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Sunday 30 December 2018

Julia Hartley Dooda’s Considerably Richer Than Yow

For some of those who went into rant mode at the sight of London’s Gatwick Airport brought to a standstill by the alleged flying of drones within the airfield’s perimeter, there was no reason for the frothing other than that they believed they knew better than everyone else. But for one obscenely overpaid pundit, there was an additional reason: she needed to get away at Christmas. And indulge in a little Conspicuous Consumption.
To no surprise at all, the pundit jetting away, very expensively and very publicly, was self-promotion specialist Julia Hartley Brewer, still inexplicably employed as a breakfast show host by Murdoch outlet TalkRADIO. Not for her a holiday in Spain, Portugal or Italy - how common, eh? - but a long haul flight at an expensive time of year to show that she was considerably richer than all those mugs who believe her schtick.
And just to make sure everyone knew she was going off by plane, there was a suitably snarky message to trigger her more easily led fans. “So happy to be heading to the airport and getting a break from this nonsense for a bit... #TakeABreakCaroleLuv”. Another who has problems with proper investigative journalism. No further comment necessary.
One day later came “Anyone got any spare baubles for my Christmas tree?” Look everyone, I’M HERE, it’s VERY WARM and also VERY EXPENSIVE! Got that?
Following that came “How early is too early to start on the cocktails on Christmas Day? Asking for a friend”. Look, I’M HAVING EXPENSIVE DRINKSH, because I CAN.
So where had Ms Hartley Dooda rocked up? “Meroy X mas & Happi Vew Yean from Thailand... Hope you have a good one with the people you love most”. Look, I’M IN THAILAND which is VERY EXPENSIVE but the dopey locals CAN’T DO ENGLISH!
These foreigners ought to know their place, eh? But it was a really EXPENSIVE and EXCLUSIVE getaway, and just to rub it in, there was a view familiar to aficionados of arguably the Worst Bond Film Ever. “Quiz time: name the film AND the island”. Thanks, I walked past a far more exclusive Bond film location just a few weeks ago in Lisbon*. And OHMSS was a far better film, if only because it didn’t have Roger Moore hamming it up.
Correct answers: The Man With The Golden Gun. And the small outcrop island is called Ko Ta Pu - NOT Khao Phing Kan, which is the island where I am in this pic”. Look everyone, don’t I look WONDERFUL? Er, no: the lyrics from Frank Zappa’s What’s The Ugliest Part Of Your Body come to mind. But she wasn’t finished yet.
Looking at Twitter from the other side of the world, you all seem very angry. Anyone fancy a snorkel to cheer yourself up? We’ve spotted two of these 1 metre long zebra moray eel beauties on our reef”. Look everyone, I’ve done something VERY EXCLUSIVE!
And she’s still at it today. Or was that yesterday? “Well, alright, if you insist. #GetInTheSea”.  Getting in the sea is so EXCLUSIVE here. Because I’ve gone somewhere VERY EXPENSIVE. That is BEYOND YOU PLEBS. It must be hell being so self-absorbed. Until the taxman catches up with her. Here’s hoping.

* Joalharia Ferreira Marques Filhos. Where Bond buys Tracy her wedding ring.
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Yuan Traveller said...

Spare a thought for others who, due to no fault of their own, have to put up with a mouthy, opinionated bore on a lengthy flight and at hotels, restaurants, bars and beaches. If it was an organised tour, fellow travellers should request a refund.

Billsmells said...

Michael Stipe from REM once said "I believe in the theory that anyone can get laid, it's just a matter of lowering your standards!".

Clearly the same rings true for making money.

Anonymous said...

She might bump into "Robinson" investigating organised Western white sex and paedophilia tourism......