. These were to prove prophetic words.

Last night, someone not unadjacent to Bozo, meaning most likely Himself or third wife Carrie, briefed the right-leaning part of our free and fearless press that he would hold on, that he had a mandate from the British people - although recent by-election results suggest putting that one to the test would be unwise - and the Mail proclaimed “BORIS STARES DOWN THE MUTINY”.

The Murdoch Sun, where the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, still pretending to be a real journalist, had also been suitably briefed, told readers “You’’ll have to dip your hands in blood to get rid of me”. But in the new light of day, as the resignations continued, Bozo “reflected” on his conversation with Graham Brady, leader of the 1922 Committee.

Brady, perhaps mindful of the likelihood that a big swing against the Tories would see him lose his seat, seems to have prevailed upon Bozo, who, having reflected, decided the game was indeed up, to the great relief of all those who wished he had either gone earlier, or never been PM at all.

So that was that, was it? Sadly, no it wasn’t: Bozo would not go until the autumn. Then came the realisation that the all-important resignation letter, signed by himself and not by “M Mouse”, “O B Laden”, or indeed “Leasowe Van Hire”, had not appeared. Then came news of major policy announcements to come later in the day. He was still clinging on.

Maybe he and Carrie thought that if they just stick around and keep a low profile, everyone would forget they were still in Downing Street. Perhaps he could wangle another visit to Ukraine and force the Tories to support him anyway. So he began a cabinet reshuffle, which would be an interesting thing to see, given the lack of suitable, and indeed, willing candidates.

He had delivered Schrödinger’s Resignation; it was valid and not valid at the same time. This did not impress Her Majesty’s loyal opposition, as Pippa Crerar of the Mirror observed: “Labour leader Keir Starmer threatens to table a confidence motion in Boris Johnson if he ‘clings on’ in No 10 after he has resigned as Tory leader”. Starmer then left his foot in the tackle.

“It should have happened long ago. He was always unfit for office. He has been responsible for lies, scandal and fraud on an industrial scale. And all those who have been complicit should be utterly ashamed”. Then Bozo appeared before his adoring public (Jacob and Nadine Rees-Bonkers) to inform them that he’d done nothing wrong and wasn’t actually going.

Former chief Downing Street polecat Dominic Cummings had seen it all before, and had a warning: “I know that guy & I'm telling you - he doesn't think it's over, he's thinking 'there's a war, weird shit happens in a war, play for time play for time, I can still get out of this, I got a mandate, members love me, get to September…' If MPs leave him in situ there'll be CARNAGE”.

So he’s going to go. Maybe. It’s all someone else’s fault. He did nothing wrong. He got all the big calls right. He Got Brexit Done. He’s still big. It’s the politics that got small. And he’s squatting in 10 Downing Street, daring his opponents to come and get him. Which they need to do. And very soon.

Meanwhile, don’t forget all those who enabled him. Shame on them all.

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