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Sunday 18 July 2021

Hatey Katie Deports Herself

Her career may have been in freefall since the heady days of her own column in the Murdoch Sun on Sunday, and a show on LBC, but things appeared to have been looking up for pro-am motormouth Katie Hopkins last week as it was revealed that she had somehow been invited to take part in VIP Big Brother - in Australia.

Viewers may still want to look away now

What Australia could have done that merited the imposition of Hatey Klopkins upon an unsuspecting TV audience is not clear, but one thing certainly was: they take the threat of Covid-19 infection and transmission very seriously in Oz, and so anyone entering the country has to enter hotel quarantine - no ifs, no buts, no exceptions.

Moreover, Ms Hopkins soon had an incentive to stick to those rules after questions were asked as to how she was let in in the first place, given her less than illustrious history of peddling bigotry. So once ensconced in her hotel room, how did she play it? What would a sensible person have done? What would Nietzsche have done?

Sadly for her, but to the benefit of all in Australia who would rather she had never been allowed to board the plane, off she went on a video rant. “I’ve been told when they bring three meals a day to the door, I have to wait 30 seconds before opening the door. And then I can open the door but only with a face mask”. So what would she do instead?

She tried to answer the door as soon as she heard anyone outside, so she could “Frighten the shit out of them and do it naked with no face mask … What I want is the sergeant in the foyer to come up and tell me off so that I can stand there naked while he tells me off”. Laugh? I thought I’d never start. Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce was equally unimpressed.

I’m the one who wanted to send home Johnny Depp’s dogs so I have no problem sending home someone who wants to flout our laws. If you want to do that, pack your bongo and get out”. Crikey! Worse than not chilling your BLADDY BEER in the back of the fridge!!

But help was soon at hand for those unsuspecting viewers who might have inadvertently found themselves Driving The Porcelain Bus at the sight of Hatie Klopkins on their TV. Big Brother dropped her: “A Seven spokesperson said, “Seven Network and Endemol Shine Australia confirm that Katie Hopkins is not part of Big Brother VIP. Seven and Endemol Shine strongly condemn her irresponsible and reckless comments in hotel quarantine”.

Worse for her, but even better for Oz, as Guardian Australia has reported, is that she “will leave the country after breaching her contract … Talent contracts have an out-clause: don’t bring the network into disrepute. It is also a requirement of any overseas personality to comply with visa conditions”. First self-cancellation, then self-deportation.

And before she and Gammon Broadcasting™ News (“Bacon’s News Channel”) get any ideas about hiring Ms Hopkins when she is dumped back at Heathrow, Stop Funding Hate and Ripples will be waiting: Hatey was dumped by Big Brother VIP after “Seven … booked hundreds of millions of dollars of advertising and cannot afford for sponsors to pull out due to public pressure … Toyota, Woolworths, Optus and McDonald’s lead the list of major sponsors, while Harvey Norman, AAMI, and HP are also signed on”.

Hatey Klopkins: too stupid to obey the law, so most likely ideal material for GB News.

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Anonymous said...

Surely, SURELY, even Gammon Bullshit Nerds wouldn't be so utterly stupid to employ Big Nose Kate. Everything she touches turns to shit. In the case of Gammon Bullshit Nerds it would merely prod existing turds.

You have to larf.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, has she been jabbed?
Given all the Aussies unable to return home due to their restrictive regulations it is surprising that hatey has been allowed in, but then again her political views are not that dissimilar to the Australian government, so...

Anonymous said...

Is Andrew still ogling the 15 y.o froglets?

AndyC said...

She says '...so that I can stand there naked while he tells me off...'

Pass the sick bag, Alice, and then the mind bleach.

SteveHolmes11 said...

Aussie customs officer: Thank you Ms. Hopkins. One last thing before you enter our glorious country. Do you have a criminal record?

Hopkins: I didn't realise it was still compulsory.

Thank you, l am here all week.