Sausage For Katie Hopkins

Voting is taking place in elections across the country today, and much interest will be focused on the result of the Mayoral election in London, where the increasingly occasional presence of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson finally ends as he shuffles off to try and unseat Young Dave from the Top Job. He will be replaced by either fellow Old Etonian Zac Goldsmith, or Labour challenger Sadiq Khan.

Viewers might want to look away now

Goldsmith’s campaign has been one of the most unpleasant exhibitions of dog-whistling and coded racism since the 1960s. It included Cameron twice using Parliamentary privilege to openly defame Khan’s local Imam Suliman Gani as a supporter of the so-called Islamic State, which he is not, in oder to try and pin the “extremist” label on the Labour candidate (Gani is in fact a Tory Party supporter).

The culmination of Goldsmith’s ugly campaign was the use of a full page article in the last Mail on Sunday to try and connect Khan to the July 7, 2005 bombings in London. Many Tory supporters have been repulsed by this behaviour. But for pro-am motormouth Katie Hopkins, this is not merely acceptable, but to be encouraged and applauded. For her, Zac “keeps his promises and delivers on his word”.

Why should voters choose the dog-whistler? “It is because he represents the heart of my country, London. He has moral courage, a sense of humour and is more interested in policy than prophets”. One wonders when she will finally get to meet Goldsmith and discover that he is, in the words of one pundit who has done so and spoken to Zelo Street recently, weak. That is part of why he has fallen behind in the polls.

And Ms Hopkins does not help his candidacy by wheeling out racist stereotypes like “Sadiqistan” and “Muslim mafia”. She also calls him a “slimy lawyer”, while not noticing that, had she said that about someone who was Jewish, she’d not only not have a column at MailOnline, but also would be facing calls for action over anti-Semitic hate speech, on which subject she lied when claiming Khan hadn’t rejected anti-Semitism (he has).

Rejecting Katie’s call and using either first or second preference for Sadiq Khan should be no problem for many Londoners, especially as all recent opinion polls give him a lead of between 12% and 14%. So what’s she got to say about that? “Vote Zac. Because if you don't, I'll run Regent Street naked with a sausage up my bum”. Well, if the sausage is big enough, I don’t have any problems with that, especially as I’m in Crewe.

Katie Hopkins would be full value for sticking the full Cumberland up her arse and taking the title of Undisputed Eye-Watering Champion Supreme into the bargain. So, all you London voters, if you vote Sadiq Khan, you have a bonus waiting for you. Perhaps Ms Hopkins could retrieve the sausage afterwards so she can grill it and eat it too.

She might get extra points for that. Brownie points, even. I’ll get my coat.