Farage And A Lady’s Finger

You know the kind of approach that Nigel “Thirsty” Farage and his fellow saloon bar proper-uppers at UKIP take when they get called out for unfortunate use of language when mentioning women, the disabled, ethnic minorities, non-Christian religions, and those of minority sexual orientation: it’s only a bit of banter. What’s their problem, these politically correct do-gooders?

Mmmmm yes, just a quick swivel

Yes, Nige and his pals are only saying what that great Silent Majority (tm) of the population would say if only they were not constrained by right-on rotten lefties, all those European Directives, the dastardly BBC, and the deeply subversive conspiracy that is the Guardian. At least that was what happened until the boot was on the other foot, and it was Farage on the receiving end.

Tory minister Anna Soubry, sitting in on The Andy Marr Show (tm) today, responded to a Farage impression from Rory Bremner by observing “I always think he looks like somebody has put their finger up his bottom and he really rather likes it”. Well, what’s the problem there, Nige? It’s only a piece of girly banter, isn’t it? You straight talking UKIP chaps won’t be offended, will you?

Actually, “Thirsty” was deeply offended at the thought that he might derive some kind of satisfaction from having the odd digit up his jacksy. Following a prod from the Sun’s non-bullying political editor Tom Newton Dunn, Farage opined “perhaps @anna_soubrymp should spend less time investigating digital rectal insertion and more on her brief”. What a big girly wuss.

Nige even told the Express (aka the Daily Ukip) “This latest, remarkable foul mouthed attack is utterly incredulous. Soubry has stooped to the levels of crudity that any politician would spend a life time apologising for.This is supposed to be a professional woman representing her political party on a national television programme on a Sunday morning”. Awww diddums!

“Foul mouthed”? Oh f*** right off, “Thirsty”. In any case, Ms Soubry has said sorry to Nige, although her point will have been made (fnarr, fnarr). And Farage will come to regret getting radged about the remark: already, writer Caitlin Moran has said “Please let Nigel Farage refute Anna Soubry's accusation with a press conference where he holds up his finger, as proof”

But then, it might not be his finger we’re talking about. And the cartoonists and sketchwriters will already be sharpening their pens: whether it’s Steve Bell or Martin Rowson, expect “Finger Farage” to make his debut in the Guardian soon. The finger jokes will continue. And it couldn’t happen to a more deserving chap. After all, it’s only what the Silent Majority (tm) are thinking.

Where’s your sense of humour, Nige? It’s only a bit of banter!