Flannelled Fool Fawkes Farewell

Has it really been six years since the odious flannelled fool Henry Cole “doubled the head count” at the Guido Fawkes blog, joining the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines in his endeavour to roam the watering holes of Westminster on a regular basis, becoming seriously ratarsed in the process (surely “investigating wrongdoing by our elected representatives and holding power to account?" - Ed)?

As Derek Jameson might have put it, it surely can. In the meantime, while Master Cole has been compiling his ever more creative copy, his pals have been making their way up the greasy pole, the latest example being his long-term flat-mate Christian May, an appallingly immodest man with much to be modest about, who has been inexplicably handed the editor’s chair at City AM. Was there to be no promotion for Master Cole?

Well, there certainly couldn’t be one at the Fawkes blog, not unless Staines got bored, or his body finally succumbed to his well-known propensity to head for the nearest Rub-A-Dub in oder to become Elephant’s Trunk and Mozart. Heck, even his very good friend Carrie Symonds has been rewarded with a move from CCHQ to a job in Government. But, it seems, fortune has at last smiled on Zelo Street’s least favourite buffoon.

Word reaches me - as usual, no names, no pack drill - that Master Cole is on the point of departing Chez Fawkes, having finally managed to convince a Real Newspaper that he actually is a Real Journalist (no, don’t laugh). Who might fill his shoes at the Fawkes blog is not known, but there are plenty of unprincipled sleazebags out there for Staines to choose from. He might even find one that makes less noise.

So, folks, the $64K question - what is the name of this Real Newspaper that has volunteered to give Master Cole a berth? Ah well. Which newspaper has given the Fawkes blog an apparently well-paid column for the last couple of years, and which has renewed their contract recently? My information is that the Flannelled Fool is headed for the Super Soaraway Currant Bun. Whether weekday or Sunday title is not known.

What will be his role? Who knows? And, indeed, who cares? But the irony of a faithful servant of the Fawkes blog, which carped on so much, and for so long, about the “Dead Tree Press”, then going and joining what had been condemned as a dying news form, should not be lost on anyone. It appears that Creepy Uncle Rupe’s filthy lucre smoothes away any dissent, as well as making for reliable paycheques.

I’m also informed that the Fawkes blog will not be the only job that Master Cole relinquishes: that suggests that he would also be departing the Spectator - who would need to find someone else to write the piss-poor Steeerpike column - and maybe even GQ magazine. Hopefully, from my point of view, he will remain just as easy to take the piss out of; after all, it’s always good to have something to laugh at.

The age of the buffoon Cole at the Fawkes blog was for a time, but not for all time.