Too late for some first editions, but now being pored over in detail by newspaper websites, the New Year’s Honours List was released from embargo at 2230 hours last night. And over at Mail Online, they know not only who is on it, but who once again isn’t. As they also know which side their bread is buttered, that means one thing: rustle up some knocking copy.
Why shouldn't I get a f***ing gong, c***?!?
Why so? Because the one name missing is the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre, hanging on there in the editor’s chair at the Daily Mail in the vain hope that he will be favoured as David English, his predecessor, was. But each successive Queen’s Birthday Honours and New Year Honours list comes and goes, and still there is no recognition for the Vagina Monologue.
So first to get the e-kicking is former Bank of England deputy governor Paul Tucker: “Bank of England chief who became embroiled in the Libor interest rate scandal is handed an honour”. Yeah, see, he was up to his neck in sleaze and he was just handed a gong. See how unfair it is? That nice Mr Dacre has worked hard for decades and he gets nothing. Booo! Not fair!!
Readers are told “Mr Tucker fiercely denied that he had sanctioned attempts by Barclays to manipulate its borrowing costs downwards in 2008 as the bank battled to stay afloat in the financial crisis” but then reminded “the decision to knight him in the New Year Honours List is likely to raise eyebrows in some quarters”. Like where, except at Northcliffe House?
Then the Government gets it in the neck: “The 'cronies' honours list: Controversy over knighthood for PR man who holidayed with Cameron and awards to Tory and LibDem donors” announces Tim Shipman, shipping as much bull as ever and also knowing which way to jump when Dacre passes by on another of his drive-by shoutings. And, as the man said, there’s more.
“At least two Tory donors have been honoured and four Lib Dem donors ... Mr Cameron has been accused of running a Government of cronies”. By whom? Er, Lib Dem peer Matthew Oakeshott. Representing the party that the Mail routinely slags off for, oh I dunno, any excuse Dacre and his attack doggies can dredge up. But now their spokesmen is the fount of all reliable knowledge.
There is even a snark at Alan Parker, head man at PR outfit Brunswick, who got a knighthood. Why? “The son of former British Rail chief Sir Peter Parker, the PR man once employed Gordon Brown's wife Sarah and Mr Brown is godfather to his son William”. There’s a string of hanging offences for you.
But this is just more mean-spirited pettiness cobbled together to order. Dacre will rail at the honours system until he gets his gong. No change there, then.
As Nelson (Muntz, not Mandela) is wont to say, 'Ha ha!'. TBH I was getting a bit worried that he would finally be knighted in the NYH list but I don't think he has any friends in high places, or any other place. Maybe his rag will be awarded Newspaper of the Year again, it must be the Mail's turn.
A Happy New Year Tim, keep up the good work.
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