SunNation Ha Ha Ha

The Super Soaraway Currant Bun is normally secreted away behind a paywall. But in the run-up to the General Election, Rupe’s downmarket troops have thrown open the gates and let the whole world see and read their new jolly wheeze SunNation. This may be designed to garner more subscribers in the longer term. The problem is that what is on offer is not worth paying out good money to read at any time.

Take the promotion of the “Sunifesto”, for starters. This is a reheated item from January, and it was pretty lame even then. Or how about “Katie Hopkins’ Snog, Marry, Avoid Leaders’ Special … because someone has to, right?” Er, hello Murdoch poodles, no I don’t have to go anywhere near Ms Hopkins. I’d rather experience a combination of steel glove scraping on blackboard and Amanda Bloody Platell, thanks.

OK, how about “Five Reasons Why Cam Is Mad To Do Even One Debate”, which includes earth-shattering rubbish like “He’s actually got a record to run on” (debatable), “He’s got a chance of actually being the PM on May 7” (that’s not an argument against debate, it’s one for a head to head with Mil The Younger), and “He’s going to struggle to look like the Prime Minister” (er, hello Sun people, Dave IS the Prime Minister).

Isn’t there any proper heavyweight punditry on view? Well, if dinosaurs qualify as “heavyweight”, there’s faithful Murdoch retainer Trevor Kavanagh to tell us “Why this is the week that will decide the election” (difficult, as nobody is yet casting their votes). Readers are told “The Sun’s political columnist is getting election fever. Are you?” Kav’s catching something nasty, is he? I’d have him tested for Ebola if I were you.

Things don’t improve with a lame attempt to kick Miliband over his kitchen, or indeed kitchens: “Imagine it was David Cameron squeezed into that humble kitchen with his wife for a casual photoshoot — sipping tea from a mug and hoping to convey the false impression he was an ordinary bloke”. You mean, rather than Dave in that kitchen at Downing Street for which he billed the taxpayer £30K? Ball in own net, Sun people.

How about a spot of Green Party bashing? Of course, and guess who’s on board for this one? Yes, Jezza himself: “Why Bennett’s talking ballots, by Jeremy Clarkson”. Yes, he’s “Britain’s Punchiest Columnist” (laugh? I thought I’d never start). How much Jezza does one have to suffer to read to the end? Thankfully very little, and hardly any of it is troubled by such inconvenient things as facts.

And at the end of each “Opinion” item you can click a link to tell you why “George Osborne is set to give businesses a boost in the Budget this week” - which needs access to the paywall. This tells you all you need to know: it’s low-rent Tory Party propaganda, rehashed to appeal to some mythical ideal Sun voter somewhere who has probably already made up his or her mind. No wonder it’s free to view.

But good of the Murdoch faithful to admit hardly anyone thinks their crappy content is worth the subscription - and that they’re desperate for someone to read it. Anyone.