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Saturday 23 June 2018

Julia Hartley Dooda - Oh Happy Day

Today is two years since the EU referendum, a time for Europhobes to celebrate securing a freedom that they had already, and getting back a country that they had not lost. And for increasingly desperate self-promotion artiste Julia Hartley Brewer, it is an opportunity for her to open mouth, and then clumsily insert reassuringly expensive footwear.
We know who you are, thanks

Ms Hartley Dooda wanted to tell the world of the happiness experienced by Herself Personally Now at the referendum result. She instead showed the world that when it comes to finding oneself in a hole, she’s your go-to source for ignoring Healey’s Dictum and just carrying on digging.
Happy Brexit Day, everyone! Two years on, this is still one of the happiest moments of my life” she trilled. Yes, all those people losing their jobs, living standards about to go down the chute, economic growth soon to stagnate, but She’s All Right Jack.
Adam Boulton of Sky News (first for breaking wind) was distinctly underwhelmed by the idea, responding “Wherever you stand on #Brexit that is pretty tragic”. One other Tweter asked “what about when your child was born?
At this point, Ms Hartley Dooda could, and should, have got out while the going was not so bad. But she was too important to merely concede that she might have fouled up. “I didn’t say it was THE best day - just one of them. Is reading a problem for you?” she retorted, managing to change “happiest” to “best” and set Twitter off again.
And she knew who was at fault here - REMOANERS! “Some Remoaners seem to be struggling with the concept of someone having more than ONE ‘happiest moment in their lives’. I have been lucky enough to have HUNDREDS in my life. This is *one* of them. I hope that’s not too complicated for their Brussels-fuddled brains to cope with”.
With that, she engaged full superior elitist mode and proclaimed “The happiest moments in my life include: Birth of my daughter … Wedding day … My hubby proposing … Births of my younger siblings … Scuba diving with a whale shark … Cage diving with great white sharks … Dawn at Machu Picchu … Tropical storm at Angkor Wat … Walking on a glacier in Chile & Brexit”. DAHLING! I’ve done it ALL! Me Me Meeeeeeee!
She had done so much that she kept on digging and came back for afters. “Oh yeah, and zip lining down that volcano in Costa Rica, watching my daughter sing a solo in her school play, getting my A levels, listening to my husband read bedtime stories to my daughter, waterfights on the beach in Cornwall, getting my first journo job, the list goes on”.
One Tweeter pointed out that this was just a teensy bit elitist. Off went Ms Hartley Dooda once more. “God, these #FBPE people are so miserable, aren’t they?” Speak for yourself.
So she hasn't done the birthplace of pizza in Naples, seen the Secession building in Vienna, climbed to the viewing deck of the Novy Most in Bratislava, seen where JFK gave his “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech, strolled the streets of Segovia, walked the beach where they filmed OHMSS, eaten deep fried artichoke in Rome, strolled Paris’ Jardins du Luxembourg, walked on the Grossglockner glacier, and looked out at dusk over Lisbon from the Santa Justa Tower. So she’s right to conclude “It has, truly, been a shit life”.


rob said...

I'd rather pass on that sick bucket list thank you very much!

Fishman Dave said...

Call me a pedantic twat but Paris's is correct, not Paris'

Anonymous said...

Not just a pedantic twat but an incorrect pedantic twat.

nparker said...

It isn't actually incorrect at all, Anonymous. Paris's and Paris' are both technically fine, but the added 's' is generally the more acceptable grammatically.