Vanity Of The Flannelled Fool

[Update at end of post]

Twitter avatars and backgrounds are very much a personal thing: the image used for Zelo Street – background story HERE – is down to it being a favourite photo. Media blogs like Press Not Sorry, Tabloid Watch and Angry Mob use avatars that relate to their particular speciality. Tim Ireland at Bloggerheads uses his trademark turtle (now with “Police Aware” sticker – don’t ask).

Where are the photos of us?

No such subtlety, though, is allowed to enter in the world of the flannelled fool Henry Cole, tame gofer to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, this less than dynamic duo combining to form the Laurel and Hardy of the blogosphere. For avatar and background, the appallingly vain Cole uses only one subject, which is Himself Personally Now.

Brief sight of Hideus Maximus

Zelo Street readers can see an example of this shameless self promotion right here, but should be warned that not only may some viewers find such images distressing, but also be reassured that this grotesque sight is most unlikely to be shown again. One does, after all, have standards to maintain. And those standards include leaving ignorance and dishonesty to others (guess who?).

Trouble smelling his worms

Indeed, Cole bases his attack on the Trade Union movement – as previously noted, he is the one running the so-called Trade Union Reform Campaign (TURC) – on his ignorance of it. Yesterday he upbraided CWU Midlands Region Learning Project Worker Steve Ratcliffe with “I will not take lectures from a man who takes public money to agigtate [sic]”. Ratcliffe would be in trouble if he did “agitate” (he doesn’t).

Smearing stick joins rattle out of pram time

The Cole ignorance extends to one of the UK’s major transport networks: his latest feeble hurling of abuse at Zelo Street is to call me “some looney [sic] trainspotter”, which is code for yet another gaping hole in his knowledge. That this blog has taken apart his dubiously talented pals at the so-called Taxpayers’ Alliance whenever they put out knocking copy on HS2 does not seem to enter.

And it gets worse: in a weak attempt at attribute transfer, Cole, sitting there alone slaving away for Staines – who has swanned off to one of his two other homes – has lashed out at me as a “creepy, repetitive, obsessive loner”. This will cause such a shock to anyone who has encountered me recently that there will be, er, convulsive laughter from the south coast through London to the north west and beyond.

It's only a coincidence ...

But I’m glad to be able to report that the solitary Cole has had someone to keep him company this afternoon: the council Health and Safety rep turned up unannounced and woke him up. Sadly, the premises came up short on five areas. It was, of course, just a coincidence that the inspection came after he has been laying in to those in public service. Wasn’t it?

I’m sure the rep was really impressed by Henry “I’ve been on telly, me” Cole. Not.

[UPDATE 1845 hours: since this item was posted, Cole has descended into paranoia, Tweeting "reassure everyone of your sanity by tipping off health and safety inspectorate of people you obsessively write about online". Yes, he now believes that I sent the council round to his office this afternoon.

But then, he expects others to believe that he isn't running the TURC. And he expects everyone to believe all the guff he writes for the Fawkes blog. Maybe they really are coming to get him]

The Virgin Smearers

The modus operandi of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre and his obedient hackery, when any public figure takes a view of which they disapprove, is to attack. This usual form is for the assembled punditry to smear the individual, but only after there has been a softening-up from the “news” side of the operation, in the style of Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse).

Thus it was when Richard Branson re-stated his stance last week that the so-called “War on Drugs” had failed. Branson, uniquely among businessmen, is linked to the Virgin brand so that whenever folks complain about Virgin Trains, they mention him in the same breath. Despite an arguably stronger connection, nobody grumbling about SouthWest Trains will make the connection with Wee Brian McStagecoach.

So the Mail has taken this link to personalise its attack on Branson, as punishment for sticking his head above the parapet. This started in earnest on Monday, as Rebecca Camber penned the headline “The Virgin Cops: Scotland Yard accused of hiring out officers as it emerges Branson paid fraud squad’s overtime”. Branson, at the time Virgin Media was created, had a 10.7% stake.

So he hasn’t been bunging the Met for their overtime while pursuing those who had been defrauding Virgin Media, then. And the article concedes – far enough in that the readers’ mind will already be made up – that “Under the 1996 Police Act, a force may provide ‘special police services’ to ‘any person’ subject to payment”. The judge said the arrangement was above board and the crims were sent down. Win-win.

The attack on Branson was reinforced by a “Daily Mail Comment” – for which read Dacre or someone with his approval – which thundered “A very dubious way for the police to raise cash”. Readers were told that the Mail revelation was “not only humiliating for a proud force, but also compromises some of the most fundamental principles of British policing”. Deft play of the patriotism card there.

This, though, was merely the first shot: yesterday came a further attack wave with “Branson offers cheap holidays to the police: Deal raises new questions over Met link to Virgin”. This is stretching things just a little: Met employees can get a 7.5% discount on Virgin Holidays. Well, whoopee-do. The piece later concedes that “Private companies benefit from a similar scheme”.

And the Met have said “The Met has no involvement in which companies provide benefits through the Met benefits scheme”. But that cuts little ice with Dacre’s finest, with Melanie “not just Barking but halfway to Upminster” Phillips even managing a snark at Branson in her rant where she tries to stand up the lame proposition that “The police have lost their way”.

Branson is being kicked as punishment for his views. No change there, then.

Bury Tories – You’re Nicked

Not featured this morning at ConservativeHome, where Tim Montgomerie is congratulating himself at being featured among the hackery of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre, is any sign of the goings-on in the North West, where two long serving Tory councillors were among five men arrested on suspicion of “corruption in a public office”.

While Monty is coming over all Euro expert (no, don’t laugh), Councillors Bob Bibby and Jim Taylor have been bailed following questioning, after an inquiry relating to a single planning application – thought to be for a housing development. It has been suggested that bribes had been accepted in relation to that application. The Tory Party is in “no comment” mode.

Who else may be involved is not clear, but apart from seizing a number of computers and documents from Bury Town Hall, the Police made a similar raid on a business premises in the North East Manchester suburb of Moston. I’m sure that ConHome will be reporting this in due course, and that the omission is merely an oversight, rather than hoping no-one in the Westminster Village will notice.

Perish the thought!