Sad Little Man Speaks

It was blindingly obvious from the get-go that the main target of Prince Harry’s memoir Spare was not the Royal Family, individually or collectively, but our free and fearless press. As in so many cases when proof of reality is needed, the opposition comes riding to the rescue. This week it has come galloping, to the benefit of Haz’ publishers and the charities set to benefit from book sales.

You're even more desperate, Dan

When Haz referred rather disobligingly to News UK’s CEO, the twinkle-toed yet domestically combative Rebekah Brooks, the Murdoch Sun went into meltdown as yesterday’s editorial gave readers the print equivalent of a screaming tantrum, the kind of outburst Ms Brooks is rumoured to indulge in when berating the folks in the Baby Shard bunker who actually do the work.

Then it was discovered that the Prince had made an equally disobliging reference to former Sun executive editor, the deeply unpleasant Dan Wootton, everyone’s least favourite economic migrant, who now rants for money at Gammon Broadcasting News (“Bacon’s News Channel”). Desperate Dan reacted as Ms Brooks did, by throwing a mardy strop.

The only difference was that Wootton, a deeply immodest individual with much to be modest about, threw his toys out of the pram at the Mail, another series of titles which would rather not have the Sussex spotlight shone too brightly in its general direction. And another series of titles against which Haz has launched a lawsuit. These events are not coincidental.

So what did Harry say about Wootton? Here’s the relevant passage from the book: “We got word from Sara that the Sun was about to run a story saying the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were stepping away from their Royal duties to spend more time in Canada. A sad little man, the newspaper’s showbiz editor, was said to be the lead reporter on the story”. There was more.

“Why him? Why, of all people, the showbiz guy? Because lately he’d refashioned himself into some sort of quasi Royal correspondent, largely on the strength of his secret relationship with one particular close friend of Willy’s comms secretary - who fed him trivial (and mostly fake) gossip”. OUCH!

The Wootton wig-out does not disappoint, although not, perhaps, in the way he might have intended. “Spare shines a light on a life of ultimate privilege and opportunity most human beings could only dream of that is blighted by constant paranoia, bitter resentments and downright nastiness towards those who do their best to try and save this man child from himself time and again”. A better description of Dan Wootton is hard to imagine. And there is more.

Thanks Dan, here's your salesman of the week award

“I needed to take a wash after reading [the book] … because of the number of vitriolic and deeply personal swipes he takes”. But here a problem enters: while the press today claims to have spoken to more of those “sources” in and around the Royal Family, the only significant item they pony up for readers is the Duchess of Cambridge driving a car. You read that right.

“Women drives car” is inflated to become the Sun’s front page lead as we are told “STANDING FIRM [surely ‘sitting behind the wheel’? - Ed] … Kate defiant while senior Royals urge caution over Harry Coronation invite”, with the supporting article adding “Family members are concerned they would not feel comfortable speaking freely if the pair are there … A source told The Sun”.

A source told the Sun. A sodding “source” told the Sun. Er, hello, this is total crap. And so are “According to insiders” and “Another source said”. What the Sun, and dopey Dan Wootton at the Mail have not twigged is that they are the only ones making all the noise. They and their press pals. The actual Royals aren’t saying anything. Hence “A source told the Sun”.

Which tells you that Haz’ primary target was not the Royals, but the army of sad, self-important, bottom-feeding grotesques that are the press’ Royal “experts”, “editors”, “correspondents”, and other sundry hangers-on. That the target has been successfully hit is shown by the cacophony of whining from them. The press has behaved as Zelo Street has been telling for years now.

The Sun’s howling editorial yesterday, and Dan Wootton today, have confirmed that the press is Haz’ main target. Because it is the press that has been screaming about his book. And by doing so, all that has resulted is a first day sales total of 1.4 million books, e-books and audio books. Haz got an advance of $40 million for four books. It has probably already been recouped.

Our free and fearless press - a bunch of sad losers. No change there, then.

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