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Monday 27 May 2024

Carry On Conscription

Your party is more than 20 points adrift in the polls. MPs are in open revolt over your decision to call a General Election without keeping them in the loop. Many of those MPs have decided not to stand at the election. You need to avert an imminent and historic wipeout. What would a sensible and pragmatic leader have done? What would Nietzsche have done?


Sadly for his party, Rishi Sunak does not operate on such a lofty intellectual plateau. And so it came to pass that the amateur Prime Minister, having been ambushed by the media during a pointless visit to Belfast’s Titanic Quarter - the Tories do not field any candidates in Northern Ireland - he doubled down on his not-telling-his-MPs-first with a truly wacko policy proposal.

He would, if the Tories were returned to power, introduce National Service. Not the National Service whose last intake was in 1960, and which was lampooned in the first Carry On film Carry On Sergeant, you understand. This would be different, promoting a “shared sense of purpose among our young people and a renewed sense of pride in our country”. Yeah, right.

So what would Sunak’s plan entail? “The proposed new scheme would not be conscription, where people are legally required to join the armed forces for a period. But it would compel people by law to complete a community programme over a 12-month period, or enrol in a year-long military training scheme, when they turn 18”. And where did this bright idea originate?

It seems to have emerged from another of those alleged “think tanks”, called Onward, whichhas been described as ‘close to Rishi Sunak's Downing Street’. It was founded in 2018 by Will Tanner, Martyn Rose, and Neil O'Brien. The think tank's advisory board is chaired by Daniel Finkelstein. The founders state that Onward would operate in the mainstream of conservative politics, and is a reaction to the ‘lack of energy on the centre right’”.

Sadly, Onward does not appear to have thought through such inconvenient details as how the Tories would pay for this non-starter. As such, they have been ridiculed after it was discovered that the money would have to come from their much-vaunted “levelling up” scheme. And it got worse.


While hapless Home Secretary James Cleverly ruled out criminal sanctions for teenagers who refused to participate in any part of the scheme, saying: "There's no-one going to jail over this", Anne Marie Trevelyan declared that the employment prospects of refuseniks “could be affected”. Cleverly was also asked what kind of community work might be involved.

National Service could be uniformed public services … Special constable … On call fire-fighter … Emergency health responder … Environmental protection … Flood defence work”. In other words, getting actual full-time paid work done on the cheap. Way to shrink the economy, Tories. Worse still, not all Tories are signed up to this scheme. And some are saying so.

Steve Baker, one of those standing and fighting rather than calling it a day, has toldIn that context, before any more policy is announced, I want to be absolutely clear where I stand for the electors of Wycombe: I am for liberty under the rule of law and Parliamentary democracy. History has proven time and time again that liberty under law - not compulsion and planning - is the surest road to peace and prosperity”. Sounds like a No, then.

That’s before the inevitable questions which will come Sunak’s way, like whether his children will be expected to serve. Or maybe he expects to lose and emigrate. Even the slavishly Tory Telegraph has told readers “Young Royals face National Service in Sunak plan”. The press isn’t keen.

And while the Mail has tried to keep up flagging pro-Tory spirits by claiming “Bold scheme will ‘open doors’ for teenagers when applying for jobs and University, says PM”, the Guardian has a message from the military. “Sunak’s National Service plan is ‘bonkers’, says ex-military chief”. The first fruits of his not-really-a-relaunch have already withered and died.

Without Labour having to break sweat. Third party behind the Lib Dems it is.


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22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tricky one, this.

A choice between a far right tory dick head who helps fuel mass murder wars on the other side of the world...... and a far right tory hypocritical Zionist-without-qualification puppet who wants to continue the same genocide.

Hmmmmm....

Burlington Bertie from Bow said...


Your trouble, Tim, is you don't appreciate a bold idea from a bold PM who's not afraid to take the tough decisions on boldness because that's the kind of PM he is: a bold one.

You'd prefer to let Labour take us back to square one as far as boldness goes: ie not bold at all.

Anonymous said...

Blurted out to excite right wing boomers, obsessed as they are with fictional notions of 'feckless' youth, this had all the hallmarks of a 'Boris' moment. Unlike the blond haired berk though, Sunak hasn't an army of slavish hacks hanging on his every word, and willing to peddle any outburst as 'gold' no matter how nonsensical. Bridge to Ireland anyone? The military have repeatedly rejected the idea of national service, on cost, diversion of funds desperately needed elsewhere, and sheer practicality grounds. But what do they know eh? Compared to our mighty leader they are but dust beneath his feet...

Anonymous said...

"Think tank"....read: far right propaganda unit.

"Centre-right"....read: far right hypocrisy.

James said...

People do need to have more pride in their communities, however, such a program could start with schools and continuing with college, with incentives to encourage and maintain cohesion, for example, a local "Keep ----- Tidy" fostering disdain for people littering and fly tipping.

An armed forces conscription though....given that our nation is currently being a poodle again to America and is now complicit in aiding Israel ? People will be rebelling due to their consciences and not wanting to engage in genocide. If I were a young person, I would be telling them to get stuffed and go %^@@@ themselves.

Anonymous said...

That's the trouble with Roland Rat, he's not 'radical' enough. Everyone in Essex knows Britain won't be great again until we bring back hanging, rickets and workhouses. But Keef will restore 'em. Did you know his dad was a toolmaker and he never had emotional space?

Mike said...

Thanks to Tim for the sleuthing on the background to this 'policy'.

I recall this being frequently discussed in the 1970's with support from (civiian) Tories who hoped a 'short sharp shock' of intense military service would generate a right wing youth, converting them from University indoctrinated Marxist ideology. Social engineering, in short.

Non civilian Tory officers were rather more skeptical. Conscripts were reluctant, evasive skivers who absorbed military resources which even then were in short supply. They cost a fortune to train, and left in droves as soon as they were even part combat ready. And worst of all they didn't change their political stripe: you ended up with a left wing army (considered an existential threat).

If the USA wants the UK to expand its auxilary force it had better cough up a shedload of dollars to pay for it. Besides, we couldn't afford the 200,000 extra prison places to cope with refuseniks. They can pay for that too.

Anonymous said...

Yes, and, um, yes.

Anonymous said...

I'm not taking the piss with this.

On BBC TV "News" Starmer just told a standard Beeb Uriah Heep clerk that he, Starmer, is "a Socialist".

Thus again proving there is no lie he will not tell, no craven bullshit he will not peddle in his attempt to deceive people.

Like the blue version, he has no moral sensibility whatever. A thoroughly disgusting individual.

Mark Hayhurst said...

Careful anon, for pointing out this perfectly valid fact you'll be accused, by Bertie, of wanting five more years of the tories.

If you can't point out lies when the party is 20 plus points ahead then when can you?

Anonymous said...

I wonder how this would go down in West Belfast, South Armagh, the Bogside, Ardoyne, East Tyrone and other Nationalist/ Republican areas in N.Ireland? Like a bucket of cold sick probably.

Mr Larrington said...

Embarrassingly for Sunk, Andrew Murrison stated in Parliament on May 23rd:

“The Government has no current plans to reintroduce National Service. Since 1963, when the last national servicemen were discharged, it has been the policy of successive Governments that the best way of providing for the defence of our country is by maintaining professional Armed Forces staffed by volunteers. The demanding, increasingly technical, nature of defence today is such that we require highly trained, professional men and women in our Regular and Reserve Armed Forces, fully committed to giving their best in defending our country and its allies.

If potentially unwilling National Service recruits were to be obliged to serve alongside the professional men and women of our Armed Forces, it could damage morale, recruitment and retention and would consume professional military and naval resources. If, on the other hand, National Service recruits were kept in separate units, it would be difficult to find a proper and meaningful role for them, potentially harming motivation and discipline. For all these reasons, there are no current plans for the restoration of any form of National Service.”

https://questions-statements.parliament.uk/written-questions/detail/2024-05-15/26391

Anonymous said...

He's peddled this BS before. Apparently he's 'soft left', whatever that means. The only 'socialist' Starmer has any meaningful association with wore brown out of season..

Burlington Bertie from Bow said...

Valid fact, Mark Hayhurst? Yet again you miss the point completely.
Leaving aside that Anon’s boilerplate indignation seems to assume that ‘socialist’ has one simple and undisputed meaning, he doesn’t make clear what actually happened. Starmer was *asked* whether he was a socialist, again with no attempt by the questioner to define his terms. Starmer could answer yes or no.

Two things to hold in your mind, Mark:
1. Nobody in their right mind imagines for one minute that Starmer is a socialist, however defined.
2. The word ‘socialist’ has such power and symbolism within the Labour party that to have answered ‘no’ would have caused both genuine and performative outrage and had a negative impact on the support he depends on in his election campaign.

So, guess what? Starmer lied.

And another thing I’ll let you and Anonymous in on: Starmer is a politician. I’m sure that, unlike you and Anonymous, most people’s idea of politicians is not so naïve that they would see Starmer’s claim as proof that, in Anonymous’s ridiculous bit of 19 th century Methodist pulpit sermonising, ‘he has no moral sensibility and is a thoroughly disgusting individual’.
‘Pointing out lies’ by a politician is akin to excitedly ‘discovering’ that WAGs are often cosmetically enhanced.

In this election there are two viable options. One or the other will win. If you think that the 2010 Conservative victory over what was a no-less-right-wing Labour party made no difference to life in this country over the last 14 years then go ahead, carry on whingeing, stay at home on election day and, if you’re lucky, enjoy that 2019, 2016, 2015, 2010 and 1992 morning-after feeling all over again.

Personally, I’ll be holding my nose when voting in July but that’s what I’ve been doing all my life. There’s never been a (non-pacifist) socialist option and I’m not naïve enough to imagine there ever will be in this country.

We are where we are, as Voltaire might well have said. The Conservative party doesn’t suffer many humiliating defeats at UK general elections. Grit your teeth and try to enjoy this one.

Anonymous said...

People have red lines Bertie, and they are allowed to have them.

Hold your nose but, when Labour have such a lead, if you miss this chance now to vote for your preferred option, knowing it can do little damage to your compromise choice, I think you're missing out to be honest.

Mark is shock horror, right. And so is anonymous.

Anonymous said...

The Binky Bullshit Condenser, a corner shop Obadiah Sedgwick: Give up. Surrender. Wave the white flag. Stick in the Tory mud.

A metal clamp on the nose couldn't keep out the corrupt stink of the Starmer gang.

Burlington Bertie from Bow said...


Thanks, Anonymous 15.14, but my local alternatives are just as compromised and unappealing and I've seen too many unassailable leads get royally assailed by the time the results come in on election day.

If you've followed his form here, you'll know that Hayhurst's guiding political principle is to bitch at me. He never actually makes any points about anything other than the fact that he's written plays.

As for Anonymous in Perpetuum, he exists in a naive dream world where the untested achieve an impotent sainthood and those who have to try and succeed in the imperfect and compromised world of reality are eternally damned for their frailty.
His is the easiest and laziest of positions, truly an 'infantile disorder'.

Anonymous said...

Rather an 'infantile disorder' that wants rid of corrupt politicians than a mentality that wants to keep them in place.

Burlington Bertie from Bow said...


Facing reality is not acceptance of it and refusal to accept it seems to me to be simply howling at the moon.

Anonymous said...

11:48.

Yeah, that's the kind of far right "reality" created in blue and red tory party HQ and the Barbie PR Agency.

The same kind of mugs believe it who believe in Santa Claus, Thatcher, Trump, Bliar/Brown, Biden and the Starmer/Reeves Quislings. The kind of useful ale-house idiots who believe in this far right racist capitalist "Utopia".

Which is why this "election" is a charade of bullshit, lies and hypocrisy fit only for gullibles, morons and propagandists. The perpetrators laugh at them all, take the money and run. Which is why Britain is now only a racist Muppet Show run from Washington.

It gets worse each day. THAT is the reality.

Burlington Bertie from Bow said...


What a dreary, hopeless, bleak life you must lead, Anonymous. Still, it'll soon be over (the election that is)

Thougyhts and prayers etc.

Anonymous said...

12:57.

Gosh. Such AWFUL spelling.

-12/10. Sinking fast. Special measures required.