Bozo Cons His Useful Idiots AGAIN

The grand old con man Boz

He took you for a clown

He had you spin his packs of lies

And then he let you down

The attempt by former very occasional Mayor of London and disgraced former alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson to revive the political career of Himself Personally Now has come to an abrupt end, as he and the useful idiots willing to spray their credibility up the wall in his service tried to pull one whopper too many and the house fell in on them.

Liz Truss resigned as PM; a Tory leadership contest was therefore triggered. Former Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak was favourite to replace her; Penny Mordaunt would also declare she was a candidate. And then Bozo, on yet another holiday, this time in the Caribbean, returned home to join the race. Only he had the mandate, we were told.

Sadly, it soon became clear that this was a campaign destined to develop not necessarily to his advantage: while MPs were declaring for Sunak, rather fewer of them were backing Bozo. Rishi was through the 100 threshold to get on the members’ ballot, but Johnson could not break the 60 mark. Even when his anonymous backers were added in, he was becalmed in the mid-70s.

But, come the weekend, help was at hand from a most unlikely source - the hated BBC. The Corporation’s new political editor Chris Mason, to his shame, told his followers “I’m told Boris Johnson now has more than 100 backers and so could be on the ballot if he chooses to be”. This was total bullshit.

To which Sarah Lonsdale replied “It's hard being a journalism lecturer, trying to drum into my students the importance of not reporting information until it's verified/second sourced when this kind of thing is put out by high-profile journalists. I'll have lots of questions from my students next week”. Quite.

The rest of the useful idiots were, though, rather more obvious, like the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, still pretending to be a journalist and still a Bozo booster, telling “This is the memo Johnson campaign is circulating to MPs tonight claiming their man is ‘the best chance the Conservatives have at avoiding electoral wipe-out’”. Only he can avert the looming catastrophe!

And, despite Sky News’ Beth Rigby pointing out that their sources still had Bozo on just 59 definite and identifiable supporters, back came Master Cole: “Chris Heaton Harris tells Boris supporters Whatsapp that the verified paperwork with 100 names backing Johnson has been ‘completed’”. Except Heaton Harris had not mentioned the number 100 anywhere.

Then, to no surprise at all, Master Cole’s claim was all but endorsed by another alumnus of the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, Alex “Billy Liar” Wickham: “Here’s Johnson MP Chris Heaton Harris in their campaign WhatsApp group claiming they’ve now verified 100 MP nominations and completed paperwork to get on the ballot … we’ll find out tomorrow”. Maybe Bloomberg just can’t get real journalists to work for them.

It was becoming all too obvious that this was a con, and a cheap and obvious one at that. But not obvious enough for the member for times long past Jacob Rees Mogg, who declared before the inquisition of Laura Kuenssberg “Clearly he is going to stand. There’s a great deal of support for him”. But did he have the 100 names required? “The people who are doing the numbers for Boris’ campaign tell me that they have the numbers. The 100 … are there”.

They weren’t. This minor detail, though, did not deter Bozo groupies like Michael Fabricant from proclaiming “[Boris] WILL go to the membership. He has exceeded the 100 certified supporters … There will NOT be a coronation tomorrow”. And then, as so often with Bozo’s bluster and boosterism, reality intervened. He had been lying. And his useful idiots just lapped it up.

So it was no surprise at all when, yesterday evening, just in time for his pals in our free and fearless press to spin it for today’s front pages, Bozo did something he didn’t manage with Petronella Wyatt: he pulled out. Paul Brand at ITV noted that “He claims he got 102 nominations (way above the number who’ve publicly declared)” and that “he says Sunak and Mordaunt won’t work with him”. It was someone else’s fault that they saw him coming. As it were.

Did he get 102 nominations? Did he buggery. He lied, and despite being taken for mugs so many times before, his useful idiots lied on his behalf. They, and Bozo, thought he could just fly back from the Caribbean, soft soap enough Tory MPs to get on the ballot, and win the members’ vote. The prospect of a Standards Committee suspension, resulting in an enforced by-election (which he would lose), was not allowed to enter.

And the saddest part? If Bozo were to get the chance again, he’d try it on again, and the same useful idiots would let him con them something rotten again. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Boris Johnson was for a time, but not for all time. Just rejoice at that news.

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