This is my article here, and as you can see, it's total shite
The fawning and indeed sycophantic side came with the kind of headline that the Tel of old would have spiked well before publication. "Seven questions that go through your mind when you first see the Cambridges’ Christmas card … Knees! Camel seats! A giant golden ball! It’s safe to say none of those were on our Royal festive photo bingo list”.
Wills and Kate get the full grovel, which was not always so, but has been guaranteed since the Tel joined the We Hate Haz And Megs club, especially with the Mail on Sunday having comprehensively lost in its latest court appearance, and facing the prospect of having to publish a prominent front page “clarification” as a result.
Which brings us to the Tel’s alleged “Associate Editor” Camilla Tominey, who increasingly gives the impression of not merely being jealous of Megs, but obsessed with it. “Work-shy Britain only cares about ‘me, me, me’” she begins, only to lapse into embittered specifics with the sub-heading “Prince Harry is emblematic of a culture in which ‘wellbeing’ is put ahead of a hard day’s work”. Then comes her one and only joke (apart from herself).
“In their bid to become 2021’s answer to John Lenin and Woko Ono, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have said some pretty irritating things in recent months”. WOKO ONO!! Geddit?!?!? Laugh? I thought I’d never start. Or, as Peter Cook once told Dudley Moore, “that’s good, that, you ought to be on the radio with stuff like that”.
Sadly, after that attempt at levity, it’s back to the dirge of bitterness: “the gospel according to Harry and Meghan plumbed ‘progressive’ new depths this week with the prince’s declaration that people should leave careers that are damaging to their mental health …The suggestion came in an interview with Fast Company magazine to promote Harry’s role as ‘chief impact officer’ for BetterUp”. For which he is being paid rather well.
Too well for Ms Tominey: “Harry is apparently being paid a ‘seven-figure sum’ by this San Francisco-based startup. Nice ‘work’ if you can get it”. As opposed to the “work” done by publicly throwing petulant mardy strops in the pages of the Tel, and being paid handsomely for it, despite not being arsed to do even the most basic of research.
Such as this line: “I’ve always lived my life by the words of that great philosopher Eddie Stobart, who once famously said, probably in a layby somewhere off the A17: ‘The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary’”. Eddie Stobart, who gave his name to the well-known business, would never have been found in such a location. The haulage business was built up by his son Edward. And that quote was coined by Vince Lombardi.
So Haz has managed to get his hands on a bigger paycheque than Ms Tominey. But she deserves your sympathy, because “my Baby Boomer of a Dad is still slaving away well beyond retirement age, at 75”. Which, in the retelling, with also be the Sussexes’ fault.
Our media class still does embittered, entitled and overpaid so well. Sad, really.
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