Simon Danczuk's Sob Story

Rochdale's still nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk may not be in the papers today, but for those who would rather this remain the case, I bring bad news: Spanker Si will return this weekend, propelled momentarily back into the spotlight by the twin needs of self-publicity, and the continuing desire to score More And Bigger Paycheques For Himself Personally Now.

Although Danczuk remains suspended from the Labour Party, he - improbably - believes he can not only overturn his suspension, but also get himself into a position where he gets to keep representing the unfortunate voters of Rochdale. To this end he has been in touch with his press contacts with a sob story which will hit the news stands on Sunday.

Spanker's main argument is that earlier this week the authorities decided there was insufficient evidence to pursue an historic rape complaint against the MP, and so he should be let back in to the Labour Party. The complaint, resulting in Danczuk having to attend Rossendale Police Station, an event for which he gave exclusive rights to FameFlynet, his preferred press photography outfit.

There is only one problem with this argument - the historic rape complaint was not the reason he was suspended from the Labour Party. That happened after Danczuk - who made his reputation claiming to highight instances of child sexual abuse - was caught "sexting" a 17-year-old girl, Sophena Houlihan. And it gets worse: my information is that the decision to kick Spanker out of the party has already been taken.

The only reason the expulsion has not been confirmed is because Danczuk has appealed it, and will keep on appealing until the process is exhausted. But the likelihood of his persuading Labour to let him back in is not going to be helped by the litany of horror stories that might provide significant marginal income for him, but do not exactly commend him to the electorate.

These include the 22-year-old woman with whom he had a brief fling, including sexual congress over the desk in his constituency office (and other yet to be published details), his "afters" from the recent MEN Diary Party, the bust-up in front of his two youngest children at his holiday apartment in Algorfa - which left ex-wife Karen in hospital and him in a Police cell - and a number of highly unfortunate incidents in licenced premises around the Rochdale area.

So when you see the Sunday newspaper story about how he's been cleared of the rape complaint and should be let back in to the party, all of that should be borne in mind. The only plus point Simon Danczuk can point to is his "exposure" of his predecessor Cyril Smith, and much of that was either re-hashing what was already known, or, at least in the case of the Northants Police child porn claim, shown to be totally made up by his pal Matt Baker.

Don't be taken in by the latest Danczuk sob story. He deserves expulsion, and the sooner the better.