The First Cuckoo Of Spring

As the days get longer, sunnier and warmer, spring has most definitely sprung, and out in the countryside can be heard – over the strains of Delius, no doubt – the call of that first cuckoo. And to provide a contemporary conjunction between season and news cycle has come our own modern day cuckoo, in the shape of the Daily Mail’s bigoted, bloated, blustering buffoon Richard Littlejohn.

Fat Dick has this week been taxed about the Taliban. And those who read the Guardian. And diversity. And Che Guevara. And Wolfie Smith. All this is in introduction to Mail readers, as Littlejohn pronounces judgment on the case of Colin Atkinson, the practising Christian at odds with housing provider WDH.

The customary sub-bar-room-bore rant is accompanied by the usual lack of research, personal attacks on those deemed not rich enough to sue, and the odd steaming pile of fresh bullpucky. So for Fat Dick, it’s business as usual. And that business kicks off with a Third Reich comparison, to indicate that the bottom of the barrel has been reached, and scraping is about to commence.

Fact? No way guv, issa flying pig, innit?

“Colin Atkinson isn’t the first Christian to fall foul of the equality Nazis” whines Dick, not wanting to admit that the case isn’t about equality, but keeping company vans clear of personal clutter. Then a non sequitur is slipped in: “Remember the British Airways worker told she couldn’t wear a modest crucifix?” and yes I do, but Atkinson is not being prevented from wearing a crucifix. WDH has no problem with that.

But hey, forget those pesky facts! Dick knows what’s going on: “[WDH] say he is in breach of their diversity policy”. No they don’t: the company’s statement is HERE. For the benefit of lazy, bigoted and overmonied hacks, this is what it says: “WDH simply don’t allow employees to display personal items in our company vans”.

This factual snippet cuts no ice with Fat Dick, because he’s got the culprit in his sights. “His chief accuser is an overgrown Wolfie Smith wannabe, who displays a poster of the blood-stained revolutionary Che Guevara on his office wall”. It’s a photo repro, not a poster, it’s black and white, and there’s no blood. But Littlejohn has decided Denis Doody done it.

“He brought Mr Atkinson’s heinous ‘crime’ to the attention of the organisation’s equality and diversity manager Jayne O’Connell, who chose to pursue it with Stalinist zeal”. This is pure invention, but neither of these unfortunate folks will be able to take Fat Dick and his legendarily foul mouthed editor to the cleaners, so all at the Mail have clearly decided to chuck as much dirt as they can find (or invent).

And Dick can identify the real villain: Harriet Harman. Er, what? Someone is protesting a little too much. It’s about keeping vans tidy. End of.

Meanwhile, in a distant meadow, a cuckoo sings. Don’t like the look of that fat scarecrow, mind.