Toby Young’s £9 Million School Building

While Zelo Street investigations into the sudden departure of head teacher Sam Naismith from the West London Free School (WLFS), domain of the loathsome Toby Young, continue, another eyebrow-raising item has come to my notice. WLFS opened in 2011 using temporary premises, and a move to a permanent site has been promised, but not achieved – until now.

You'll have to flog the vino to pay for it, Tobes

The WLFS started life in a site on Cambridge Grove, but the following year, told that “We are delighted to be unveiling our plans for Palingswick House.  After some restoration and refurbishment carried out by Willmott Dixon, this historic building in the heart of Hammersmith will become our permanent home”. Palingswick House is on King Street in Hammersmith.

And so it came to pass that the WLFS is still at Cambridge Grove, and nothing more appears to have been heard about Palingswick House. In the meantime, the deeply subversive Guardian reported that the average cost of setting up a Free School had risen to £6.6 million. Well, have I got news for Alan Rusbridger and his team: Tobes’ Free School looks set to blow that figure out of the water.

That’s because, in addition to all the dosh that has already been expended on the Cambridge Grove site, and all those other items required to get a school up and running, the WLFS has just committed to blowing a sum in excess of £9 million – you read that right – of taxpayers’ money acquiring a recently refurbished office building in Hammersmith that is definitely not Palingswick House.

Chartered surveyors Hanover Green have announced “F&C REIT and Berwick Hill Properties have sold the freehold of the recently refurbished office building at 2 Bridge Avenue, Hammersmith, London W6 to the West London Free School despite strong interest from office owner occupiers”. So WLFS has had to go to the open market to find a suitable building – and compete with commercial interests.

The announcement continues “The 15,896 sq ft four-storey property has been sold by the joint venture partners through joint agents Hanover Green for £9.25 million. The property was marketed to occupiers and owner occupiers and generated strong interest with conversion to a new school winning the day”. So more money will have to be spent to “convert” the building to school use.

Palingswick House was being sold by the local authority, and WLFS could have expected to secure the premises without entering a bidding war. Moreover, two years ago property prices were not as buoyant as today. So not only has Tobes’ school somehow failed to get its first choice building, it has also had to pay top dollar and will have to shell out more still before moving.

And don’t forget, folks, it’s we the taxpayers who are paying for it.

UKIP – Asleep At The Helmer

If anyone was in any doubt about the miasma of rank hypocrisy, bigotry, sleaze-baggery and general spivvery that envelops Nigel “Thirsty” Farage and his fellow saloon bar propper-uppers at UKIP, today’s news on the upcoming Newark by-election lays it out for all to see. Because the party’s candidate is going to be none other than seasoned bigot Roger Helmer.

Squeaky finger up the chicken bum time

You may recall that Farage had chickened out of the contest because he wanted to concentrate on the campaign for elections to the European Parliament (EP). So, as UKIP is allegedly a repository of high principles, it might be thought that the candidate could not already be an MEP. But Helmer is already an MEP, although he was elected on the Tory Party list in 2009.

So much for consistency. But it gets worse: Helmer is in the right party when it comes to being described as a Kipper. Yes, there he is, trousering salary and allowances just like his fellow UKIP MEPs, and when he can be arsed to turn up at the EP, he uses it as a place to catch up on his sleep. There’s more high principles and respect for his employer in one.

Roger Helmer - a genuine Kipper

Helmer’s ratting to UKIP caused the Leicester Mercury to observe “A Euro MP has been branded a hypocrite by a former party colleague after quitting the Tories to join UKIP ... Mr Helmer had urged party colleague Bill Newton Dunn to resign when he quit the Tories to become a Liberal Democrat”. Newton Dunn said “Though I can understand Roger's decision, what I cannot abide is his hypocrisy – even duplicity”.

Rog also came to the attention of Damian Thompson at Telegraph blogs after he asserted “It would not be fair to describe the [Catholic] Church as “institutionally paedophile”. So far as I know it has no rules or systems designed to support or promote paedophilia.  But I think it would be perfectly fair to describe it as systemically paedophile”. So that’s a little more of his electorate he just alienated.

Can it get worse? You betcha, says Sarah: Helmer said that “‘homophobia' is not so much a word as a political agenda” which “describes something which simply does not exist ... the word homophobia has no meaning. I have never met anyone with an irrational fear of homosexuals, it is just a propagandist word created by the militant gay rights lobby”. More electorate alienation, then.

And Helmer backed his dishonest colleague Dan, Dan the Oratory Man over the latter’s attack on the NHS: “I think Dan has done us a service by raising these issues which need to be looked at”, he said. Hannan had just gone on Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse) to tell a series of whoppers about healthcare, an area where his beloved USA spends almost twice the GDP for less good outcomes.

So there’s plenty for UKIP’s opponents to get their teeth into. Let battle commence!

Toby Young’s School In Meltdown

Disturbing news has arrived on Zelo Street regarding goings-on at the West London Free School (WLFS), the domain of the loathsome Toby Young, where a high turnover of staff, prevalent since the school opened in 2011, continues. This heightened turnover extends to head teachers: Thomas Packer was “kicked upstairs” and then left completely. Now his successor has gone, too.

Something unpleasant concealed in the cellar?

Sam Naismith is still shown as Headmaster on the school’s website. But, it seems, those subscribing to the Good Schools Guide have been informed that he “left abruptly in May 2014”. Have a think about that. A head teacher departing other than at year end is eyebrow-raising; to have one leave suddenly in mid-term is cause for significant concern. My informant is, indeed, concerned.

That the school was advertising for another head teacher had already been picked up by this blog, but the description of Naismith’s departure – “retirement for health and family reasons” – is slightly sinister, especially as it suggests that all may not be well. I am also informed that “everyone’s been sworn to secrecy”. Anyone more inclined to freedom of information may contact me – email address at right.

The reason that openness may be the best way of shining a light on what is going on at WLFS is that I am informed the true reasons for Naismith’s departure are “very bad”. However that phrase translates, it is most likely A Very Good Thing that the information is put into the public domain – given that Tobes’ pride and joy is being paid for with taxpayers’ money.

I can reveal that the source of my information, while remaining necessarily anonymous, is genuine, reliable, and close enough to the school to be credible. What is more, I am also advised that Tobes and his Governors, rather than coming clean about what is going on, have for the past week been engaged in a media damage limitation exercise in order to hush it all up.

It may not have occurred to Toby Young that, when it comes to the spending of public funds, openness and transparency is not something that can be demanded of others, but not when your particular domain comes under scrutiny. And, while he’s explaining why the WLFS lost its head in what appear to be mysterious circumstances, he might tell why the associated Primary lost its head at Easter.

I expect that The Usual Suspects in the press are already on Tobes’ case, which means that papers like the deeply subversive Guardian will spill the beans in the next few days. It’s understandable that Tobes and his Governors want to protect the reputation that WLFS has already achieved, and don’t want to frighten off prospective parents. But, again, it’s our money he’s spending.

It’s time to come clean, Toby Young. Before someone else does the job for you.

Littlejohn Disses His Own Paper

“One In 7 Hospital Patients Diabetic” thunders the Daily Mail this morning, adding “costing NHS £10 billion a year”, and “Campaigners warn 'eye-watering' cost of diabetes is getting worse ... Illness linked to lifestyle factors such as being overweight or obese ... It already accounts for about 10 per cent of the total NHS budget ... The costs will soar further over the next 20 years, it is claimed”.

The report goes on “The illness is strongly linked to lifestyle factors such as being overweight or obese, too little exercise and an unhealthy diet” [my emphasis]. So one might think that the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre and his obedient hackery will be as one on the issue, wanting to urge measures that retain individual freedom, while bearing down on costs and consequences.

Sadly, one of the Dacre team has not yet received the message: step forward unfunny and talentless churnalist Richard Littlejohn, who prefers to promote bad diet and lack of exercise if it allows him to kick Mil The Younger: “As part of a range of 'healthy lifestyle' policies, Labour is seriously proposing to declare war on breakfast cereals”. Making it up again, Dicky boy? He certainly is.

Dicky Windbag is following up the Mail On Sunday’s mostly fictitious front page splash (all those protesting that the two titles are totally independent of one another may have difficulty at this point), which asserted that Miliband was personally going to force the population to get fitter and eat healthier. Littlejohn merely takes the misinformation and adds something he thought of earlier.

“Those deemed to be harmful to children, such as Frosties and Sugar Puffs, would be banned outright. Others would have to be sold in a plain wrapper, complete no doubt with cigarette-style health warnings. TV advertising would be banned, at least before the 9pm watershed”. Of course – why bother debating the facts when you can just invent something that nobody ever proposed?

Dick also wants to frighten the readers about the idea of taking exercise, an idea which would send him into brown trouser mode sharpish: “Labour also intends to get 'half the population' taking regular exercise. Are we going to see the introduction of compulsory keep fit classes, like they have in China? Will those who refuse to take part be sent to re-education camps?” he gasps dishonestly.

Of course, none of what he asserts has been so much as suggested: the idea – and the Tories have tried the same thing – is to inform, and gently “nudge” the population in the desired direction. You still want Frosties, go right ahead – you can make an informed decision. Nobody is going to ban anything. And in the meantime, perhaps the Mail could tell its million pound prat what is going on tomorrow’s front page.

That would “nudge” them all from facing in different directions. What a shower.

Boris Lord Of The Rings Fail

[Update at end of post]

London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, as is well-known, enhances his income from pretending to run the capital with £250,000 of “chicken feed” from the Maily Telegraph. But, as I’ve pointed out before, being bunged £5,000 for every one of his columns does not guarantee that he can be arsed doing the most elementary research. That tradition continues.

Lord of the Rings? Have I read that one? Cripes chaps, Beano Boris can't remember! Oo-er! Better make it up anyway, eh readers? Yikes!

Bozza’s latest effort revolves around his attempts to kick Mil The Younger, telling readers “The economic sunshine has left Miligoblin groping in the dark ... Voters are learning to ignore this croaking, complaining creature as it scuttles around beneath the toadstools”. How frightfully witty, er, not. Where does he get this “Miligoblin” idea, anyway? Is there a book or film to which he is alluding?

“It is a long time since I read The Lord of the Rings, but I have a feeling that there was a character – some goblin or twisted elf – who disliked the sunlight. He was fine at night, or when he was concealed in the roots of a mountain. But as soon as he felt the daylight upon him, he would writhe and moan and generally come over all queer. That is a bit like how it is with poor old Ed Miliband”. Crikey readers!

Yes, Bozza gets £5K for this rubbish, but you can forget any preparation or fact checking. But he does have good news to tell us: “Things are blooming in unexpected places. People are being hired to do jobs in sectors that barely existed a few years ago”. Yikes! Beano Boris caught making another column up on the fly! What will Dave say? [He’ll say Bozza’s a twat, just like he usually does]

The point of the piece is to rubbish Labour’s ideas: “First, he noticed that people were fuming about their energy bills. So Labour offered to freeze them ... And for a while, it worked – until people started thinking about it”. Yes Boris, it was so rubbish that the energy companies have taken up the idea themselves. So that’s not a very good way to kick the Labour leader, is it?

“Meanwhile, the economy kept getting better” he prattles on, and maybe for those able to trouser £5K for a weekly column of crap, this is true. It’s stuff all comfort for those out of work, or, perhaps more importantly, who haven’t had a pay rise for several years, while prices have been rising inexorably. But, as the man said, there’s more: he then goes on to rent controls.

“Almost as soon as Miliband started promising to cut rents, people saw that he was talking nonsense ... The last thing the people needed was some Venezuelan rent-control system”. What has been proposed is hardly the stuff of nightmare socialism, and is playing rather well, but Bozza is on autopilot, phoning his column in after assembling it from stock phrases and soundbites.

That means there’s one worker whose productivity hasn’t improved for years. Him.

[UPDATE 6 May 0920 hours: cartoonist Martin Rowson has noticed something rather more disturbing about Bozza's characterisation of Miliband: the overtone of anti-Semitism.

As he has noted on Twitter, there is a full "lexicon of tradtional anti-Semitic tropes: gnome, goblin, hiding from sunshine etc ... I wonder why". I don't wonder why at all.

The problem for the right-leaning press is that Miliband's Jewish heritage is somewhere they cannot go, well, not directly, anyway. The Mail got into trouble when it talked of "The jealous God of Deuteronomy" and "visiting the sins of the father on the sons" when trying to attack Miliband through his late father, but, it seems, the attempts to "go there but not look as if they are going there" are continuing.

What you will not hear Nick Ferrari asking Bozza on LBC this morning. No change there, then]

Max Clifford – Max Dacre Pundit Grovel

[Update at end of post]

There is one drawback to being a regular Daily Mail columnist: every so often, word will be sent from the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre instructing the pundit concerned to perform a hatchet job, often on the most slender of pretexts, the result being that said pundit ends up looking like a jackass, and the rest of the profession knows it – although the financial compensation is generous.

What's f***ing wrong with telling pundits what to write, c***? Er, with the greatest respect, Mr Jay

So who is the latest to be ordered over the top at the bidding of the Vagina Monologue? Step forward Dominic Lawson, to show how far the mighty can fall: Dom has edited the Spectator and Sunday Telegraph, but is now reduced to being a substitute for Melanie “not just Barking but halfway to Upminster” Phillips. His latest task is to blame Max Clifford’s misbehaviour on “the left”.

“Why Max Clifford's greatest PR coup was to get the Left to fall for his lies” tells the blatantly fraudulent headline. “You might think that the downfall of a multi-millionaire businessman, particularly one who was chauffeured around town in a £225,000 Rolls-Royce Ghost with personalised number-plates, would prompt delight on the part of the usually puritanical Left-wing Press” he posits loftily.

Then comes the assertion that the deeply subversive Guardian had been influenced by Clifford into going soft on him. This is, let us not drive this one around the houses for too long, a hot and steaming pile of weapons grade bullshit, as anyone who has seen Saturday’s Guardian front page will know. The headline, “Eight years’ jail. For your crimes and your contempt for women” sets the scene.

The sub-heading adds “Clifford pays added price for ‘extraordinary’ behaviour in abuse trial”. Josh Halliday’s article continues “Judge Anthony Leonard imposed a sentence more than double than had been expected, partly because of Clifford's attitude during the trial at Southwark crown court, where he was ‘laughing and shaking his head’ in the dock at some of the accusations made against him”.

Moreover, “Leonard concluded: ‘I find your behaviour to be quite extraordinary and a further indication that you show no remorse’ ... Clifford was told that had some of offences been tried under today's law, they would be considered as rape or assault by penetration with a maximum sentence of life imprisonment”. Perhaps Lawson and his editor would like to show where that is “going soft” on Clifford.

They will not, because it isn’t. This is a classic, and classically inept, attempt to deflect the Daily Mail’s own incompetence over the years: as with Jimmy Savile, someone else is at fault, but the Mail, which never so much as said boo to Clifford until he got guilty, never does anything wrong, never needs to say sorry for its own abysmal journalism. Dominic Lawson should hang his head in shame.

He made a pact with the devil, just for the wad. And that’s all his own fault.

[UPDATE 1900 hours: not only is Dominic Lawson desperately trying to smear the Guardian to the order of his editor, his research is so selective that it has failed to pick up on the one article that came close to nailing Max Clifford, which was in, to no surprise at all, the Guardian.

The article, entitled "Circus Maximus", by Carole Cadwalladr, contains enough for the reader to be able to join the dots. And what is worse for Lawson and Paul Dacre is that it is dated 23 July 2006 - almost eight years ago. Yet the free and fearless Daily Mail did nothing in the meantime.

Why that should be is to be found in one short paragraph: "The reason, he says, that his sexual exploits were never exposed is because, 'I beat the tabloids at their own game. It was a competition. Another sport... And I won'".

Yes, Clifford bested the tabloids, including the Mail. Only Dacre and his overpaid and under-investigative pundits can't bear to admit it]

Don’t Menshn Sharia Courts

Regular Zelo Street readers will recall the ruckus caused recently over the realisation by the slower learners within the Fourth Estate that there are Sharia and Beth Din tribunals in the UK, and that these comply with the law, offering a system of arbitration for civil matters (there is no question of either ruling on criminal cases). This followed discovery of the Law Society’s Sharia succession guidance on wills.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

The initial commotion had died down, but for Rupe’s downmarket troops at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun, there was an opportunity for a bit of easy Muslim bashing. And so it came to pass that the Sun splashed “Shocking Investigation Into Court’s Preachers ... SHARIA LAW IN THE UK”. And following up, in full howling banshee mode, was former Tory MP Louise Mensch.

“Essential reading in [The Sun] today on the scandal of Shariah courts in UK” she proclaimed. But, as Captain Blackadder might have observed, there was one thing wrong with this assertion – it was bollocks. The Murdoch faithful have not unearthed anything more scandalous than a tribunal failing to note an abusive husband’s restraining order – which, yes, they should have done. Hardly a “scandal”, though.

That cut no ice with Ms Mensch: “The Government promised to reform Sharia binding mediation courts. Now [The Sun] has video of judge condoning rape, domestic violence”. And, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. One, nobody promised anything, and two, those views might be abhorrent, but Sharia tribunals are not ruling on either matter.

This is because they cover only civil matters, and work within existing UK law, despite the Sun and Ms Mensch suggesting otherwise. But she’s off and running: “The Law Society issued advice to solicitors on how to best harm women and children, Government did nothing. Will they now act?” to which the answer is that, no they didn’t, and therefore they won’t.

Can she get any more batshit? You betcha, says Sarah: “Will the Government do ANYTHING now the Sun has exposed Shariah evil? Court ordered [domestic violence] victim to meet abusive husband – despite retraining order”. We appear to be a letter short, but this has been compensated by a spectacular foot in mouth. But seriously, no court should have ordered thus. Point to the Sun.

So what did they do about it? Was there a complaint? Did they notify the law enforcement authorities? In the meantime, another whopper from Louise: “The [Sun] video of state-funded Sharia judges is shocking” she declares. Could we have some evidence for the “state-funded” claim, please? No? Thought not. Ms Mensch will not move her cause further by dispensing whoppers and ranting.

But it will provide excellent spectator sport. So no change there, then.

Red Ed No Compulsion Shock

Once again, the Mail On Sunday has run a headline story that has turned out to consist of much that is not true. “Red Ed: We Will Force You To Get Fit” screams the headline (the press are a bit stuck here with either “Red” or “Odd”, both of which are wearing thin), claiming that there is a revolt in the Labour Party at what is described as a “nanny state plan” for drinkers and smokers.

And, as Captain Blackadder might have observed, there was only one thing wrong with this – it was bollocks. There is no plan to force anyone to do anything, and therefore there is no revolt, as was shown when Chuka Umunna, who is named in the piece, was questioned this morning by Jon Pienaar. So let us see what the MoS has actually got its hands on.

The MoS has generously allowed us to see the whole of their evidence. At first, this appears compelling. But then it becomes clear that this is a paper submitted to the party’s policy review – a review which, one might think, the press are aware of, as senior Shadow Cabinet figures, as well as Miliband himself, have been banging on about it for several months now.

The policy review will then look at submissions and take some forward. But what is contained in the MoS’ apparently damning evidence is not party policy. So the basis of their story is not that this is “Miliband’s plan” (an expression that crops up on a regular basis), but “party thinkers put forward suggestions on a range of issues pertaining to public health”, which moves less newspapers.

And the “ambitions” the paper describes might be thought to have the press’ support: getting more than half the population physically active, bear down on malnutrition, reduce obesity especially in children, helping to reduce the number of smokers, and tackling alcoholism – who isn’t for that? Better for public health, less costly to the NHS, and less costly for the rest of us.

But instead the MoS uses its find as the basis for knocking copy: “Details of the legally enforced health shake-up are revealed in a report to the ‘society’ sub group of the Shadow Cabinet. To stop union leaders and activists finding out about the plans, Mr Miliband gave orders that no minutes were kept”. There are no minutes involved in the submission of a report. And the “legally enforced” is just scaremongering.

But wait, what’s this? “The proposals were backed by Mr Miliband at a meeting with senior Shadow Cabinet Ministers, including Ed Balls, Harriet Harman, Douglas Alexander and Tristram Hunt. They are members of one of three secret policy-making groups set up by Mr Miliband to bypass the Party’s official National Policy Forum”. What meeting? All the MoS has is a copied document. Get out of here.

But that won’t stop the Daily Mail picking up the baton next week.

Rail Nationalisation – The Facts

Over the years, the drive to get more copy out of less staff has meant that many newspapers have dispensed with the services of specialist correspondents. So transport matters, for instance, are left to whoever road-tests the latest cars, or a writer on politics or business. So if the transport mode is not the private car, you can be sure that the specialist knowledge on offer will be minimal.

East Coast trains at pre-refurbishment King's Cross

Into this arena, following a non-controversial reply by Mil The Younger on The Andy Marr Show (tm) this morning has been the Telegraph’s assistant Political Editor Peter “Dominatrix” Dominiczak, to tell horrified Middle Englanders “Ed Miliband, the Labour leader, is forced to deny that he is an 'old-fashioned socialist' after signalling plans to bring railway lines back into public ownership”.

This is good in scaremongering terms, but as factual journalism it does not reach floor-of-budgie-cage standard. Miliband has given no such signal, there are no such plans, and in any case, as I’ve had to point out to the Tel’s scribes previously, the railways are mostly in public ownership already, the last confirmed by the Coalition, after it put the Network Rail (NR) debts on the public balance sheet.

But what about all those private firms running the trains? Ah well. Here again, the reality is that they have little control over the kind of trains they run, or the services provided. Government specifies the franchises down to the smallest detail, including the timetable. Operators can suggest new services; Government can equally tell them to forget it and look after the knitting.

And look at what Miliband actually said: “We are looking at all the options on the railways. We are not going to go back to old-style British Rail ... we have got to recognise that the system at the moment has flaws in it ... There is a balance to be struck here because there are some benefits you can have sometimes from competition ... But we do need to look at how we can have a coherent system”.

Dominiczak has had to resort to some distinctly creative journalism to make that sound like the socialist shock horror his editors have no doubt demanded. All that has been said is that East Coast appears to be performing well under a publicly owned body called Directly Operated Railways (DOR). Other franchises could, by implication, follow suit. The change would hardly be noticeable.

But what certainly is noticeable is the rank ignorance of the Tel’s writers when it comes to this subject: Dominiczak is joined here by Robert Colville, “acting Head of Comment” (one is tempted to ask if that is as in “emphasis on acting”), who also talks of “renationalisation” without having a clue where the industry is right now. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, lads, leave it to those who do.

Nobody is proposing anything remotely matching the Tel’s headlines. End of story.

Charles Moore Paxo Wrong Call

For someone with the journalistic experience of Charles Moore (Eton and Trinity College Cambridge), who has edited both Telegraph titles as well as the Spectator, he does have trouble in getting an accurate handle on his own profession. This has been shown once again in his reaction to the news that BBC Newsnight is soon to part company with The Inquisition Of Pax Jeremiah.

Paxman’s imminent departure has precipitated a dreadfully wrong call from Moore, as he pontificates “The big BBC bully has had his day. It’s time for polite women ... Politicians have changed – the type of inquisition in which Jeremy Paxman specialises on Newsnight doesn’t work any more”. Yeah, right. Like being polite ever got any interviewer to cut through the heavily spun armour of modern politicians.

Moore’s research appears absent: “The BBC badgered for years to be allowed to televise Parliament, but when it finally succeeded, in 1989, it soon relegated its main-channel coverage to a few clips from Prime Minister’s Questions. Quite suddenly, after years of reporting the place assiduously, the corporation lost interest, like Don Juan after a conquest”. Hence BBC Parliament, eh? A dedicated channel.

So where do the women come in? “It is also interesting that it [the inquisitor] is almost always a he. Although women now hold important media positions, the role of inquisitor remains overwhelmingly male. I really do wonder whether people want this any more”. He missed Sue Lawley (his heroine Mrs T didn’t) as well as her modern counterparts like Cathy Newman and Kirsty Wark.

Moore also misses the presence of Laura Kuenssberg at Newsnight, the very programme he is discussing. And he doesn’t get the past generation of inquisitors right either, talking of “the subtle and sympathetic Brian Walden”. Is he out to lunch, or what? Walden was as combative as Paxo, Robin Day, Jon Snow, and the rest. What’s more, John Humphrys, writing in the same paper, disagrees with him.

“How Jeremy Paxman tamed the spin doctors ... Listeners and viewers are not fools, and Paxo helped them spot what was going on” he tells, putting the obvious question “Imagine the interview in which the politician never ducks or dodges a question, never misses an opportunity to attack the opposing party or praise his own leader, and always answers every question”. You can’t. Therefore Paxo.

Humphreys adds “It was worse when they mostly refused point blank to answer questions from grubby hacks at all ... All that changed when broadcasting giants such as Robin Day, Alastair Burnet and Brian Walden challenged the old order and won”. And the likes of Paxo then got through the fog created by the spinners. That is what Moore has wrong – and why there is still a need for the inquisitor.

That will remain the case, whatever the gender of the person asking the questions.

Top Six – May 4

So what’s hot, and what’s not, in the past week’s blogging? Here are the six most popular posts on Zelo Street for the past seven days, counting down in reverse order, because, well, I have to fire up the washing machine later. So there.

6 Max Clifford – Max Sentence How the judge in the trial of the great Cliffus Maximus stuck to the old guidelines but still sent him down for eight years.

5 Toby Young’s Right Wing Bias Slip The loathsome Tobes is looking for a third head teacher in three years for his West London Free School. And he calls the education on offer the same thing as his own political orientation – he’s a Tory Party supporter.

4 Max Clifford – Min Subtlety After the sleb publicist got guilty, the reaction was not backward in coming forward.

3 Patrick Mercer – The Curse Of Bloggerheads After the now former Tory MP for Newark resigned, the first to point out his appetite for scoring lots of extra-Parliamentary money was forgotten. It might be useful for at least one other Tory MP not to lose sight of that.

2 Toby Young’s Latest Smokescreen Tobes, not for the first time, wanted us to look over there. Because there was yet more bad news about the much-vaunted Free Schools programme. And it’s still more than a billion notes over budget.

1 Peaches – Murdoch Bang Out Of Order The Times showed how far it had sunk from a former paper of record by speculating on news from the inquest into the death of Peaches Geldof. And even then, they got it wrong.

And that’s the end of another blogtastic week, blog pickers. Not ‘arf!

UKIP And Border Controls

Every so often, press pundits wake up and smell the coffee. And today, to his eternal credit, the Maily Telegraph’s Benedict Brogan has had a severe attack of observational common sense and told readers at the bear pit that is Telegraph blogs something that should be obvious: border controls between the UK and other EU member states are a severe inconvenience, and about to get worse.

This point was made here on Zelo Street last June, after the mild frustration of getting from Paris CDG to Liverpool in just an hour, only to then have almost half that amount added on by the lame attempt to tell all those rotten foreigners how jolly tough we are on border controls, and that Nigel “Thirsty” Farage is winning his war on the issue by forcing the Coalition to “act tough”.

Brogan appears to have first-hand experience of what happens during holiday periods when things get busy at the Channel Tunnel, and this is one operation that is more user-friendly than most: both countries’ Customs are cleared before boarding, so drivers can go straight from the Shuttle onto Motorway or Autoroute. But even here, the demand to scan every passport can lead to severe delays.

What Brogan has not mentioned are the over-the-top controls imposed on our only international rail link, with airport-length check-in times at St Pancras International, Paris Nord and Brussel Zuid. Paris allows an instructive comparison between our Very Wonderful and Really Tough regime (queues and delays) against Schengen area checks on trains to Belguim, the Netherlands and Germany (neither).

And, as Brogan reports, there is now a move to impose similarly “tough” controls on those departing the UK by whatever means, which will just add time, procedure, queuing and frustration. Is there any point to this? None whatsoever, other than to appear to be “taking back control of our borders”. The Coalition is being frightened into the change by the press’ why-oh-why brigade and UKIP.

Leaving aside the inconvenient fact that the why-oh-why brigade includes Brogan’s own paper, the point is well made: many of those suffering holiday-time horror queues are the better-off and often inherently conservative Brits who the Farage fringe want to get on board. And many of them have previously believed all the guff about our borders somehow not being secure.

Well, now they are about to get what they wished for, while, as Brogan points out, the Schengen countries depend on intelligence-led policing. Farage must wonder what he has to do to put a foot wrong: many of his candidates are bigots and racists, his flat tax policy would kill the NHS stone dead, and his border control ideas would harm his target demographic the most.

And, what’s worse, we aren’t being kept any more secure as a result.

Toby Young’s Right Wing Bias Slip

The travails of Michael “Oiky” Gove’s Free Schools revolution have continued this past week, with Warwick Mansell’s suggestion that another had been rated “Inadequate” by Ofsted proved true as news emerged that The Hawthorne’s Free School on Merseyside had indeed got the lowest possible rating. And the saga of Oldfield School, in Bath, is, as they say, ongoing.

I wouldn't celebrate just yet if I were you, Tobes

But the most significant news, and potentially most worrying to all those parents in the London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham ambitious for their children, is that there is to be yet another change of head teacher at none other than the West London Free School, the brainchild of the loathsome Toby Young. WLFS opened its doors in 2011. So that’s a third head teacher in three years.

Colour me unconvinced, because I am: this appears to be at least the tenth teacher departure from WLFS since it opened. Moreover, it seems the impression was given by the departing head teacher that his predecessor was still very much involved, despite “moving upstairs”, but he, too, has since departed. Why there is such a high turnover of staff is worrying, but Tobes’ advert for another head is worse.

“The West London Free School is an all-ability secondary school that asks every child to do at least eight academic GCSEs or IGCSEs” it begins. Does this mean “study at least eight subjects to GCSE level”? If so, that is how the text should read. One might have expected the Hon Toby Daniel Moorsom Young, who took a First in PPE at Oxford, to have a more coherent grasp of the English language.

And, as the man said, there’s more: WLFS “takes children from across the local community and gives them a classical liberal education”. Political interference klaxon sounding long and loud on that one. Why so? Tobes, who is an ardent supporter of the Tory Party, describes himself as a “Classical Liberal”. Indeed, the label is another way for the right to reclaim the word “Liberal” for themselves.

Perhaps Tobes is unaware just how loaded that remark is: describing the kind of education on offer at the school over which he presides in the same terms as his political orientation suggests a disturbing and only slightly illegal slanting of the curriculum. No sensible school administrator should even suggest such a move. Did he not get someone else to read through the advert before placing it?

And that is not an isolated slip: Tobes tells that the successful candidate will “Be committed to a classical liberal education” (mind you, he also wants the new head to have “flare [sic] and dynamism”). Perhaps, in the interests of clarity and openness, Tobes would like to explain his choice of an expression that means “right-wing” when it comes to the kind of job from which that sort of thing should be absent.

Then he can also explain why there is such a high turnover of staff. We’re waiting.

GMB – Mail Makes It Up

Like nature, the press abhors a vacuum. There are newspapers and websites to fill, and so there must be content. There are also agendas to push. The result? If there is no actual news available, it just gets made up anyway, or on the flimsiest of pretexts. This takes us back to ITV’s new breakfast offering Good Morning Britain, which is back in the news because the press decrees that it should be.

WARNING: This sight offends Daily Mail editors

Actually, make that just one paper: to no surprise at all, the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre and his obedient hackery at the Daily Mail have gone after GMB, and more specifically presenter Susanna Reid, on the basis of two totally fictitious premises: one, that she has become desperate to improve the show’s ratings, and two, that there is disharmony between her and one of her new colleagues.

Why that should be I will leave until later, but let’s look at the excuses that underpin the Mail’s attack. After having all GMB’s four presenters papped on arrival at work – which revealed little, except that the programme’s transport provider runs a fleet of Mercs – it was left to the Daily Star, and the creative journalism of showbiz man Nigel Pauley, who can’t count (she’s got three sons, not two), but spins well.

“GMB, which launched on Monday with 800,000 viewers, has been shedding 100,000 a day, plunging to just 600,000 on Wednesday” told Nige, not letting readers know that it added another 140,000 the next day. So what happened next? “With the ITV show’s audience switching off in droves, presenter Susanna hitched her dress a little higher to show off more of her shapely pins”.

Yeah, right. This is, let us not drive this one around the houses too much, complete and steaming bovine by-product of the most pungent kind, but the seed had been planted, and Mail Online was away. “Susanna Reid accused of showing off her pins in increasingly shorter outfits to help boost Good Morning Britain ratings” howled the headline, before readers were told how to buy an outfit like it.

So there’s the first false premise. And today has come the second: “The vicar's daughter stealing the show from ITV's £400,000 Susanna Reid - and her shrinking skirts”. Yes, the first whopper has now become the accepted wisdom, and is added to a wholesome tale about Charlotte Hawkins. This is then inflated to become full-blown rivalry, and Ms Hawkins is asserted to be winning this imaginary battle.

Then comes the dark hint: “there are already whispers about some tinkering with the format”. D’you know what, Dacre doggies, I’ll let you into a secret: whatever it entails, it won’t include Roland Rat. And the reason for the Mail’s attack on Ms Reid? Dacre has decreed that she’s too ambitious and needs pulling down a peg or two. He has decided that she is not a suitable example to put before Daily Mail Readers.

So here’s hoping the ratings start improving. Dacre should have retired last year.

Max Clifford – Max Sentence

And so it came to pass that the great Cliffus Maximus arrived at court to be sentenced on a number of sexual assault charges, on which, earlier in the week he had got guilty. There was much talk of the judge being unable to impose the kind of term that the 2003 legislation allows, because of the offences’ historic context. So he may not have been expecting what happened next.

Eh? It says here that I'm doing a stretch!

Because trial Judge Anthony Leonard had a nasty surprise in store: the delay in victims coming forward was laid firmly at Clifford’s door. “I judge that you were largely responsible for the delay in the victims coming forward and ought not to benefit from it ... the reason why they were not brought to light sooner is because of your own dominant character and your position in the world of entertainment”.

Worse, he was reminded of the severity of what he had done: “some of the sexual acts of which you have now been found guilty would now be charged as rape or assault by penetration for each of which Parliament has laid down a maximum term of life imprisonment”. Then there was Clifford’s demeanour during the trial, including his trivialising its reporting by mimicking a reporter after he had been found guilty.

Judge Leonard talked of “your public denials before trial, the reports of your attitude during trial – laughing and shaking your head in the dock at the accusations made against you ... you appeared behind a reporter outside this court whilst he was making his report of your evidence and during which you mimicked his actions in a way that was designed to trivialise these events. I find your behaviour to be quite extraordinary and a further indication that you show no remorse”.

Then the Judge passed sentence, and here was the real twist in the tail: in only two cases were sentences to run concurrently. In most cases, they were to run consecutively, which means that they were added together. By this means – quite properly applied at the Judge’s discretion – terms that on their own were of no more than 24 months, when totted up came to eight years’ imprisonment.

Clifford will go on the sex offenders’ register for life, with all the restrictions that entails, but his main concern could well be whether he tastes freedom ever again. He is 71 years old, has been treated recently for prostate cancer, and sentencing guidelines mean he must spend at least four years in prison.

But what is clear from the Judge’s conclusions is that there is only one person who should take the blame for Max Clifford’s fall from grace, and that is him. He has no business deflecting, or blaming others. And he should reflect on the way the victims’ evidence tallied to paint a picture of consistent and aggressive behaviour towards young and often vulnerable women.

Yes, there goes Max Clifford. On his way ... out.

Jeremy Clarkson – Pants On Fire

After loose-tongued Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was caught on camera dropping what sounded like the N-Word, his reaction was to claim that he hadn’t said it: “I did not use the n-word. Never use it. The Mirror has gone way too far this time”. But the video released by the Mirror suggested he did say it. So, overnight, the line has changed, and he has ‘fessed up.

Wonder if I should just keep quiet for once?

Sadly, this came too late for the Daily Mail’s print deadline, and so the contribution of unfunny and tedious churnalist Richard Littlejohn appeared in this morning’s paper, a victim of events. In it, Dicky Windbag comes running – or perhaps that should be waddling – to the aid of Jezza, as it is claimed “Did Clarkson really use the N-word? No, says RICHARD LITTLEJOHN”.

Dick smears the Mirror, the speech analyst who checked out the tape, anyone at the BBC who leaked what appears to have been an out-take, and of course anyone who does not agree with Himself Personally Now. But here a problem enters: “At this point, it is customary to make a full disclosure: as regular readers know, Clarkson is an old friend of mine”. There’s no surprise for you.

And that doesn’t stop him moaning “His jealous enemies within the BBC are even reduced to sifting through discarded footage in the edit suite’s digital dustbin for ‘evidence’ to use against him. Pathetic. They must be really proud of themselves. Predictably, the ‘anti-racism’ professionals and the usual collection of social inadequates on Twitter want Clarkson’s head on a pikestaff”. Whatever.

In any case, Dicky Windbag was too late: “In a video statement posted online, on Thursday, [Clarkson] said that he had tried to obscure the word when reciting the ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe’ nursery rhyme to chose between two cars, but that his efforts to do so ‘weren't quite good enough’” which means he now admits to having said it. The curse of Littlejohn strikes again.

And what Dicky Windbag will not want to hear is that the hated BBC is taking a dim view: “Jeremy Clarkson has set out the background to this regrettable episode. We have made it absolutely clear to him, the standards the BBC expects on air and off. We have left him in no doubt about how seriously we view this”. What may make it more serious is that Jezza has fallen into the same trap as Bozza.

Boris Johnson got the sack not for what he did, but for lying about it. Clarkson’s first move was to claim he hadn’t done something, only for the video to surface and demonstrate that he had. Pa Broon once admonished Damian McBride by telling him “It’s the lie that gets you”. Jeremy Clarkson was too busy ridiculing him to take any notice. And now the lie could be about to get him.

Nobody, but nobody, is irreplaceable. Clarkson may be the latest to find that out.

Nadine’s Novel’s Negligible Numbers

She may have revelled in participating in “reality television”, but when it comes to the reality of sales figures, Mid Bedfordshire’s Tory MP (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries is not a happy bunny. Her debut novel, The Four Streets, which attracted some less than complimentary reviews, has been the subject of relentless promotion, not least by Herself Personally Now, but seemingly to no avail.

One look at Amazon tells you all you need to know: the paperback version is already out there, less than a month after the hard cover premiered. A hardback copy can be had for £3.99. And the Kindle version is now going at 20p a throw, which means that author and publisher are not exactly raking in the dosh, and suggests that demand for the product is not exactly buoyant.

With this background, a report in the International Business Times titled “Conservative MP Nadine Dorries' Novel The Four Streets Fails to Rack up Sales” should have come as no surprise. The article goes on “Television appearances and interviews with various media outlets, as well inundating her social media followers with constant updates, has not helped the book's faltering sales”.

This analysis did not find favour with the fragrant Nadine: “Major supermarket has re-ordered twice in two weeks, it’s 20 on Amazon Kindle UK, 4 in Australia. Are you paid to lie?” she snarked. Well, if anyone was suffering an incendiary trouser situation, it wasn’t the IB Times. In any case, none of what Ms Dorries asserts deals in absolute numbers, rather than hints and comparisons.

Fortunately, Andy McSmith has those numbers: “Nadine Dorries has been assiduous in promoting her new novel, The Four Streets. It is the first in a projected series of three for which her publishers, Head of Zeus, reportedly paid a six-figure advance. Now, three weeks after the book first appeared in the shops and on Amazon, the sales figures are in four digits. At the latest count, it has sold 1,154 copies”.

Ouch! Is that a misprint? Well, no it isn’t: usvsth3m has also pitched that figure, and observed “It seems that, as fiction-writing MPs and former MPs go, she’s certainly no Jeffrey Archer, or Louise Mensch/Bagshawe”. Double Ouch! Triple Ouch! The feature notes “It’s a shame that her clear aptitude for fictional blogging doesn’t translate into a similar flair for novel-length prose”.

So it looks like The Four Streets is heading for the remainder bin, and Head of Zeus for a significant loss, and with two more books still to come. Meanwhile, back at the day job, Zelo Street hears rumblings from Mid Bedfordshire suggesting grassroots discontent with the behaviour of their MP. With a General Election coming up next year, one has to wonder if she has her priorities right.

More fun news from planet Dorries is anticipated in the near future. Stay tuned!

Clarkson And A N-N-N-Nightmare

All too often, casual racism is explained away by saying that “it’s only banter”, that anyone likely to hear it “won’t be offended”, that some of the author’s best friends are from an ethnic minority, and in any case, where’s your sense of humour? King of the laddish faction in such matters is Jeremy Clarkson, professional slob of no fixed waistline, who is inexplicably still hosting Top Gear.

"Fired"? Hmmm, that's an interesting word

What is also important to bear in mind is that Clarkson, in addition to his presentational duties at the BBC, is also a columnist for Rupe’s downmarket troops at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun. The symmetry of this arrangement leads to the Murdoch press turning a blind eye to his foot-in-mouth moments, whereas the Mirror has no compunction in giving him both barrels.

And so it came to pass that previously unscreened footage was unearthed, showing The Great Man in the act of choosing between two similarly priced cars, the Toyota GT86 and Subaru BRZ. Clarkson starts off with “Eeny, meeny, miny, mo”, then starts to mumble his way through the next two lines. But on the Mirror’s video he can be clearly heard saying “catch a n***** by his toe”.

That this was unacceptable is merely reinforced by the finished version of the show, in which he has replaced n***** with “Teacher”. So, even if Jezza didn’t know that it was wrong, someone else certainly did. And, to make things worse, Clarkson has tried to suggest he didn’t say it: “I did not use the n-word. Never use it. The Mirror has gone way too far this time”.

This latest slice of “only banter, where’s your sense of humour” comes after Jezza revealed that he had named his black West Highland Terrier after footballer Didier Drogba, and inappropriately used the work “slope” at a time when it appeared to have been directed at an Asian man (the word is a derogatory reference to Asian people, especially in Australia).

So, apart from the Murdoch press, where else is this story not being reported? Well, at the BBC, for one, and with good reason: although the Corporation has deployed a straight bat and responded with “We've seen the story. The Mirror didn't approach us before publication. Clearly we will establish the facts before commenting”, there are commercial considerations in play here.

Top Gear is BBC2’s top rating show. The spin-offs, notably the marketing of the programme to many other English-speaking countries’ broadcasters, bring in additional revenue. But there has to be a point where Clarkson’s inability to exist in the 21st Century outweighs the benefits. Even his co-presenter James May concedes that Jezza is a “massive bellend”.

The time must surely be approaching when the BBC chooses to bite the bullet.

Don’t Menshn Paxo

After 25 years on Newsnight, the end is in sight for The Inquisition Of Pax Jeremiah: Paxman will leave the BBC’s current affairs show at the end of June. “I have decided it is time to move on from Newsnight”, he told. “This was a decision I reached - and informed the BBC of - last July. I shall work out the remainder of my contract and will not seek another”. Very LBJ of him.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

For many, Newsnight and Paxman are synonymous. To go back to the time before he arrived at the programme is to see a world where Mrs T was still in 10 Downing Street, the Tory Party was not riven with dissent over the EU, and hardly anyone had heard of the World Wide Web. So his departure is a time for reflection, speculation on the future, and a side order of sheer stupidity.

That last is because, sticking her bugle in from across the North Atlantic, has been (thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch, who, as usual, knows more about this subject than everyone else. “Ian Katz, yes you, crap Guardianista one-sided view Newsnight, just lost us Paxman. Monumental fail” she howled, to no avail, as Katz has a life and doesn’t do responses to professional trolls.

But Ms Mensch’s high regard for Paxo is clear, as she pleads “Please [Sajid Javid] – please can Jeremy Paxman be made Director General of the BBC. He was born to do it”. Yes, a former MP believes that the Culture Secretary has it in his gift to appoint the DG. That’s a truly magnificent slice of stupidity, as well as a blindingly false assumption. The DG is first and foremost an administrator.

Paxo is a formidable journalist and interrogator of politicians, but whether he would like anything to do with all the organisational politics is doubtful. And in any case, is Newsnight broadcast Stateside? Er, no: in response to some memorable clips being signposted, she replied “made me REALLY homesick actually. Nearly cried. Paxman is a bloody great Englishman”. Try “truly” great, eh?

One watcher of this gushing tribute was unimpressed. “Oh pur-lease” exclaimed Piers Morgan, eliciting “you’re jealous, Piers, as well you might be” from Ms Mensch. Well, Morgan has not done the heavyweight political interviews that Paxman has made his stock in trade. But then, Paxo has never had to deal with the likes of Larry Pratt (gun lobby apologist and professional liar of no fixed principle).

And then came a moment of stupidity to put the cherry on Ms Mensch’s stupid cake, as she excused Paxo sneering at having to do the weather forecast by gushing “sneering was utterly brilliant, and far more effective than a refusal. Legend”. Yeah, disregard everything else, cos he’s a LEG-URND! Like Boris, perhaps? With the support of Ms Mensch, Paxo is in no need of enemies.

The level of stupidity and unintentional hilarity is unceasing. Ideal Murdoch material.

Peaches – Murdoch Bang Out Of Order

[Update at end of post]

Y’know, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, the Times was the country’s premier paper of record. It sat far above lesser titles like the Telegraph in the public’s esteem. It was the true gold standard of journalism. What was printed in its pages, as Dubya Bush might have said, you could take to the bank. Then one day, the Times was sold to Rupert Murdoch.

Yes you, ya bladdy drongo

And so began the slow and certain decline of this once great paper, until today the Times is just another partisan right-leaning repository of tat. Well-written tat, of that there is no doubt, and tat printed using that same Times New Roman typeface, but tat all the same. For those who may have doubted this sad reality, this morning’s edition of the once great Thunderer will put them straight.

All the news that's not fit to print

What is the centrepiece of this upstanding, erudite, highbrow publication’s offering this fine day? It is, let us not drive this one around the houses for too long, an act of blatant intrusion into the grief suffered by the family of a now dead 25 year old mother of two. A large photo and the caption “Peaches Geldof died of heroin overdose” is all you need to know about how far the Times has fallen.

Spot the difference ... first edition of the Sun ...

There is, as yet, no confirmation of this claim, as the expected announcement of toxicology tests at the inquest will not come until later today. But Times hacks could not bear to pass up the chance of scoring a few more sales, and so any idea of showing the scantest of respect to this young woman’s memory was, along with adherence to the PCC code, sent straight out of the window.

... and the second edition

And that this disease has infected the rest of the Dirty Digger’s repellent media cesspit has been confirmed as the Sun’s original front page – an exclusive about missing children featuring Kate McCann – has been revised so that readers can be told “Peaches: It Was Heroin”. So that’s millions more who don’t need to know, but have it rammed down their throats anyway.

The obsession of the Fourth Estate with celebrity is one of those things that has gained acceptance, as papers become ever more desperate to keep up sales, despite the actual journalism on offer declining over time in favour of advertorial, astroturfing, and the plainly incestuous lifting of everyone else’s copy, being the means of filling pages and satisfying advertisers.

But the obsession of the Murdoch press is infinitely creepier: not just slebs, but dead slebs. This is not the first instance: not long ago the Sun carried its infamous Reeva Steenkamp “Phwoarr, she’s hot – and she’s dead” front page. There is no possible justification for such stories. Any editor with a shred of principle would not touch them with the proverbial bargepole. So what the hell is the Times playing at?

This is bang out of order. But what is worse is that it will keep on happening.

[UPDATE 1520 hours: now that the news which the Times reported prematurely has been released, there is a further problem for Rupe's supposedly upmarket troops: what has been said does not match what they have published.

As the BBC has reported, "At a brief inquest in Gravesend, Det Ch Insp Paul Fotheringham, told the hearing: 'Recent use of heroin and the levels identified were likely to have played a role in her death'." That is not the same thing as an overdose having definitely caused it.

She had the drug in her system. But that does not justify the headline, on top of the insensitive and premature release of the story just to make a fast buck. This is dreadfully bad journalism - end of story]