That's not a good idea, Ollie
To this end, Dowden has written a jolly stern letter to Labour leader Keir Starmer which begins “It has come to my attention that Labour has stood down candidates in swathes of the country ahead of next week’s local elections”. What the merry fuck does it have to do with him whether The Red Team put up candidates against the Tories? But there’s more.
“There has been a considerable amount of media reporting of the existence of an electoral pact between Labour and the Liberal Democrats in recent months. It now appears that your plans to deny voters a clear democratic choice are coming to fruition. I would appreciate your responses to the following questions which I am sure you will agree are in the public interest”. Who does he think he is, the Head Prefect? But do go on.
“When did Labour and the Liberal Democrats agree to this pact? [none of his business] … Were party members and MPs in the affected regions consulted about the pact? [What pact?] … Why have you attempted to conceal this from voters?” What does Head Prefect Ollie think he’s going to do, put Starms Major in detention? Give him 1,000 lines?
Yet the delusion does not stop there: Dowden Tweeted out his letter with maximum pretentiousness: “The secret Labour/Lib Dem elections pact has been revealed. Read my letter and the questions that Sir Keir Starmer must answer”. This “story” was duly briefed to the increasingly wayward Mail on Sunday, where political editor Glen Owen, assisted by not even slightly celebrated blues artiste Whinging Dan Hodges, have duly gone OTT.
With a front page headline sufficiently ranty to satisfy the most discerning rant connoisseur, the MoS thundered “As PM is rattled by resignation of porn MP, the Tories’ chairman accuses Starmer and Lib Dems of … SECRET ELECTION PACT TO STITCH UP BORIS”, claiming an “exclusive”, perhaps because no-one else wanted it.
So, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. One, it’s good of Dowden and the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker to let the world know that the Tories and their press pals are scared shitless of being handed the mother of all shellackings come next Thursday. And Two, it’s also good of them to remind us just how much the right-leaning part of the press has invested in The Adoration Of The Boris.
Meanwhile, Lib Dem leader Ed Davey has flatly denied the existence of this mythical “pact” of which Head Prefect Ollie speaks. Starmer can be expected to do likewise, for the simple reason that there isn’t one. So Labour and the Lib Dems are concentrating their scarce resources where they can inflict most damage on the Tories? That’s what opposition parties do. I’ll go further: that’s what opposition parties should be doing.
But good of Ollie to admit that Bozo and his pals are bracing for big losses next week. They could, of course, limit the damage by binning the incompetent, narcissistic, uncaring, sexually incontinent liar in 10 Downing Street. Government physician, heal thyself.
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