Lockdown Leak - Who Gove The Game Away?

Alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is furious. Someone has leaked, or caused to be leaked, details of a national lockdown. So furious is Bozo that a leak inquiry has begun. Someone has stolen his thunder: only he, The Great Leader, should have told his adoring public what was to come.

Something fishy going on here

As the Guardian has reported, “The Times reported on Friday night that the prime minister was considering imposing a national lockdown early next week. According to the report, Boris Johnson met with the chancellor, Rishi Sunak, the health and social care secretary, Matt Hancock, and the Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove to discuss the steep rise in infections, and was expected to hold a press conference on Monday”.

So only four people knew, and the Murdoch press found out. Any other papers? “Other newspapers, including the Daily Mail and the Sun, also wrote that a national lockdown was expected to be announced next week, which reportedly led Downing Street to launch a leak inquiry to uncover the source of the story”. So we’re looking at leaks to the inmates of the Baby Shard and Northcliffe House bunkers. Who might that involve?

The people at Evolve Politics did not take long to figure out Who Done It. “In terms of the source, only four people are believed to have had knowledge of the decision: Boris Johnson, Rishi Sunak, Matt Hancock and Michael Gove - meaning the leak must have come from one of them”. And which of them is the protector of chief Downing Street polecat Dominic Cummings? And to whom is he married?

While that one is sinking in, this is what Ben Wallace said about one of those present. “From the minute Michael Gove came on board with Boris’s leadership campaign, things started to go wrong. There was a leak a day in the press, starting with the camera crews at Boris’s house in Oxfordshire on the first day and ending with the infamous email from Sarah Vine, Michael’s wife, ‘accidentally’ finding its way to the papers”. There was more.

“For me this wasn’t new. When I was a government whip and Michael was the chief whip, the office leaked like a sieve. Important policy and personnel details made their way to the papers. Michael seems to have an emotional need to gossip, particularly when drink is taken, as it all too often seemed to be”. The man can’t hold his liquor!

Worse, the Lady Macbeth-like figure of Gove’s wife, Sarah “Vain” Vine, is also known for her propensity for drink, recently telling Daily Mail readers “In a culture so devoid of fun … there has to be some release … And besides, wine is the opium of the middle classes … And it’s not as if we’re drinking ourselves into a stupor night after night. Just enough to take the edge off the day. Two glasses. Maybe three if it’s been a stinker”.

If those are 25cl glasses, three means a whole bottle. Add to that Gove’s confession of a friendship with Charlie, and you have a couple who are reliably Slippery When Pissed. Gove is beholden to the Murdoch mafiosi, and Ms Vine to the Rothermeres. That’s where the story ended up - that is where my Occam’s Razor is pointing right now.

Forget the leak inquiry. The Macbeths are at it again. No surprise there, then.

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